If Only Things Were Different
by SarahLouiseK30
Summary: Can Molly and CJ overcome secrets and reputations?
1. Chapter 1

_**I really wanted to get this up and get some opinions and reviews and gauge if there is any interest before I go any further, so far I'm not sure about it. Trying a slightly different style so let me know if it works and I'll adore you for always :-) - S x**_

* * *

 **Molly's POV**

This. Is. Bleedin'. Torture! Not only had the bloody Taliban used my nut for target practice but now I had to sit here listening to the woes of all these other nutters who chose to do the same bloody thing, most of them bleedin' Ruperts by the sounds of the plums in their mouth as they speak. I don't need to be here, I'm mean yeah course I'm fragged, anyone would be if they watch their best mate fall down dead in front of them after so much bloody effort to save the wankers life only for him to just die anyway a few weeks later but it's happened now so I'll deal with it.

These lot here have real problems, I couldn't pretend to even come close to what they'd been through, some have lost limbs or were terribly scarred and then there was just me, sitting there having a moan up because I had a poxy nightmare, It don't feel right.

I contributed as little as possible, enough so they know I'm there but little enough so I pretty much go unnoticed by the time they'd finished talking about how they'd been since the last session and to be honest they are much worse off than I am. My mum always said I had a problem with denial. Maybe she's right.

"You never know Mol, you might make some friends who've been through something similar. Or meet a nice bloke. It's time now, he'd want you to be happy" was she having a laugh "Listen Mum, it's a PTSD support group not Take Me Out. And I ain't even looking for a boyfriend anyway, I'm concentrating on me ain't I" All Mum could do was roll her eyes, she was probably a bit bleedin' sick of me cluttering up her sofa by now but I couldn't face going back to the flat I shared with him. It was too hard. We'd never been more than best mates, although he'd have given his right arm to shag me, even just once but I never set people straight when they assumed we were together. It was the easiest thing to do in my situation. I'd rather spoon out my eyeballs than get involved with anyone. It suited me.

There was someone new almost every week now, all with a horror story of their own. The latest one came on his day release from Headley, bloody dedication if you ask me coz I know they don't mess about with recovery up there. He was still pretty fucked looking at him, obviously a freshie from the wards of Birmingham. He was joined by another bloke who I not sure whether he's his boyfriend or just a nosey fuck who wanted to know what went on during these meetings. Either way they're a pair of lookers. If I wasn't the way I am, I'm sure my ovaries would be screaming to have his babies, the injured one that is, not the tanned twat in sunglasses who liked the sound of his own voice.

* * *

"How did your appointment go Mols?" I'd only been in the door about 43 seconds before she was all over me "Can I get you anythin'? Have you eaten? Sorry that's a silly question, you probably don't feel like it. Lemme know when you're hungry and I'll make your favourite" I had to be nice to her I suppose, she was trying even if Dad wasn't, seems like he'd written off already "It was as expected thanks mum, you know the drill" I flopped down on mums bed. She always let me have their bed after my treatment. I close my eyes and let the nausea just be, there's nothing I can do about it, its part and parcel of this process after all.

My nut is driving me mad over the hottie from my group. God he was gorgeous and I think maybe, just maybe my ovaries did twinge a little bit at the sight of him even if he does look like he's fit for nothin'. Not that I can do anything with that revelation but hey ho, at least there's someone to look at while I tap my foot and pretend to listen.

* * *

 **Charles POV**

Elvis' idea of a day out from Headley was to take me to the very environment I was trying to escape. I thought it would be a one session wonder, we'd go, participate, he'd realise there wasn't any women to chase to make it worth his while and he'd forget about it again, leaving me in peace but no such luck.

He'd noticed a pretty little thing, who was always completely disinterested in the whole thing, like her mind was elsewhere. Well apart from when Elvis spoke, on my behalf may I add because apparently my mouth is just as injured as my body. She'd looked him from head to toe, an expression of complete disgust and the odd eye roll here and there but Elvis saw as a challenge, he was all about the chase.

One of the more unfortunate points of being this injured wasn't the fact that I couldn't even take a piss by myself or even lift a cup to my mouth most of the time, it was being left to his mercy. He was a good bloke, one of my best mates in fact but he was a class A cockwomble in all aspects of his life apart from his career. He'd made a beeline for the latest object of his affects despite my protests and pointing out that this was not the appropriate place to pick up women. Molly as we now knew she was called wasn't a bit interested of course "She'll come round Charlie boy and you know it. Just give me a bit of time and the Italian Stallion will be in there like swim wear, you watch this space" unfortunately the only space I was watching was the vacant one between his ears where his brain should be. She'd totally blanked him every week, making him and I look like the complete idiots that we are. Molly had exchanged the odd shy smile when I'd shot her apologetic look for my friends arsehole behaviour but it was obvious she had even less time for me than she did him.

"Chaz I'll be back in 20, I've got something important I need to do before I take you back to Headley. You chat up that Molly for me, talk her into a drink with some witty banter and one of them smirks you do that has women dribbling" how he thought I'd manage that when I can barely even wheel myself across the floor I don't know, but this is Elvis after all. I knew eventually he'd leave me high and dry here and it was all just a ploy to get me into group counselling. Everyone thinks they know what I need better than I do.

I can't help but smile as she makes a dramatic entrance, she's running late today. Not an ounce of apology is visible in her face and I can't help but think 'good for her'. She clearly doesn't want to be here either. She throws herself down into Elvis' vacant chair next to me; she's even prettier close up "Is godshite here? Do I need to move?" She whispers "No you are welcome to sit there. He can find his own seat when he gets here" except he didn't get here. The group has long cleared off with the exception of Molly and the group leader, both eye balling me wondering what the fuck I'm still doing here.

"Where's gobshite?" She calls crassly from across the room "He said he'd be back so he's either forgotten me or someone has killed him for being a twat" she giggled as she took control of my chair, pushing me towards the exit "He needs to lock up so I've been tasked with getting rid of you" I couldn't help but chuckle at her honesty "Lovely."

* * *

"Can you get out that thing yourself or do you need some help?" She wheeled him towards her car "I can't get myself up no, but I'm far too heavy for you. Just leave me here, he'll come eventually" she pulled the car door open and sat to face him "We'll give it 10 minutes then I'll have to take you. You'll freeze"

This is the opportunity that Elvis had been waiting for. To talk to her alone, get to know her a bit. Just a shame he wasn't here to make the most of it.

"So what happened to you then?" She gestured towards the chair "Oh. I got blown sky high by an old Russian mine. Landed rather unfortunately, hurt my back and then got shot at. Not my best day" "Shit that's rough. Will you be alright?" He met her concerned eyes "I'll be just fine in time. No lasting damage hopefully" she smiled at him, a warm genuine smile that reached all the way to her eyes "Well that's good innit. Come on let's get you back I've got places to be" he hesitated as she attempted to help him up "You're gonna have to put in a bit more effort than that mate. I'm 5ft nothin' and I weigh even less" he laughed through his embarrassment "I told you I was too heavy. Hold on I can try."

The sound of Elvis burning rubber up the drive way towards them sent a wave of relief through him. "God let's hope gobshite gets you back in one piece" he chuckled at her disgust "Don't like him much do you?" She shook her head "Met too many twats like him in my time. Always trouble! Anyway I hope you get better soon, see you next week I s'pose" he nodded his head "unless you want to come and see me at Headley? I mean I'd offer to come and see you but I'm a tad useless right now, but I'd really like to see you. That's only if you wanted top of course"

He shuffles nervously as she played with a ring on her finger "Maybe posh boy. Maybe" he wanted to reach out and run his thumb across the smirk on her perfect lips but she'd already rose to her feet to deliver him back to Elvis.

He watched her walk away, catching her eye as she looked back at him. Molly Dawes has gotten under his skin. "Oi Rupert, you muscled in on my bird?"

He didn't speak as watched her drive away, already counting down the minutes until he'd see her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the lovely feed back! I'm still not sure I like it so do continue to let me know what you think. It's the difference between continuing or not x**

* * *

 **Charles**

I frightened her off so badly that not only did she _not_ come to see me a Headley, no matter how much I watched the door, she also skipped our group for two weeks on the trot, much to the absolutely delight of Elvis.

The upgrade from wheelchair to crutches had mildly improved my mood, I was one step closer to getting back out there and one step closer to my freedom. Maybe, just maybe she'd let me take her on a date first. I couldn't hide my smile as she rolled in, late as usual- a flustered hurricane of dark hair and profanity. She sat a far as she possibly could from us, knocking the bit of ego I'd gained from my new found mobility. She didn't even look my way.

* * *

 **Molly**

The two weeks of hell I've had can only be summed up with one word - shit! It's been shit. In fact it's been so shit, not only did I put myself in hospital but I never managed to get to Headley and visit the sexy soldier who's made my ovaries tingle. Now he probably thinks I'm a bit of a cock tease and probably won't look twice at me. Not that I'm looking for anything, I can't in my position but I wanted to see him again, as a friend at least and away from the gobshite.

He seemed genuinely pleased to see me even though I look as rough as I feel with my greasy hair and pale skin. I swear the bags under my eyes are so big I could ferry mums shopping in them. His smile soon disappeared when gobshite got into his ear; I was hoping he'd be alone again but no such luck.

* * *

"Oi posh boy. Look at you all fancy and out of your chair" he turned to face her, his heart told him to talk to her, find out if she was okay and what had happened to her visit but common sense went out the window when Elvis was around "Play it cool Charlie boy. Treat them mean keep them keen and all that" He smiled back at her, praying Elvis would piss off so he could talk to her like a normal human being.

"How you doing?" She was pleased to see him; she was making that obvious "Yeah I'm good. You?" Elvis had slipped out of his mouth before he had a chance to engage his brain, the coolness of his tone not going unnoticed "Erm yeah I'm alright. Same shit different day" he nodded, leaning into his crutches and swinging for something to do "I'm sorry I didn't make it to see you. Haven't really been feeling well" he raised his eyebrows, the Captain in him never too far away, was this bullshit he was hearing? "It's fine. Well I'm glad you seem better. Take care Molly"

The finality of his words hurt her. He'd written her off without even letting her explain. "Posh twat" she muttered as she pushed passed them "Oi watch it gobby, you nearly knocked him over" Elvis called after her "You can shut it an all face ache. Go talk yourself to death" It dawned on him the Elvis' approach wasn't going to work for him; clearly it wasn't really working for Elvis so why would it work for him? He hobbled after her as fast as he could but she moved too fast, the humiliation fuelling her tired body to move as quickly as she could.

She could feel his eyes on her as he leaned against the wall beside her. Why had she wasted time pissing about with her bag instead of just getting straight out of there? With a flick of the head he invited her to sit, amused at her defiance as she slipped him the finger. He took his chances, moving around the car to climb into the passenger seat next to her "I was a dick and I'm sorry! Male pride got in the way of me being a decent human being for a second there, I thought you'd come to see me and it dented my ego" she gave a shy smile "I wasn't lying, I weren't unwell. Was in hospital and everything" he pulled her hand into his "I'm really sorry to hear that, I wish I'd known I would have sent you some flowers. How about we start fresh, actually exchange numbers and converse like adults?" She nodded "I s'pose it can't hurt. I ain't looking for anything though. Just mates?" just a really hot mate she thought to herself. He pulled her phone from the cradle and typed in his number, pinging himself a text "Hmm if that's what you want but I'd like to take you for dinner, or at least a drink. Think about it and text me. I get out of Headley soon, so I'd love to see you away from here before then" he leaned forward, kissing her gently on the cheek "Again, I'm really sorry. Feel better Molly"

She felt a skip in her stomach as she watched him go; the electricity that bolted through her with just a kiss on the cheek was magical. This couldn't be happening now, the timing just wasn't right.

* * *

"Ere Charlie I asked around about old Dawsey, she's got a bit of a reputation" Charles rolled his eyes, Elvis always was a sore loser when it came to women "I don't really want to know, we've all been there, You and I especially and you more than most. Everyone deserves a chance" Charles snapped. Elvis held up his hands in defence "I'm just saying be careful that's all. She was shagging that welsh tosser Smurf before he snuffed it. And she's been discharged on medical grounds so something fishy has gone on. Just be careful that's all" Charles exited the car, his good mood now well and truly soured "I'll get a cab back" he slammed the door behind him. He'd been so looking forward to the 'non-date' that he'd taken weeks to get her to agree too. She'd been adamant that they'd only ever be friends, although his cocky nature had him telling himself that she wouldn't be able to resist him, especially after she got to know the real him. The gent he knew he could be for the right woman.

He sat in the booth, waiting, ordering the most expensive Champaign he could. She was definitely worth it and he was definitely nervous. He wanted this to be different, fed up of one night stands and women coming and going. Since his back injury he'd realised just how empty his life was, with the exception of Elvis but he wouldn't keep him warm at night.

* * *

"Fuck Jackie I'm really not sure about this" she gazed nervously at Jackie through the mirror as she admired her newly slimmer figure. They weight was falling off these days "If it's not a date you have nothing to worry about. Just keep in mind that he and Elvis seem to be on a mission to become top shaggers, well Elvis at least but he definitely hasn't done too badly himself. You know what a small world the army is" Molly laughed "You can say that again, seems like everyone knows of him, old Captain handsome"

She put the finishing touches to her hair, choosing to keep everything simple; she didn't want him to start getting ideas that it was a date.

* * *

He climbed to his feet, limping slowly towards her as she approached "You didn't have to get up cripple, I saw ya" she giggled. She was nervous considering it was a non-date. "I do try to be a gent" his tone icy and clipped, several glasses of Champaign was making his head fuzzy "Started early I see" she gestured towards the bottle "well if my non date wasn't so late I wouldn't have had too" She fiddled with the zip of her bag, if the wanker was trying to make her uncomfortable it was working " Sorry, I did text but you didn't reply" he checked his phone "So you did, well your here now so let's eat. And let's get some more champagne" she cleared her throat, her discomfort obvious "don't worry about getting any for me, I'm not drinking. He rolled his eyes "you're missing out Dawsey" the use of her military nick name sent shivers down her spine "How did you know I'm called Dawsey?" Despite the fact he was being a drunk twat, the smile on his face sent shivers down her spine "I'm a Captain Molly I make it my business to know everything" and everyone else by the sounds of his reputation.

* * *

 **Molly**

This is actually bloody painful. This drunk, cocky twat has done nothing but make me feel a dick since I got here and now he's so rat arsed I'm gonna have to bloody carry him home. His home, not mine.

How does a pissed person even navigate crutches? Because this muppet can't seem to put one foot in front of the other and he can't seem to walk without them either so we're pretty fucked. After some help from the doorman I've got him into a cab and he's spouting some shit about a reputation the proceeds me and something about Smurf. Well you fucking too mate your reputation ain't exactly gleaming.

I fish his wallet out to hopefully find his address, he's only bloody 27, the way he carries on I thought he was at least 12. Lucky for me gobshite aka peeping twat hears us pull up, his stumbling twat of a mate a dead giveaway that I might gonna need a bit of a hand here.

"He's not meant to be drinking Dawes what you done to him" he laughed, but I'm struggling to see the funny side myself if I'm honest "He's necked 2 bottles of Champaign to himself and he can't put one foot in front of the other. Oh and he's spent to night picking me apart so tell him Ta Ra and see ya later from me"

Elvis bit his lip, this wasn't how it was meant to go and he knew he'd be gutted in the morning "Look he's a drunken mess; I was in his ear before he went out. Give him another go yeah?"

I can't believe I'm even considering it "he can call me tomorrow and explain himself" I jump back in the cab, exhausted to be honest and glad I never said yes to an actual date now. He seemed like he was different to the others but obviously he's just one of the lads and now I know why I swore off men a long time ago.

* * *

Despite the fact that everything inside me is warning me away, I find myself sitting opposite him. He's clearly nursing one bugger of a hangover; but he still looks disgustingly handsome, life aint fair! His long finger brushes my knuckles as I nurse my tea; I ain't gonna make this easy for him. "Say something Molly" he gives me pleading puppy dog eyes and I feel a twinge of something, somewhere that I really shouldn't "I dunno what you want me to say. You invited me out, got pissed and insulted me" he hung his head "I'm so sorry, you have to believe me. That's not me at all, I was nervous and I hadn't drank in a really long time. It's not an excuse, I'm a wanker and I know it but please let me show you just how much I like you" I gaze at him and wonder how anyone wouldn't melt at those eyes, all dark and chocolatey.

"You don't even know me" he smiled back at her, his eyes bore into her "I know enough to know that there is something about you that I miss when I'm not around you. I know you're beautiful and your kind even when I'm a tosser. Please let me know you" she gave into his touch, sliding her tiny hand into his palm "Don't be a dick again" she spat as he chuckled "No more dick behaviour I promise. And we can go as slow as you need too."

All I can do is nod, why the hell am I doing agreeing to this. I like him but who doesn't? What makes me so special that he's willing not to be a grade A tosser?

"I suppose you can take me for lunch then. I'm hank marvin."

* * *

 _ **Ohh he's a little bit of a sod isn't he ;-)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Charles**

3 months of non-dates and spending time and non sex (not that I've pushed it because like I said I want it to be different with her, she's special) and then there's the disappearing, sometimes days maybe even a week or 2 at a time but regardless I'm absolutely, irrevocably in love with a woman who doesn't seem to give a shit if I lived or died.

She plonks herself with a thud into the seat in front of me, nearly an hour late but I've got used to that. She can't keep time and seems to spend a serious amount of time sleeping. But still, I'm mad about her and I can't help but smile at the pretty face smiling back at me.

"Well I did take the liberty of ordering you a tea but that's long cold now, do you want another or shall we move onto the actual plans I have for us? And you've lost more weight, what's going on Molly?"

 **Molly**

He's starting to ask questions about the weight loss and the sleeping and the fact that I can't get my shit together. He was bound too I suppose but I can't tell him just yet, he'll run a mile. And well things maybe are a little bit more than friends even if I'm in denial about it but he's lovely and he makes me feel special.

" Tea first? And something to eat to tide you over until dinner? Your looking very thin" she nodded "yeah whatever. If you're eating I'll have the same" He slide out of the booth, his face full of concern. She'd been hiding something all along but so far he couldn't put his finger on it. He was refraining from invading her privacy and checking her army records, he wanted to feel they were close enough she could tell him anything even if they weren't official.

"Tea, sandwiches and cake. I need to fatten you up Dawsey" he pulled her hand into his, planting kisses onto each of her knuckles "I missed you. Where you been?" She giggled by way of avoiding the question "You're doing really well with your walking now. Before you know it they'll be packing you off to Afghan" his eyes hit the floor "Yeah about that, I've volunteered and all being well and if I get cleared I'll actually be going in a few weeks."

 **Molly**

It feels like the world was crashing down around me. He can't go, he's only just back on his feet and well I might like him a bit more than I've actually let on. Actually I think I might love him a bit but I can't tell him that, although I'm pretty sure if I told him it would make him really happy and I like seeing him happy. He has this look that he saves just for me and when he's happy his eyes light up and he doesn't stop smiling and holding me and I couldn't face watching him go back out there.

"That's good news. You must be well happy?" he nodded "I am, you know yourself what it feels like to be stuck here when all you can think about is getting back too it" she nodded but the hurt was evident in her eyes "Sorry I didn't mean it like that. All I want is here too, but I'm a soldier through and through and I promised myself I'd recover and get back out there" she nodded and slid into his side of the booth, resting her head on his shoulder "whatever makes you happy I suppose. I'll miss you though"

 **Charles**

It took me telling her that I was likely going to be deployed for her to openly show me some affection. She wrapped her arms round my waist and for the first time I realise just how small and fragile she really feels in my arms. I thought it was what I wanted but now I'm not so sure, I want to be here with her and well there's just something I can't quite put my finger on with her. Like maybe she's unwell, like properly unwell or she's got some kind of issue which Elvis kindly planted the idea of in my head after noticing some marks on her arms. But I feel like she's going to need me, and I've been there before where someone important has needed me and I've been on the other side of the world playing soldiers and being shot at.

She's holding me tighter than she ever has and it feels right. It feels perfect in fact and she'd tell me she doesn't do perfect but she does and she is. In Every. Single. Way.

"Hey you're not upset are you?" He lifted her chin with his finger, taking the opportunity to finally kiss her lips. For once she doesn't hesitate and meets his need for her, her fingers weaving through his curls pulling him as close as possible, deepening the kiss "Let's get out of here, Before we get chucked out" he motioned to the disgusted faces of the little old ladies who ran the tea rooms, making her giggle "Let's go back to yours."

They tumbled through the front door, hands and lips all over each other as he fumbled to remove his jacket, dropping it at his feet. He slid her coat off her shoulders, god she was gorgeous and finally she was responding to months of him trying to show her it was different. He needed her.

"I can't do this Charlie, I'm sorry I can't do it" he wanted to hold her and tell her it was okay, whatever she was comfortable with was okay with him but she was gone before he even had his breathe back "Well that went well" he spun to see Elvis watching amused "Fuck off Elvis" He was torn between going after her and letting her have the space she obviously needed. What did he have to do to prove how much he cared?

 **Molly**

Once again I've fucked up. I wanted nothing more than to feel him, so have him completely but I bottled. The weight of what needs to be said playing heavily on my mind because it's going to change everything. Now he's going back to Afghan I'm not sure it's the right thing to do, he'll just worry and if he's worried he won't be focused and if he isn't focused he's in danger and I can't have that.

"Mol? You alright love?" Nan was the last person I needed to see right now. She knew without asking, and with just a look she had me in floods of tears "I can't tell him nan. It's not fair, it will ruin everything" I choke back sobs and fat tears. I was never meant to get involved, was never meant to fall in love with him and now there's no going back.

"Be fair to him Molly. He deserves to know that truth and if he's a goodun like you say he is then he'll be right beside you and that's what you need"

 **Charles**

Once again I've used my position within the army to my advantage. My heart is pounding as I climb the piss stained stairs to the maisonette she currently calls home. She really should get back to her flat; we could spend so much more time together away from the prying eyes of Elvis.

I'm faced with a scruffy bloke who frankly looks like he needs a good wash; he's exactly how Molly described him. "Is Molly home Mr Dawes?" He looks me from head to toe and despite my height advantage I don't seem to faze him at all "She's inside. You must be the Rupert she's always on about?" Well at least she's mentioned me I suppose, that's something "I'm Charles or Charlie as she likes to call me. Nice to meet you" I offer him my hand but he doesn't take it, instead just giving me a nod and pushing the door open. I wonder through this toy heaven to the sound of chaos and kids at every turn. Sam would love it here, being an only child myself I know he gets lonely and it's only made worse by me and Rebecca splitting.

I find her in the kitchen, baking fairy cakes with the smallest of the bunch "Is he yours? Is that what you've been hiding?" she's looking at me in pure disgust, maybe this was a mistake.

"Are you taking the piss?" he stays silent, surveying the situation "He's yours isn't he? Why didn't you just say instead of keeping secrets?" she rolls her eyes "I ain't hiding anything, he's my brother not my son, and anyway what you doing here? Don't remember telling you where I lived or that you could come here" she could see he was wounded "I just wanted to make sure you are okay, that's all and it seems that you are so if you don't want me here then I'll go"

 **Molly**

Nan stood in the doorway glaring at me "What you bleedin' waiting for? Get after him, I'll take over here. And for Christ sake tell him the truth once and for all."

Thank god he's still walking at snail's pace, I'm far too tired for this crap but I suppose we do need to talk. I grab hold of his arm, there is electricity between us and I know he can feel it too. "I'm sorry Charles, about bolting like that" his big hands cup my face and nothin' has ever felt so right. I tiptoe to kiss him, he's worried and he's beautiful and for the first time I realise that I want him to be mine, I need him to be mine. "I need to know what's going on Molly, please"

I have to do this before I lose my nerve, his hands have settled themselves inside my coat, on my waist "Come home with me, we don't have to do anything. Just talk to me, let me in. And stop this bloody crazy diet, you're perfect as you are!"

* * *

Molly peered into the living room, relieved at Elvis' absence. Things we're always different when he was around, she really didn't like him. "It's okay we've got the place to ourselves now, he's sodded off to Manchester to meet some medic he's met" he slid her coat off her shoulders, planting gentle kisses on her exposed shoulders "You Molly Dawes are so beautiful" she lifted her arm to wrap around his neck, pulling him into her as he nuzzled her neck "Tell me what's going on Molly"

"I just.. I'm scared" he spun her to face him "You don't need to be scared of anything; I'd protect you with my life. What are you scared of?" she hesitated, it was now or never and if things progressed it would only get harder "You knew Smurf yeah?" he nodded "Yes I can't say I was his biggest fan but I'd hate to speak Ill of the dead and I know he was important to you" she fished a tissue from her pocket, something to occupy her hands "We were never a couple like everyone thinks, I know we lived together and yeah he was in love with me but it was never like people think. It suited me not to set them straight. He was my best mate and he looked after me and I'm scared that if things get serious between us that I'll lose you too. Same as I lost him" he pulled her into him, holding her tighter than ever before "You will never lose me; I know what I do is dangerous, you've been there so I can't bullshit you. But I will always come back to you, if you want me to that is?" she closed her eyes taking in his scent "Of course I do, think I might be starting to love you a bit" he chuckled "Just a bit?" he tilted her head towards him, nibbling on her bottom lip to stop her biting it herself "Just a teeny weeny bit Charlie" his smile melted her heart "Does that mean that you'll be my girlfriend Molly Dawes?" she shook her head "No."

 **Molly**

I always thought I was a well shit liar but he bought it. And I've gone and told him I love him now so I have to do this, I have to fight it for him. I've bought myself some time, at least until he gets back from tour to get myself together and work out how I'm gonna tell him.

* * *

 **Charles**

Without trying to sound big headed, I knew she loved me despite this relationship being hard work. She finally opened up and although I feel it's not the absolute truth I'll take her word for it, for now at least. I can appreciate how hard it is to put your cards on the table, I'm still trying to work out how best to tell her about Sam and Rebecca. How do you tell the girl that you love and have worked so hard for that you got your 5 minute fling pregnant by accident and then married her only for it to blow up spectacularly in my face? Being a divorcee at 27 is hardly a great advert for a blossoming relationship and she already has abandonment issues over Smurf's death by the looks of things. All I know is, I love her and these few weeks before I go away need to be magical. I love my son and want nothing more than for them to be a part of each others lives.

* * *

"Thanks so much for this Mol, we're gonna have some much fun" Jackie settled herself into her new room, Smurfs room actually and Molly finally felt like it was the right time to move on. Jackie had been given permission to live out and the girls missed each other since Molly had left the army."I want all the goss about your Captain handsome as well, I hardly see you these days" Molly giggled "It's going well, I've definitely fallen for him" Jackie Smiled "I can see that by the silly grin on your face, it suits you" Molly smiled to herself, things were going perfectly, a little too perfectly she worried. "I do wonder what a Rupert like him sees in me though Jac, he could have any woman he wanted, why me?" Jackie sighed "Instead of asking yourself why me, you should ask yourself why not me? Look at you Molly you knock spots off most girls, you're funny, your common as fuck and that's all part of your charm and most importantly you're a good person. Start believing it because it's true. You deserve some happiness" They were interrupted by the doorbell "Speak of the devil" Molly chuckled, pulling her friend into a hug "Thanks Jac, I'd be lost without you."

* * *

 **As always, thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming please, I always love to know how I'm doing :) Have a lovely weekend all - S x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who has R &R so far. It really is appreciated as it's the only way to gauge how the story is going down with readers and I'm still not sure I'm feeling this one so it's helping so much! **

* * *

"I don't wanna go to a bleedin' Rupert's ball. Everyone is gonna be looking at me" Charles threw his head back in laughter, amused by her latest tantrum "Molly, the only reason anyone would be looking at you is because you'll be the best looking one there. And you'd make me immensely happy if you came with me, we've only got a few days left before I go, let's make them count. Now pick a bloody dress" he watched her browse the rails, fully aware she was completely out of her comfort zone with ball gowns and expensive things "What about this one?" She held up a ruby red, floor length gown, simple and elegant "It's perfect. Try it on and see how you feel and let's get out of here"

She emerged from the changing room, flustered and self-conscious but utterly beautiful. She could tell he liked what he saw from the way he was biting his bottom lip "Will I do then?" He nodded, feeling a heat in his groin "Oh Molly. You are stunning! It's definitely the one" she nodded "yeah I think it is. I'll pay you back if that's okay? it's probably well flippin' expensive it ain't even got a price tag" he closed the gap between them, placing his hands on her slim hips "I want to buy you the dress, and anything else you want to go with it. It's my honour to have you on my arm" she smiled to herself. He had a way of making her feel special and beautiful and loved like never before "I suppose I can manage one evening of poncing it up just for you then" she tip toed to kiss his lips "Can I introduce you as my girlfriend?" He gave her the cheekiest smirk he could muster "No" she laughed but he didn't share her amusement. "So after all these months you still don't see me as your boyfriend?" She gazed into his eyes, so full of hurt "I already told you I wasn't looking for anything" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck "Then what are we doing? What is all this? Why do we spend all of our free time together? Why do we stay at each other's homes? In each other's beds? Why have you let me fall in love with you?" She's never seen him cry before and she was sure that he had tears in his eyes, she was hurting him.

She pulled the curtain on the changing room, he was right she wasn't being fair "I do love you though" she whispered into the soured atmosphere. Tonight would be the night she would put it all right. She'd tell him and then it would be his decision, if he could stand by her or not and she wouldn't blame him if he walked away, she wouldn't blame him at all. Smurf had been the only one who had dealt with it and been there. But he'd snuffed it and left her alone and she couldn't face that happening again.

* * *

She answered the door to her tall, dark and handsome soldier, dressed to the nine's in his fancy uniform looking every inch the Hollywood model "Oh wow" she gasped making him chuckle "what?" She bit her lip "You know what, look at you" his eyes surveyed her "You definitely look gorgeous yourself" she pulled him into her arms, her small, cold hands finding their place under his jacket "I'm sorry about earlier. I love you and of course I'm your girlfriend" he swept her off of her feet, swinging her into the air "You've made my night" his smile, the one that lit up his entire face was worth all her doubts.

His eyes didn't leave her as she put the finishing touches to her look "I love you hair like that" he slid himself behind her, planting kisses down her shoulder "You are so beautiful. I don't know how I'll keep my hands off of you tonight" she snuggled into him, the warmth of his body made her feel safe "Well Ditto Captain. We'd better go before I end up stripping you and having my wicked way" he sniggered "I'd be up for that. I look forward to making love to my _girlfriend_ later"

He offered his hand "Would you do me the honour of accompanying me to the ball Miss Dawes" she giggled, butterflies rising in her stomach "Certainly Captain James" he led the way to the waiting car, flashy and big and typically Charles James "well there was me expecting and uber" he buried his face into her neck "I wanted tonight to be special for you." In that moment she was more sure of him than she'd ever been, they'd be okay once she told him, they had to be - there was no going back for her now.

* * *

She was nervous, bricking it in fact as he led her through the ballroom to find their table. Shocked gawps of officers who recognised her and even more shocked gasps of officers who couldn't hide their shock at her being on the arm of the onetime ladies' man Captain James. She'd certainly gone up in the world since the days of Smurf.

He never took his eyes off her, introducing her to his friends and keeping her close. Never letting her feel she didn't belong, she belonged with him. They danced and they laughed and they enjoyed every second of each other's company.

Elvis appeared as if by magic at their table, it was time to make an effort with him, for Charles' sake. She appreciated him more now that she knew exactly how he'd cared for Charles after he was injured. She was grateful.

"Dawsey you look gorgeous" He pulled her hand into his and kissed it "I hear you finally put him out of his misery?" she giggled to herself "well if I'd known how much it meant to him I'd have given in sooner" Elvis could only smile at her "You have no idea do you Dawes. He's mad about you and I haven't seen him this happy since Sam was born"

The look on her face told him he'd fucked up "Who is Sam?" She was baffled "Oh you know.. Sam" "No, I don't know a Sam" he swallowed hard "fuck" Charles pulled her up to dance "Miss Molly, I do believe you owe me a dance" she followed him to the dance floor, staring back at Elvis' pained expression. He pulled her into his chest, his heart swollen with love and admiration for this girl who'd single handily changed the way he saw the world, the way he saw himself and what he wanted in life. He deserved to be happy and he wanted that to be with her. She rested her head on his chest, knowing that once she asked the burning question everything would change. She breathed him in, enjoyed his touch. So what if he had a child? She loved him and it was okay.

"Who's Sam?" She almost a whispered. He stopped dead, his eyes full of fear and apology, he couldn't speak. "Charles, who is Sam?" She demanded "He's my son, my baby. I meant to tell you, I just never found the right moment but I love him and he's part of my life and I love you and I need you" she rested her head back onto his chest "You should have just told me Charles" he held her close, was this her accepting him and his son? Now was the time to lay the rest of his cards on the table.

"Molly, you know I love you don't you?" She nodded "Then I have to tell you, I have a wife. I'm in the middle of a divorce" her stomach dropped and the room span around her "A wife? You're a married man?" He tried to speak but she was stumbling away from him, her head dizzy. Elvis was at her side "Dawes, are you alright?" She grabbed onto him "Take me Home Elvis, please take me home" he watched as his friend fell apart but he had to do the right thing by the girl in front of him.

 **Molly**

My legs feel like they ain't gonna carry me out of here as I cling to Elvis, for what I don't know. Support maybe, Physical? Emotional? I look back to him rooted to the spot, he knows not to follow me, this lie was too much to take. A son, a baby son I could deal with, who am I to kick off about someone loving their kid I mean he could have told me but a wife? I've fallen in love with a man who belongs to somebody else; his heart belongs to someone else. I look around to see where the sobs that ring through my ears are coming from only to realise they are coming from me as Elvis leads me through the crowds. I'm having some kind of out of body experience, it's like I'm floating. He's talking to me but I can't hear a word "Molly?" He shakes me and the heat of his fingers burns into my skin, my cold, clammy skin "Is there anyone in who can look after you?" I nod "Yeah Jackie is home. Thanks for he lift" he pulls me into a hug. Who knew gobshite could give such caring hugs "I've got to check on Charlie but please understand Molly; he loves you more than anything in this world. Please remember that. I know he's been a grade A tosser, but please give him the chance to explain. You can't let him get on that plane like this" I nod because it's all I can do, my legs carry me the short walk into my flat where Jackie greets me and she's talking, she's concerned but there's ringing in my ears so I can't hear her and just like that everything's gone black and I feel myself hit the ground. Back to reality with a bang, literally.

* * *

 **Elvis**

He's probably necked the entire contents of our table in the half hour I've been gone, the fact he's swaying like a flag pole in the wind is a dead giveaway. He looks broken, like I've never seen before. Not even when they told him he might not walk again after buggering his back. He's strong and he's resilient and to be honest he's the best bloke I've ever met and this girl has gotten into the very soul of him. He's got a bit of a shit reputation (thanks to me) which to be honest is completely undeserved (on his part, not mine – I completely deserve it) and he takes a bit a stick round the barracks (also thanks to me) but he would crawl through hell for anyone, and he has done. He's saved my arsed more times than I care to remember and I owe him one. I owe him a couple actually and I'm gonna fix this for him.

* * *

The feeling of the sunshine on his face wakes him from his uncomfortable, cold sleep against the door of two women who were either very good at pretending not to be home or were in fact, really not home. He spent the night, knocking and pleading, praying she'd ley him in, they could make it right he knew they could.

He gave up the ghost, only hours away from deployment and he still had to see Sam. She'd accepted him without question, it would have been fine but Rebecca was the final straw. They divorce papers were due to hit the mat anytime but he couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't fly off to Afghan with secrets between them; little did he know the biggest one of all was still yet to come to light, the real life changer.

She watched him leave through a gap in the curtains "Goodbye Charles James" she whispered as he climbed into a waiting taxi. She'd slept on it only to find that she loved him regardless of a wife, a soon to be ex-wife if he was telling the truth and she was a liar herself so how could she judge him? But it was easier this way, she didn't have to expose herself, open herself up to his reaction when she told him. Now she wouldn't have too. Tears slipped down her cheeks at the thought of him leaving, in just a few short hours he'd be gone - a thing of the past, someone to forget about, like Smurf. A permanent hole in her heart, now there would be two.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm exceptionally nervous about posting this particular chapter and I apologise in advance if Molly's situation causes any upset or is a trigger for anyone who may read this. Lots of love - S x**

* * *

 **In the rain-darkness,**  
 **the sunset**  
 **being sheathed i sit**  
 **and think of you the holy**  
 **city which is your face**  
 **your little cheeks the streets of smiles**  
 **your eyes half-thrush**  
 **half-angel and your drowsy**  
 **lips where float flowers of kiss and**  
 **there is the sweet shy pirouette your hair and then**  
 **your dance song**  
 **soul rarely-beloved**  
 **a single star is**  
 **uttered, and i**  
 **think of you.**

* * *

 _Dearest Molly_

 _I hope this letter finds you well and you've had some time to calm down. I can only imagine the hurt I've caused you and for that I am truly sorry._

 _Not a day has gone by out here that I haven't thought of you, missed you or dreamt of you. I need you to know how much I wanted things to be different between us. You are so special to me and I fucked it up and I've spent every day since regretting not telling you the truth._

 _The full and honest truth of the situation is, at the time I was going through a divorce and I didn't know how to tell you. I mean I'm only 27 and it feels like a massive failure to have an ex-wife and an 18 month old son that I rarely get to see and to be honest I was worried you'd look at me differently. That the sparkle I saw in your eye every time you looked at me would be gone, that I'd be tainted._

 _I love you more than I could ever put into words and the few months we had together were some of the happiest of my life, I know I made you happy too even though you were too scared to admit it._

 _The last 3 months without you have been insufferable, I've been an absolute nightmare to be around. I can only hope the two section will forgive me for all the 6am PT sessions because I can't sleep for thinking about you – about us. I can't focus on anything but making this right. To be honest I don't think my head is even in this tour and for that I'm likely to end up very sorry unless I do something about it now._

 _So with saying that, please tell me there is a chance for us? Either way please let me know, I'm going out of my mind here._

 _I love you._

 _Yours always,_

 _Charles x_

* * *

 **Molly**

I traced my fingers across his name, I don't know why but its brought me comfort. 3 months have passed and I've missed him every single day, even though I've ignored every phone call and every text he'd sent me. Mum always has said I cut my nose to spite my face, I guess she's right.

I think I finally understand now why he did it, the same reason why I did and am still doing the same thing.

"Wow who's kicked your puppy?" Bella threw herself down on the bed next to me "Fess up misery guts. Who's the letter from?" I shoved the letter in my bag. Even though I didn't intend to reply I still treasured every contact he made, it shows that he really must have loved me. That bit wasn't a lie at least. "None of your bloody business! When did you get so nosey?" Bella laughed at me "Well one of us needs some excitement in our lives and I don't hang around sexy soldiers like you do so if you don't want him send him my way yeah?" I swatted her round the head like a fly, the thought of him with someone else makes my blood boil.

"You feeling better? You're not as pale as you was" Bella lifted her hand to my forehead, checking my temperature like she's my mother rather than my younger sister "You defo feel less clammy. I think we should piss off back to your place, dads doing my nut in" I nod because I definitely need to get back home. Mum's fussing has been doing my head in and I need to check my answer phone. I still need to hear his voice because to be honest, my world is crumbling without him. It all feels empty and pointless, like I'm just going through the motions. It doesn't help that Jackie is gone as the new medic for two section and with them both not being around it's been lonely. Who knew that just knowing someone for a few months could leave such a sodding great hole in your life?

* * *

 **Charles**

No calls, no texts, no emails and no response to the letter I wrote her 3 weeks ago. This is hell like I've never experienced before. My heart constantly feels like its 5 sizes too big for my chest, swollen, hurting and empty. I can appreciate what I did was wrong, no one knows that more than I do but I still can't help but feel that she was hiding something too. Her bullshit excuse of Smurf just didn't match up to all the signs that she was living some kind of double life. I've called in a favour and probably broken a hundred regulations but I've got her personal file sitting here in front of me and it I can't bring myself to open it. I can't bring myself to finally know what the elephant in the room has been all along. I push them under my pillow, maybe later. I'll give her a last chance to talk to me, to tell me what's going on.

* * *

She skimmed through the answering machine until she came to his voice.

"Molly, I just wanted to say how much I miss you and this is killing me. Please Molly, let me know you're okay. Call me"

Bella eyed her suspiciously "What's that all about?" Molly rolled her eyes, curling into the sofa. Her thumb hovered over his name in her phone but she couldn't bring herself to call him, too much time had passed now.

"Did you tell him? Did he not take it well?" Molly shook her head "We're finished I didn't get the chance to tell him" Bella bit her tongue. She loved her sister more than anything but she didn't agree with her keeping this secret "He was good for you Molly, so stop being a twat and call him back. And tell him the bloody truth, you're not being fair to him."

My mind wanders to him, lonely and upset in the middle of a warzone and I realise that I really have hit a new level of selfish. I don't know how I can make this right anymore with another 3 months to wait out but I know my heart is hurting for him.

* * *

"That was a close call boss" Fingers' voice was the last thing he needed to hear "No shit Sherlock" he spat "Look Boss, whatever it is. You can talk to me, I know I'm a lower rank but we've been together a long time. I know you're going through something and I can be serious sometimes. It might help but whether you talk to me or not, you're putting us all in danger going out there in this head space. We made it back by the skin of our teeth today, Next time we might not be so lucky Sir" he formed an O with his mouth, ready to unleash but words failed him. He knew Fingers was right, he was jeopardising not only his men's safety but his own too "Piss off Fingers before I put you on a charge."

He stomped to his tent like a petulant child, his hands reaching for his phone, shaking as her pressed her name. No answer. His hands fumbled for the folder, he was breaking her trust even more. His slim fingers flicked through the pages, details of her bravery saving Smurf, Minor cuts and scrapes from the battlefield. An all-around exemplary Private Dawes it seems.

He lingered over her medical discharge. Guessing there was maybe some kind of pregnancy involved, maybe she'd given the child up? Maybe she'd lost it. It was most likely Smurfs whatever the circumstances of the child now. His eyes flicked through the details. It had started on her last tour. Episodes of light headedness, fatigue and fevers, severe unexplained bruising. She'd eventually been sent to base hospital in Bastian. It wasn't just some flu like she thought, it was Leukaemia. Molly had cancer.

"Oh, god" he was barely breathing, his chest tightening. He stared at the page in disbelief, tears - big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. "No" he felt his stomach retch. Molly, his Molly was sick and she needed him and where was he? He was nowhere any use to her. His legs were so weak they couldn't carry him; the cool ground beneath him was sobering as his body shook violently. He couldn't do this; he could not be there for another three months not knowing how she was or if she needed him.

He climbed to his feet, the room spinning around him, Mansfield rushing to his side "Easy there boss man, are you ill?" He called for Jackie "There's something wrong with the boss" Mansfield panicked, he'd never seen him this way before "it's okay, I'll take it from here" Jackie ordered. She spotted the file on the floor, closing her eyes waiting for the inevitable to come. "Right boss let's get you checked over" he pushed her hand away as she attempted to take his temperature "I'm not ill Jackie. Did you know about Molly? please tell me you didn't know" she was silent, unsure how to tell him that the woman he loved had kept this from him.

"I only found out recently Sir, when she had a funny turn" she held him as he sobbed "She won't speak to me Jackie, I need to know she's okay"

Jackie pulled her mobile from her pocket "Call her, bit for Christ sake boss don't upset her please. Pull yourself together, it's a shock I know but you have to be strong for her. Take your time and I'll see you in a bit" she squeezed his shoulder; this was such a fucked up situation she couldn't blame him for falling to pieces.

He hovered over her name, almost afraid to call. "Jack's, how's Afghan treating ya?" His voice caught in his throat "Molly" he barely choked out her name in a sob, listening to her gasp on the other end of the line before she hung up. For the first time in his life he felt utterly hopeless.

* * *

 **Poem by E.E Cummings**

 **Once again thanks for the reviews, please keep them coming - they mean a lot X**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for all the love on the last chapter! This one was actually ready to go last night but I've been having issues getting on the site *Rolls Eyes* Anyway happy Saturday all x**

* * *

 **Molly**

I've been feeling good lately. I've completed the most recent stage of my treatment and I'm hoping for some good news soon. My energy is back and I've been getting out more as per mums instructions. She thinks that a long walk can cure almost anything and to be honest maybe she's right, although the poor cow never had much choice over the years it was a long walk or sod all because she never had any money. It's not like she could piss off to the gym or for a bit of retail therapy so a walk had to do her.

He's finally got the hint. Stopped calling and that and at first I was disappointed but I think I'm finally moving on. His tour will be ending soon and although I don't give a shit about him, I'll be glad when he's home safe and sound and back with his son. The thought of the one you love being out there is even worse when you've been there yourself and you know first-hand what they're dealing with and yes I'm well aware that I've just said I love him and well denial has always been a character flaw of mine.

I wake to some tosser hammering the door down, it's bloody 11pm on a Tuesday night and I'm bleedin' tired. I open to a red eyed, puffy faced Elvis. "Everything alright gobshite? Ain't seen you in a while" he makes towards the door "Can I come in Dawsey? I really need a mate" I pull the door wider to accommodate him, he's shaking and wobbly on his feet. "Are you pissed? Has someone knocked seven shades out of ya?" He shook his head "Molly its Charlie" I motioned for him to sit, plonking myself opposite him. My hearts going 90 and I can feel tears welling "Is he okay? What's happened?" He's doing this thing where he closes his eyes and his massive hand rubs back and forth across his chin, he does that when shit is really wrong.

"Elvis talk to me. Is he alright?" He shook his head "No Molly he's not alright. He's been shot; it's really bad this time. They don't think he's gonna make it"

Thank fuck I'm sitting because the ringing that I get in my ears when I'm about to hit the deck is screaming full blast and I can just about make out him kneeling in front of me. He's guiding my head between my knees and I wanna tell him that I can't breathe but he came to me looking for support and now I'm the shit one who can't cope and he's holding me and we're both crying like babies, me and the gobshite who I fucking hated but then I grew to love him as my mate but I'd still punch his face in kind of way because he loves Charlie as much as I do.

He pours me a whisky from Jackie's stash and I ain't had a drink in so long that this is a bad idea but I neck it anyway. "Help yourself to whatever you want Elvis" he does just that and pours himself a large one and sits next to me, his elbows on his knees as he leans forward surveying me "We'll head to Birmingham first thing alright?" I nod because what the fuck else am I meant to do? Can't exactly say "nah sorry mate I'm not gonna visit my dying ex-boyfriend coz I still think he's a tosser for lying" but all of that has fallen away. It doesn't exists anymore and I'm counting down the hours until we can get on the road and it's at least a couple because he's had that massive bloody drink.

"Where's he hit?" Elvis shrugs "I dunno Dawes, all I know is that they got him good. Several hits actually, he died twice in the MERT" I close my eyes and imagine him calling for me. My body goes into autopilot and I start packing loads of random shit that I ain't gonna need but I need to keep my nut busy. I ain't letting him bloody die.

* * *

Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel when we finally made it to Birmingham. I'm holding Elvis for support, the slightest bit of stress sends my body into shut down and frankly I feel like shit. We arrive to an empty room, my stomach once again drops in panic. "Sit down Dawes I'll be right back" The silence is deafening. I watch his concerned face as he approaches "He's in surgery. Another emergency op, he keeps bleeding internally. There's a stomach wound, that's the one giving the complications there's also two leg wounds. He isn't strong enough for them to operate on those yet. They patched up the external damage at Bastian but he's gonna need a lot more work." I rest my head on his shoulder "we'll wait then" he agrees, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, the warmth is nice as my body fights against me, telling me to lay down and take it easy but how can I?

* * *

I wake to Elvis is gazing through the glass at a very unconscious Charlie. He's a funny colour, the colour of death my nan would say. I join him at the window and it takes all of my strength not to run in there. To tell him I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and that he's a dickhead for getting shot.

"How is he?" I turn to face a supermodel I've never seen before; she wraps her arms around Elvis' neck "the next 12 hours are critical" he whispers, fighting back tears. She introduces herself to me a Georgie, Elvis' girlfriend and I start to regret the fact that I look like a fucking scruff bag. She's tall and she's lean with glossy dark hair, much nicer than my thinning hair that I can barely take a brush too without losing hand fulls, thank god I've got plenty to spare. She seems to know Charlie, the look of concern and upset on her face evident. She's brought us both teas and places a kind hand on my arm, disturbing me from the horror of seeing him lying there.

* * *

Days have passed and the steady stream of visitors seems to be easing off. No one has really batted an eyelid to me taking residence in the seats outside his room. His parents go back and forth between here and a hotel and the ex-wife in all her shiny haired glory sashays in and out with the baby. She's beautiful; god knows what he saw in me if that was who he was married too.

I take his letter out of my pocket and trace my finger across his name, anything to feel close to him as he clings to life in front of me. There's been no movement, just the steady beeps of artificial life from the machines attached to him. Elvis booked us rooms but I can't leave him, he once told me he wanted me to be the last thing he sees and well I let him down on that but I'll make sure I'm the first thing he sees when he wakes up. And he will wake up because I need him too and he's through the critical 12 hours now, long through it and I'm waiting for him. For as long as it takes I'll wait for him.

I take the opportunity to sit with him whilst he's alone. He has a little more colour in his cheeks but he's still not looking too clever if I allow myself to be honest. I wrap my hand around his and plant kisses on each knuckle the way he always used to do to me. I run my hands through his curls, still full of Afghan grime. My fingers trace the hollow outline of his thinning face but he's still beautiful.

Brown eyes flicker open and hold my gaze. His hand reaches for my face and I can't help but lean into it before I brush my lips against his, and to be honest it was probably the last thing he wanted when he woke up from emergency surgery but I can't help myself. All these months of misery for both of us has ended in the worst way possible.

She clears her throat in the door way with the baby bouncing on her hip "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. Just wanted to check on him" I don't know what to say to her, she probably ain't got a Scooby who I am or what I'm doing here. "You must be Molly?" I nod, because yeah that's me and that answers that questions "I'm Rebecca and this is Sam. We've heard a lot about you"

His eyes are closed again as he succumbs to his pain meds "It's nice to meet you" is all I can muster for her and I gaze at the little boy now toddling around the room, the image of his dad right down to the head of chocolate brown curls and melting, chocolate brown eyes.

She's sizing me up, with her perfect hair and her ice blue eyes. Now that I think about it she's exactly who I'd imagine him to be with. Two perfect humans, procreating to make another equally perfect version of themselves. Something I probably won't ever be able to give him.

"It was nice to meet you. And you little man" I bend down to talk to him as he hangs off my leg "You're a cutie ain't you. Look after daddy for me" I gather my stuff and make for the door "would you tell him I came please?" She nods "Of course. See you soon Molly; don't forget to take care of yourself. He's going to need you."

* * *

I creep through the corridor like a criminal. It's after hours but I need to see him, need to make sure he's okay. The nurse catches my eye and takes pity on me, after my previous days being camped out here I guess she feels like a deserve a bit of alone time with him. I take his hand into mine, there's pain etched into his handsome face. He gives me a gentle squeeze back and brown eyes stare back at me. A small smile forms across his lips "Is it really you?" He croaks "yep it's really me" his hand squeezes mine once again, tighter this time, like he never wants to let go.

"How you feeling?" He coughs to clear his throat, wincing in pain, clearly still unacquainted with his injuries "I've been better Dawes. I've missed you" he wants to tell her he knows and he's sorry but he's afraid she'll bolt and she's what he needs right now. He needs to hold her hand, for her to tell him everything will be okay. That they'll both be okay.

 **Molly**

"How bad is it?" His face is full of pain and it breaks my heart. "It's bad, you've lost a lot of blood and it your leg is pretty messed up, but they are most worried about your stomach" he closed his eyes to hold back tears "I didn't mean me Molly"

She stared at him confused "What did you mean then?" He's writhing in agony now and I push the bell so they can give him something "Your sick Molly. How bad is it?"

He reached for her as she stumbled to her feet "Please don't go. Don't leave me like this Molly, I need you."

* * *

I've been back several times but never made it to his room. I sit in the canteen, nursing my second tea when I feel her eyes in my back. She takes the liberty of sitting across from me, hair perfect, and clothes expensive. She holds my gaze before speaking whilst I wonder what the fuck she actually wants. "He's been asking for you. He's scared you wouldn't come back" I shrug my shoulders "I nearly didn't if I'm honest" She smiles sympathetically; I almost don't want her to be nice to me. I need a reason to hate her, a reason for the jealousy that I feel towards her "He really isn't in a good way Molly, he isn't out of the woods yet. If I were you I'd get myself up there. You have nothing to fear with me, yes I'm his ex but we married because it felt like the right thing to do. It was never going to work, we just tried to do right by our son and it turns out the right thing was to be happy separately. He's a good man and a fantastic dad" I nod in agreement because I know he's a good man, a silly one yes but a good one all the same.

"He rang me from Afghanistan you know. He was distraught to find out the way he did" I'm not really sure why she's telling me all this, or why he rang his ex-wife to discuss my business or how he even found out but that's a conversation for me and him to have. "Does he always discuss my private life with you?" My tone is much icier than I intend but I feel like I need to protect myself against her "Look we're good friends still - him and I and he's the father of my child and we talk. And let's face the facts, you weren't talking to him while he was out there pining for you. He needed someone" I feel the heat rising in my cheeks because I know she's right "I won't watch you hurt him; he's got it rough enough as it is. So only go upstairs if you plan on sticking around. If not then you know where the door is. Take care Molly, I really hope you make the right choice."

I watch her sashay her way back to him, my heart full of guilt and jealousy and anger and all these feelings that I can't explain. How do I always manage to make such an epic fuck up of my life?


	7. Chapter 7

I slide my hand underneath his as he sleeps. He's got a bit more colour in his cheeks, but still he looks so ill. He squeezes me, picking up my hand, bringing it to his lips "You've looked better James" I giggle, humour always the default reaction to anything uncomfortable in life "Ditto Dawes." I watch as the nurse tends to his latest surgical wounds. He's now the proud owner of some metal hardware holding his bones in place. He winces in pain as she adjusts him to keep him comfortable "Squeeze my hand when it hurts." She pulls back the cover to reveal his wounded torso, tears prick in my eyes just looking at him in this state. "I knew you was an attention seeker but this takes the biscuit don't it" he tries to laugh but laughter turns to pain as he clicks frantically on his morphine drip.

"Sleep Charles, I'll still be here when you wake up. If you want me to be?" He nods "more than anything" his eyes give in to the tiredness and he doesn't once let go of her hand.

* * *

 **Charles**

The searing, burning pain radiating throughout my body wakes me from a fairly comfortable sleep all things considered. It seems that sleep only comes when I'm full to the brim with morphine. But the morphine cannot dull the ache in my heart I feel for her. The guilt that I feel that she's so sick and she's here, curled up in the chair uncomfortably for me when she should be resting at home. I ask myself over and over how I didn't notice. She's pale, so pale and I realised now that she's always looked ill. I always put it down to her love of late nights and burning the candle at both ends but now I wonder if I really was so self-absorbed that the signs just didn't register with me. I also cant help but question why she never loved me enough to tell me. I've decided to resign my commission and we'll get each other through this. There is still talk of me losing my leg, for the first time ever I'm praying to whatever god there is out there that he spares me that life sentence. She needs me; I have be okay for her.

* * *

"Hey you" she climbs to her feet, gently stretching her tired limbs as he gazes at the ceiling. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, careful of the tubes and drips coming from every inch of him. She ran her hand through his curls before dropping gentle kisses along his jaw line "I love you" he choked back a sarcastic laugh "Clearly not enough to tell me the important stuff" she sighed, once again picking up his hand, straightening out his long fingers as a distraction "Let's not do this while you're so unwell. We'll have plenty of time to talk once you're feeling better" he nodded "I'm should be sending you home to rest but I'm scared you won't come back" she chuckled "I'm not about to snuff it if that's what you mean" He shuddered, her words sending chills through him "Christ Molly, that's not what I meant. I meant you'd do anything to avoid talking to me" she settled a hand on his good leg, not wanting to break he contact between them "I'm not going anywhere. And I don't think you can talk about me not fessing do you?" He cried out in pain, making her feel guilty for scolding him. "Look let's just get you through the worst of this, then you can bollock me all you want. Until then you are gonna bloody rest."

* * *

 **Molly**

His recovery so far has been one long line of setbacks but he's finally out of hospital – 3 months later. Back home in Bath and my stomach is full of butterflies at the thought of seeing him. It's been 2 long weeks, I thought he needed some time to settle and adapt whilst I had some things to do myself. Some treatment to try and keep myself well but he doesn't need to know that.

I can't help but feel like the stress of me being ill is hindering him. He's spends hours worrying, researching treatments and alternative therapies, sending me things that I've already read a hundred times. He's hardly concentrated on that leg of his, he's got a lot of work to do but he's too stressed, Too stressed over me.

"Missed me?" He bites his bottom lip at the sight of me and does that sexy head flick that he does to invite me inside "Should you be up and about like this?" My hand settles on his still heavily bandaged torso, infection and internal bleeding have ravaged him "Yep, got to keep myself moving. Not that this sodding thing lets me go far" his flicked his head towards his heavily strapped leg "well then hop along if you wanna show me where the tea is at I'll make us one and we can go for a little stroll if you're up to it? Keep the blood flowing and all that" I follow behind him, he's doing much better than when I last saw him when he couldn't even hold his body weight up on crutches, completely weak and broken but he's doing bether now.

He sits himself at the kitchen island, wincing with every movement. Maybe a stroll is still off the cards after all "Coffee Sir?" He's doing that really sexy smirking thing that he does when he's really pleased to see me and to be honest I don't want a bloody tea, I want to rip his sodding clothes off and make us both feel better.

"Just so you know and you don't shit yourself my mother is around. Insists that I can't be left home alone until I can walk unaided again" he rolls his eyes "I hope that's okay, I didn't lure you here under false pretences to meet the parents or anything" I can't help but giggle at him "its fine numpty. I wanted to see you. Missed you ain't I, but only a really little bit" I meet his smirk with one equally as cheeky; the sexual chemistry between us is boiling. "Maybe now would also be a good time to mention that I have Sam staying tonight. It's just one night to help Rebecca out, obviously mum will be doing the majority" well that was cold shower I needed "I can help, let her have a rest" he's doing that thing he does where he just gazes at me like I'm the only person in the world. His eyes full of love and beauty and my ovaries are doing that little dance they do when I'm around him.

"What you thinking?" I pull him from somewhere far away, he keeps doing that "Just how beautiful you are, but you don't look well. Are you okay?" I nod my head because I am at the moment "Yep I'm all good, same can't be said for you though mate you ain't as pretty as I first remember ya" he chuckles at me but there is a sadness there "Come here and let me hold you" I slide myself between his legs, wrapping one arm around his neck and one around his torso "This still hurting?" I place my hand on his wounds, still completely terrified about him popping his clogs on me. He nods, wincing at even the gentlest touch "It is Dawes, but I'm here and that's all that matters. We've got bigger fish to fry" he positions me so he's looking me straight in the eye "We need to have a couple of serious conversations don't we?" I nod because I can tell by the worry etched on his face where this is going "Can I ask you something? And I don't mean for this to upset you…" I try to distract him by grazing my lips across his but it doesn't work, Captain stern face is out to play today, my soft, injured Charlie well and truly hidden behind a mask of authority "You can ask me anything. I promised you we would talk so let's talk." He winces as he pulls in a deep breathe "Are you terminal?" Tears fill his beautiful brown eyes, reddening the already red rings of pain and exhaustion that linger "No Charlie. I'm not terminal and I'm doing really well" he nods as relief flushes over him "Why didn't you tell me? Why do you find it so hard to talk to me about it?" I pull his hands in to mine "Because I didn't want you to stop looking at me the way you did and I didn't want another person I love to be eaten up with worry. You've been so ill Charlie and I can't put anymore worry onto your shoulders. And also you're treating me as if I might break but I'm much stronger than I look" He lets out a childish giggle "Ditto"

I push his crutches towards him, beckoning him to follow me to the garden. The kitchen suddenly feels claustrophobic "you are actually broken though mate, you've got the hardware to prove it" he sits on the nearest surface, the movement becoming too much "I want to come with you, the next time you have an appointment and every appointment after that Molly. I want you to know I'm not going anywhere, we're in this together." I bury my face into his neck; I've heard all this before and still ended up alone. I want to breathe in this smell for the rest of my life but the fear of the unknown is ever present in my gut. I can't promise him forever and it really frightens me.

* * *

The sound of the back door opening startled him from his sleepy haze, stretched out full length on the rattan sofa, Molly tucked peacefully at his side, deep in sleep after enjoying the afternoon breeze and sunshine.

"Sorry Charlie, I got carried away in the library. How are you feeling my love?" Beth James' eye widen at the picture in front of her "Molly?" She mouthed, delighted. The smile the lit up his face speaks volumes "I'll put the dinner on then. You call me if you need a hand dear" Beth was both excited and apprehensive about meeting the famous Molly. She'd heard so much about her in the weeks since he'd been home. But the most important thing to Beth was that he was smiling again because of her, despite his horrific injuries. She prayed she was here to stay.

* * *

"Now that wasn't too scary was it Dawes?" He'd been amused at her almost childish reaction upon waking to find that now was the moment she'd be meeting his mother. He was completely endeared by the little ways she had about her, even if they were sometimes stroppy and petulant. She was like no one else he'd ever met. "Nah s'pose not. She seems alright your mum, not as posh as you is she" he choked back a laugh "Cheeky mare, just because I use the Queens English doesn't actually make me posh you know!" She rolled her eyes at him, another stroppy habit "Whatever! Although this bleedin' house makes you posh, never seen nothing like it. How can just three of you live here?" He distracted her from her thoughts "Can we have the other conversation we're long overdue now Dawes?" she rolled her eyes again "Now we seems to have fallen back into the swing of things, but I need to know – Did you move on at all? You know, while we was apart?" his insecurity was adorable she thought as he gazed at her with puppy dog eyes "There hasn't been anyone else since the day I met you Charlie boy" his school boy giggle made her heart melt as he pulled her as close as possible "That is music to my ears" she giggled back at him "Soppy git ain't ya" she helped him sit back into his mound of pillows "Now have a bloody rest coz you do bang on a bit and my heads bloody killin' me"

He was slowly picking up on the tell-tale signs when she didn't feel good, always deflecting it onto him. He held her close to him as she drifted quickly to sleep with a protective hand on his stomach, unable to drift off himself even though he was tired and in agony, his brain full once again unable to switch off from everything that filled it.

He'd refused counselling for now, putting Molly's health ahead of his own he wanted to make sure he was always there when she needed him. He couldn't allow himself to give into the fear that lived inside him for himself. He ran his fingers through her hair, startled and heartbroken at the amount of hair that came away in his hand. He blinked back tears, the happy carefree Charles of just a few hours ago now full of anxiety.

* * *

Beth poked her head through the gap in the door, a bouncing and happy Sam toddling at her feet. "And here's your daddy" the stress across Charles face concerned her "Charlie?" he blinked himself back from his distant place "Look who's here" she lifted Sam gently into his lap "If you're ready to get up I'll help you into the living room" he nodded, carefully covering Molly. With the help of Beth his shuffled himself painfully off the bed, Sam doing very little to settle the uneasiness inside him although he would never show it. "Molly seems tired; did she have a long week?" Beth's concerned face as she watched her brought tears to his eyes "Yeah she's been over doing it, she's not been feeling well" he wanted to scream that it was unfair, she was young and she had everything ahead of her, they had everything to look forward but in that moment he really realised that the future he saw for them wasn't promised. He clung to his crutches to keep himself upright, if he really let himself think about it, he would crumble.


	8. Chapter 8

**As always thanks for the reviews on the previous chapters! Appreciate it 3** **\- S**

* * *

She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing away the farrow between his eyebrows as he slept. Their long weekend together had turned into a weeklong lay in and with each new day that came he didn't seem to be getting much better. If anything he was finding it harder and harder to move about with the injuries that he was neglecting to exercise and take proper care of. The stress across his face was becoming a permanent fixture as he worried and battled with himself over Molly, his precious and delicate Molly.

He smiled at her; waking up to her touch had become his new favourite thing. She leaned forward to kiss him gently; unsure which Charles she'd be getting today but he kissed her back with the same need and urgency that she was feeling. They were battling different demons but each had one thing in common and that was the need for each other, the need to be constantly connected physically which was something new for Molly. Never before had she needed anyone but he was precious to her, her Charlie who she'd come so close to losing.

His body went rigid underneath her, pain kicking in as he attempted to loosen up his muscles after sleeping. She positioned herself so she could help him up, pained by the stifled cries of pain with each movement "Big bastard ain't ya" he laughed, the realisation that she could put humour into just about any situation made him love her a little bit more each day "Sorry small fry" his fingers traced over fresh bruises on her arms "Molly" the sadness in his tone weakened her as she thrust his crutches towards him "It's fine Charlie. It's part of it so you'll get used to seeing them. Let's get you up and moving" he'd given up without even trying "I can't do it yet. Give me a little more time" she settled him back, upright this time into a mound of freshly plumped pillow "Thank god for you eh Rupert or my pillow plumping Medic skills would be going to waste" he met her cheek with a sad smile "Stop it Charlie. You're gonna make yourself even more ill if you keep stressing. I'm okay; I'm not made of China. I'm gonna get you a coffee and your gonna cheer up" he pulled her back towards him, lacing his fingers between his "This isn't fair, it should be me looking after you and I can't fucking move" she brushed a stray curl from his forehead "How about we look after each other?" He nods, planting a sweet kiss on the end of her nose "Right well that's a plan, so I'm gonna get this bloody coffee and you're gonna start your exercises." He closed his eyes, the image of the bruises pooling on her skin burned into his mind. He was used to fighting enemies but this enemy he couldn't see and it terrified him. This was out of his control.

* * *

"He's keeping something from me Elvis and I thought with Molly being here he'd be improving but he isn't. He's withdrawn and he's stressed. He won't talk to anyone about what he's been through or how he's feeling and he won't do his rehab which is causing him more pain. That is not my Charles up there" Molly lingered by the door. She knew exactly what was wrong but how could she tell them that he was this way because of her? Beth would surely hate her.

"I think I know what's on his mind" She parked herself next to Elvis "It's not really easy for me to talk about. But in the spirit of honesty then I should probably tell you both that I've got leukaemia. He only found out recently; well just before he was shot to be precise. I don't know how he did, I still haven't asked, I'm not really sure I wanna know because he went behind my back" Beth sat shocked, her eyes not leaving Molly's "I'm sorry he's taken it so badly" her eyes filled with tears. Elvis climbed to his feet, taking her into his arms "Oh Dawes. Why didn't you tell me" she wiped a lone tear from her cheek "I dunno, I suppose I'm still in denial about it myself. But I really feel like it's the reason why his head isn't focused on his recovery" Beth pulled her into her arms "Molly darling I've only known you a very short while but whatever you need, I'm here for you and for Charles. You both need so much love and just know I'm going to take the very best care of both of you" tears escaped Molly's eyes. This is exactly what she didn't want - fuss and people feeling sorry for her. She'd maintained her independence since day one and she intended to keep it that way. "Thank you but I'm promise I'm alright. Let's just get him better, I need Charles to get better".

* * *

"Alright mug" Elvis always did have the most charming bedside manor. "You better not be hiding from me Charlie, because your mum invited me to stay so looks like I'm third wheeling for the foreseeable" Charles responded with a sad half-hearted smile "Listen mate. Molly just told us, both me and your mum about her being ill. Why didn't you call me man?" Charles shrugged his shoulders "Just trying to process it all I suppose. It's a lot to take in still" Elvis couldn't help but feel sorry for his friend, laid up hardly able to move for pain and now this. He threw himself on the bed next to him, his oldest and closest friend who he loved like a brother was hurting and it was killing him "If you don't feel like you can talk to Molly then you just ring me okay? I don't want you bottling this up. You've been through hell with this shooting and you ain't gonna get any better if you don't take care of yourself" Charles shook his head, pressing his palms into his eyes to suppress the threatening tears "You don't get it Elvis. I don't care about me anymore, she's all that matters to me now, I don't care about a broken leg or a torn up stomach, it's irrelevant" Elvis wanted to shake him, his Charlie didn't give up so easily "Mate what good are you gonna be to her if you ain't getting better? Have you exercised that leg? Have you been talking to the councillor? Don't answer because I already know you haven't. You're gonna put yourself back in hospital and then what good are you to Molly? Or to Sam because you seem to forget that he's just a tiny boy who needs his daddy fit and healthy. I'm going down to get your breakfast from Molly and one of them stinking bloody coffees you like and when I come back your head better be out your arse" He departed with a back slap, feeling guilty for being so harsh but Charles needed a reality check. He was no good to anybody in this state, least of all himself.

* * *

 **Molly**

I dunno what Elvis said to him but now his initial bad mood has worn off he seems to be pulling himself together. He even let me make him a counselling session to talk about the shooting. He's getting less freaked out by my symptoms now (less visibly freaked out anyway - never can tell what's going through that nut of his) but I'm trying my hardest to not to let things show in front of him. He really needs to get better and the constant worry of me ain't gonna help that. Things have shifted between us lately; we're close – really close and not even intimately. I can't help but want to be around him, even when he's being a miserable git. I know it's because he really does love me and he's scared of losing me the same as I was scared of losing him. I still check he's breathing sometimes, the medic in me always scared of complications with his stomach, I can't imagine life without him, it scares me. When I met him I never thought he'd become so important to me, I knew I loved him straight away but I always wondered why someone like him - handsome, well off, a bleedin' officer could have pretty much any woman he wants, so why would he want me? Especially now he knows what I'm facing.

* * *

"How are you darling?" Beth sat down next to her son, his furrowed brow always a cause for concern "Better I think. I think I'm finally starting to accept it" She shook her head "I didn't mean over Molly, I know exactly how you are over her dear. I meant you, how are you?" She took in his face as he winced with every little movement "Here let me help you" she took him by the elbows, taking his weight as he adjusted his body to sit comfortably before she picked up his legs and rested them across her lap, always careful of his injuries. "You know Charles; no one would judge you for spending a little more time on yourself. You are nursing two very serious injuries here, both which have brought their own sets of complications and ignoring them is going to be massively detrimental to you and your health. I can't pretend that I haven't noticed this leg doesn't seem to be getting better. You are a good few weeks post op now and you should be at least starting to bare a little weight. What's going on?" He threw his head back to hide the fact he was crying "Charlie? Please don't shut your ol' mum out. I'm here for you both, I want to pick up the slack for you" she placed her hand gently onto his injured leg "Let's get this sorted okay?" He nodded "There's numbness mum, in my foot. I haven't been able to feel my foot for weeks, I've really fucked up." "Okay, well now that I know, we can deal with it together. Does Molly know?" he shook his head "Not yet, let's see what's what before I worry her, I'm already a burden as it is" Beth considered his words "Is that really how you see yourself? I'm pretty sure she doesn't do anything to lead you to feel that way? You both need to learn to share your troubles, with each other and everyone else. You've always been a fiercely strong and independent man Charles, I appreciate this is difficult but you must get out of this frame of mind, it really doesn't suit you. Now get yourself moving, you've got rehab to do."

* * *

He waited nervously as his eyes searched the restaurant for signs of her arrival. She'd only been back in London for a week but it was a week too long. He climbed to his feet, ever the gent to pull out her chair as she approached him "Sit down numpty" she giggled, giddy with excitement at seeing him, they had 3 whole days of nothing but each other to look forward too. "bet you wish you hadn't bothered now mate" he laughed as he navigated his way back round the table, using the table as his walking aid "It's always worth it for my lady. I wanted to take you out, you deserve a treat" he picked up her hand, taking in the smell of her skin "God I've missed you, we definitely need to get me back to the flat with Elvis. I can't go that long without you" she was hungry for him; she agreed it had definitely been way too long "Why don't you stay with me? Well that's if your mum will let you out of her sight mummy's boy" she spat her tongue out at him, counting down the minutes until they could get out of here, until she had him to herself "She can't help it, she loves me" he chuckled, fully aware of Molly's discomfort at his mother's need to mollycoddle them both "Let's skip to dessert Charlie boy, I want you to myself" he shook his head "No chance Dawes, no chance".

Despite the discomfort of the food coma he had inflicted on her, insistent that he was going to feed her up, they wrapped themselves in each other, the comfort of his bed welcome to both of them. There was an ease between them that hadn't been there before, whether it was his acceptance of her changing body as she lost weight or the bruises that appeared or the fact that she had finally wholeheartedly given into her feelings for him, neither of them was sure but it was comfortable and it felt right. She trusted him with her body, nuzzling into him as close as she could get as his arms held her as tight as he possibly could despite the pain is caused in his torso "Molly, I love you more than anything do you know that?" she lifted her head to look into his eyes "Ditto. I didn't realise how much until I nearly lost you, I'm sorry I was such a cow before you went. I was scared to let you love me, scared that _it_ would scare you away" he wiped away a single tear "That is absolutely never going to happen my love, we're in this together. All of it, both your health and mine – we can do this as long as we're together" she parted his lips with her tongue, her tiny hands cupping his face "Together forever it is then."

* * *

 **Ah she's finally let him in :)**


	9. Chapter 9

This trip from Bath to London, well what an adventure. I'm navigating bleedin' trains, pre booked ones may I add because he's a control freak like that with a suitcase on wheels, a bloke who can barely keep himself upright and needs to sit every 30 seconds and a headache from hell. All so he can poke his nose in at my appointment which I do appreciate but this is hard bloody work. The tuts from furious, unsympathetic and impatient Londoners have him flustered as he tries his hardest to hobble as fast as he can along the platform "Take your time, let them bloody wait" he stops to take a breather and I can't help but feel guilty, he's tired and he's in pain and the day has only just begun. "I think you should rest at mine, you're really pale" he shakes his head, too puffed out and in pain to speak right away "I want to go with you Molly, just let me" can't fault his dedication I s'pose.

The nurse takes pity on him as we go through all the pre-chemo procedures. His face looking slightly more freaked out the further along we get. His hand constantly searches for mine, same as his concerned eyes. "You should take a slow stroll to the canteen and eat. Keep your strength up" he nods, probably relieved for the get out. Bella, my little sister has never let me sit through a chemo session alone, she knows my calendar better than I do "Well well well who do we have here then?" She eyes him from head to toe as she makes her entrance "fucking tasty" she mouths, much to the amusement of my poor nurse, she'll probably end up wishing she'd got someone else today.

"Bells, will you take Charles to the canteen for some lunch. This is my boyfriend by the way" we both smirk at each other like idiots, I like the way it sounds - my boyfriend "course, I can start the interrogation" my darlin' Bella helps him to his feet "I'm Bella but you already know that. Nice to meet you" he kisses the top of my head, a long lingering kiss as if he's afraid I won't be here when he gets back "Go will ya. And take it easy."

* * *

He's comforted by the fact that Bella talks for England, it helps to keep his mind from counting down the minutes until he can be back by Molly's side. "So what happened to you then?" He noticed that Bella had the exact same sea green eyes as Molly "I was in Afghan and my mind wasn't on the job. To be honest finding out about Molly knocked me for six and I went on patrol in a bit of a state and let's just say I paid the price for it" she placed a comforting hand on his arm "She'll be alright you know, she's made of tough stuff and she'll get through this. Although make sure we bring her back plenty of water or we'll be on her shit list. She needs to drink loads over the next few days" he nodded "Anything else I need to know? She's not exactly forthcoming when it comes to all this. I'm just trying to learn as we go along" Bella rolled her eyes "don't take it personal, she's been like it since the beginning. I'm staying over tonight because I always do after her treatment and you look like you need just as much looking after, no offence. But like you said, you just learn as you go. She's still learning too"

He tried not to give into the slight hurt he felt at Bella's lack of faith in his ability to look after her but in his heart he knew she was right "Will she be really ill?" Bella nodded "She'll be sick but that's the norm, I always try to keep the place spotless so there's no chance of infection. Bleach is my best mate these days! She sometimes gets a lot of muscle pain, mostly in her stomach but not every time. It depends really, it's hard to predict. Like I said, I'll stay for a few days at least to lend a hand" his head was swirling with worry. Worry for her, worry that he wasn't up to the job of looking after her.

* * *

My chest tightens at the sight of her asleep in the chair, hooked up to drips and a completely different colour to when I left her, but still as beautiful as ever. It's times like this that I truly realise how small she is. The nurse from earlier pulls up the most comfortable chair she can find for me, I suppose I really do look like shit. This all seems like nothing to her, she's brave and resilient and everything I knew she would be. The army was privileged to have her. I take her cold hand in mine, anxious for what the next few days will bring. I understand now why she moans and nags about me not looking after myself. It's difficult to see the one you love weak and vulnerable although I'd never call her either of those things to her face unless I wanted black eyes to add to my list of ailments.

She stirs; her eyes search me for signs of emotion. I know she's worried about me even though it's her who is on the receiving end of these horrific drugs but that's her all over, Completely selfless. "Alright fitty?" I can't help but chuckle "I'm fine love. How are you doing?" I want to scoop her up and run away to a place where nothing could ever hurt her again, a place that doesn't exists. "I'm okay; stop looking like someone shot your dog. Sit back and rest, rest your leg up on me"

I do as I'm told because; well it's easier than defying the force of nature that is Molly Dawes.

* * *

"I want you to take that letter of resignation James and pardon my French but you can stick it where the sun doesn't shine" Charles had been nervous about this meeting all week, he knew Beck wouldn't take him leaving lying down but this was a whole different ball game. "Sir with all due respect, my foot is partially paralysed since my injuries. I don't see where I fit in if things don't improve" Beck shook his head "We have some of the best, if not the best rehabilitation centres in the world. All of which you've refused treatment with. I'm full aware of the current state of you injuries James, I make it my business to know these things and I also know that you haven't put in the time or the hard work. So what else is going on? It's is Sam? Rebecca?" He sighed, not wanting to out Molly to yet another person who didn't need to know of her plight "No Sir they are both well. As you know Rebecca and I are divorced. I'm in a relationship with a fellow soldier, Molly Dawes. I'm not sure if you know her?" His eyes lowered suggesting he knew exactly who he was referring too "Ah yes, of course I know Dawes. Wonderful soldier, how is she?" He tried to sniff back all the emotion that threatened "She's not too good at the moment Sir, thanks for asking. So that's why I ask you to reconsider my resignation. I need to be present for her whilst she's battling this" his mind wandered back to the girl he'd left so frail looking in a hospital bed, sick from weeks of chemo and now infection. He hadn't realised how easily she could pick up something that would metaphorically cripple her "James, you both have my deepest sympathy but no, I still will not accept your resignation. I'll give you until you've fully recovered to think about it, only then will I entertain the idea. And for Christ sake get yourself to Headley, that's an order"

He hobbled out of the barracks, tail between his legs "How'd it go cripple?" Elvis always knew how to rub salt in the wounds "As we both expected, he more or less told me to piss right off" "Well I could of told you that would happen. But he's right; you can't throw away all these years of hard work, and what's Molly said? Have you even asked her?" His silence was deafening "Mate you need to speak to her, she might not want you kicking around under her feet all the time. She's a squaddie, she knows what's she's getting with you." He would not, under any circumstances worry Molly with anything to do with work. She was sick and it was his job to protect her from any outside influences that would cause her unnecessary stress.

* * *

His phone hasn't stopped ringing, the pressure of being ever present for Molly whilst neglecting the other parts of his life proving too much as he struggled to get back on his feet.

"Sorry Rebecca, I know I'm late - you can bollock me all you want" she pushed a cup of coffee towards him "When was the last time you ate something? You look like shit" he sat with his head in his hands, the moment of calmness exactly what he needed "I can't even remember. I've come from Molly, been to the barracks, now here to see you two and then back to Molly" she took in his tired features as he pulled Sam into a hug "Well you know I think you're over doing it. I think you should rest here and head away fresh in the morning. I know Sam would love it too, he hasn't seen nearly enough of you Charles and it's not fair to him" he sighed because he knew she was right. He felt like a shitty dad right now, but he really was stretched to his limit "I need to see Molly" she tutted loudly "Listen, She sounds like she could do with the rest. And I'm not taking no for an answer you are going to sit in the front room with your feet up and spend some time resting with your son"

It wasn't until he realised that Sam was saying a whole load of new words that it dawned on him just how absent he'd been recently "You know daddy loves you don't you Scamp?" He bounced the excited toddler on his good leg "And I'm sorry I'm being such a terrible daddy but I promise I'll make it up to you. When daddy is back on his feet, we'll have lots of special days together" Rebecca's heart melted at the sight of them, a moment of sadness passing over her as remembered how good it had been in those early days. The days before they tied themselves into a marriage neither of them really wanted for a son they both loved more than anything after much pressure from her parents. He'd become like a best friend to her, and despite the fact that he wasn't always around she knew he tried his best, and that was good enough for her.

"Eat this while it's hot, a warm meal is a luxury when you're a parent" Sam settled between them as he ate. Charles hadn't realised just how hungry he'd been until the waves of dizziness started. He was long overdue his painkillers now - Molly always told him off for taking them on an empty stomach.

He woke with a start in the middle of the night, the sofa he'd been sharing with Sam now home to pillows and blankets. "Shit" he muttered to the 4 missed calls from Molly. It was gone 2am, far too late to text her now. He hobbled to the kitchen, his leg throbbing and the familiar pull of his torso nagging him, where the fuck where those painkillers. Just a few more hours and he'd be back with her, back where he'd left his heart and where his pain would ease. The mental torture his head inflicted on him would be silenced for a little while.

* * *

He kissed every inch of her face until his favourite eyes stared back at him. "There she is, good morning sleepyhead" she shuffled herself nearer to him, letting his long arms envelope her body "I missed you. Was worried" he kissed the ticklish spot behind her ear "I know, I'm a shit and I'm so sorry. I was knackered and this bloody leg just gave up on me. Feel right to sleep on mum's sofa and didn't move all night" he shocked himself with a lie, not even sure where it came from, but how do you take back a lie? "As long as you're okay and you've rested. You don't look too clever" he stroked his thumb across the back of her bruised and swollen hand, the casualty of the cannula delivering her what she needs to feel better "Enough about me Dawes. More importantly, how are you? When do I get to take you home?" She shrugged her shoulder "I dunno, I'm too tired to move I know that much" she cupped his face in her hand "I'm so glad I've got you. You really keep me going" guilt sank further into the pit of his stomach "Ditto beautiful"

How did he tell her that he had to leave for Headley? That there wasn't much choice if he wanted to keep his sick pay. He'd promised her that he would be by her side and now he had to leave.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm still not 100% happy with how i'm writing this so please keep the reviews coming (That's not me fishing for compliments btw! lol) I've got some kind of writer's block going on despite the fact that I had a clear plotline from start to finish in my mind. So please do keep the reviews coming - they help to keep a story going! As always, thanks for the love on the previous chapters - S x**

* * *

As much as he hated to admit it, Headley had taken its toll on Charles. He's was depressed and withdrawn; the reality of a diagnosis for his foot had sent him into a downward spiral. Drop foot they called it, the front part of his foot was currently completely useless to him. The brace he'd been issued would help things a little, but they couldn't tell him if or when he'd recover. He had nerve damage from the bullet to thank for this.

It had been weeks since he'd seen her, she's was back on her feet, fighting fit she said and eager to see him. He'd fobbed and fobbed and made excuse after excuse not to see her. He missed her so much it hurt, but the reality of his injuries were now too much to cope with.

* * *

He didn't clock the familiar main of dark hair sitting in the corner as he hobbled back into his room, Rebecca and Sam by his side. "Molly" Rebecca was as shocked to Molly as Molly was to see Rebecca "Alright Rebecca. You all look cosy" Rebecca shifted uncomfortably on the spot "Charles I'll see you in a few days, work hard and rest, I promise everything will be okay" they shared a hug, a hug that lingered way too long as far as Molly was concerned. He held out his arms for her "I'm surprised you want a cuddle if I'm honest Charles. I feel like you've been tryna' give me the boot" guilt filled him as he watched her bottom lip tremble "Oh god Molly, no! Please come here" she gave into him, allowing him to hold her tightly like she'd yearned for in the last few weeks "What's going on Charlie? And don't tell me it's nothing because I know that's bullshit" he sighed, fiddling with the brace encasing his calf and foot as if to tell her without actually telling her "I'm sorry Molly. I've just been tired and a bit down. I have missed you more than anything and I wanted you to rest. You look much better for it" she placed her hand on his face despite the fact she wanted to smack it "I'm doing okay, I told you to stop worrying and concentrate on getting better"

In the cold light of day the reality of what he was doing was pitiful, she was here in front of him and she was beautiful and they loved each other, more than anything they loved each other. But he couldn't talk to her, he'd shut himself down, Captain 'Don't get emotionally fucking involved' was back. "Charles?" She was desperate now, the distance between painfully obvious. "This is new" her fingers brushed over the brace, the cause of his pain "When can we expect you to be walking?" He shrugged his shoulders, now was the time to tell her that he'd never be the same again.

"I don't know Molly. Working on it aren't I" She nodded her head, defeated. "Should I go? You look tired" her question hung in the air. He knew if he let her go like this then he'd probably be letting her go forever. But how could he tell her that he no longer worked properly, he'd limp beside her rather than walk tall like the soldier he was and was never likely to be again. "I'll call you tomorrow?" She swallowed hard knowingly "Yeah okay. So you don't want me to come back then? I miss you" he pulled on the curls at the back of his neck, conflicted.

"I love you" her last ditch attempt to get through to him pulled on his heart; she pulled his face towards her "Did you hear me? I said I love you" he pulled her hand into his, tracing over the old bruises and needles marks before dropping a single kiss onto them "I love you too. More than anything Molly, never forget that please" her hand lingered in his, her head telling her this was the end, he couldn't do this anymore but her heart was telling her this wasn't right, he needed her - this wasn't her Charlie.

"Don't forget to call me yeah?" He nodded "Tomorrow" there was promise in his voice "Tomorrow it is then" she turned away; she didn't want him to see her cry for him - for them.

* * *

"You could stand a bloody spoon in that tea Dawsey" Elvis shuffled into the booth opposite Molly "Well needed today gobshite I'm telling ya" Elvis had come to her rescue after a frantic phone call from the car park of Headley. He knew what a bad place Charles was in, but he never expected it to extend to his relationship with Molly. "I'm sorry to drag you away from Georgie. How is she?" His face lit up at her name "She's good Dawes. In fact I proposed last night, and lucky for me she said yes" Molly eyes filled with tears "Oh my god, I'm so happy for you" she moved fluidly around the table, her arms pulling his head into a headlock come hug "Congratulations" happiness radiated from him, Happiness she used to see in Charles. "He'll get there Dawes. He's depressed and he's not a good patient. This drop foot thing, I know he'll get through it if he works hard" she raised her eyebrows in typical Charles fashion "He hasn't told me, I mean I saw the brace and I knew something was up but he didn't share. He's completely shut me out, seems to need Rebecca more and I don't want to push it and he backs off from her too - he needs someone to talk to even if it's not me but I'm scared I've lost him. Feels like I have already" he reached for her hand "You ain't lost him Molly. He's just lost himself right now; you know what it's like when you've mapped out this career in your head and he's half way there and now this. He's taking it hard, but he's not seeing the bigger picture, not listening to the experts. He's written himself off and I suppose he thinks you won't want him if it is permanent" she responded with a sarcastic laugh "We're so alike really. I know how he feels; I just wish he knew me a bit better than that. I'm gonna give him the space he needs, but please tell him that I'm not going anywhere. I love him and I'm never going anywhere" Elvis nodded "He knows Dawes, Trust me he knows".

* * *

 **Charles**

To say that Rebecca has been my rock throughout this is an understatement. She's visited most days with Sam, my little ray of sunshine. I'm worried about Molly though, she's backed off, given me space that I thought I needed but things just don't feel right without her around. Elvis said she is sick again, she's losing more weight and it breaks my heart that she hasn't reached out for me, to let me know she needs me but it's my own doing, I did this to us. It's been weeks since I've seen her. It felt like the right thing at the time, to shut myself off and pretend this wasn't happening but it is and I have to man up and face it like the soldier I am. I have to get us back on track, the fact that we haven't official split up is comforting. I know we can get through this.

The big man himself has done the unthinkable and for himself engaged. The charming Georgie Lane reminds me a lot of Molly, she's bolshie and confident, exactly what Elvis needs, someone who can bust his nuts when he put a toe out of line.

* * *

 **Molly**

I've searched every bleedin' shop in Stratford for the perfect dress. I'm not usually the dress type but I've haven't seen Charles in a while and well, I need to wow him. I wanna see his jaw hit the floor when I walk in to that engagement party. I've lost a lot of hair, but what bloke notices hair anyway? Jade is gonna tart me up, make me look pretty. I don't even know if he knows I'm coming, I presume he does, I mean why wouldn't I go? Elvis is my friend now too. And I've spent a bit of time with Georgie, she's gorgeous and everything I'm not. The weirdest thing that goes through my head when I see her is how much I miss my full head of hair that I used to moan about every time I washed it. But her glossy, bouncy big hair makes me ache for mine. Stupid I know.

Bella is angry with him, I've never seen her so bitter and spiteful actually. And I get her point, I have needed him but he's needed me too and he just doesn't know how to ask for it. That's the soldier in him, we all deal with things in our own way and this is his.

A clingy black peplum dress skims over my hips as I wobble in a pair of Bel's heels that I'm never gonna be able to walk in but she insists they make my short legs look 'killer' which is what I'm going for. I'm gonna knock him dead. I'm gonna get my Charlie back.

* * *

She spotted him right away, tall, dark and handsome as ever. His hair is much shorter and tidier than when she last saw him, that has to be a good sign. The muscles across his back visible through his tight shirt making her mouth water for him. She needed to be wrapped around him.

"Now stop being a twat Charles and find your girlfriend. She's not going to care about a flappy foot, your face more than makes up for it believe me" Rebecca spat her tongue out at him, she was tired of watching him torture himself "Elvis doesn't know if she's definitely coming, What with her not being well. I should have been there Bec, I should have been looking after her" his eyes lowered into his drink "She'll understand when you explain how you've been feeling. Just talk to her Charles" he placed a hand on her shoulder to steady himself, his crutch propping up the bar rather than his body.

They looked cosy as ever. It was starting to become a regular thing when she saw him these days. Charles and Rebecca, always together, while she stood alone. She held onto the doorway, her legs weakening beneath her.

"Go get her James" It hurt Rebecca to send him in the direction of another woman, but who was she to stop him being happy? He was important to her and she couldn't find it in herself to ruin that for him. They'd grown so close since he'd been injured, she enjoyed him needing her but she didn't dare admit that she was falling in love with him all over again.

"Woah Dawsey, you're alright. I've got you" Elvis caught her in his arms as she wobbled "Let's get you sat down. Do we need to get you to hospital? Have you seen Charlie?" She shook her head, trying not to give into the dizzy spell. They came more often these days "Just leave him, he's with his wife. I'm alright" Elvis shook his head "No Molly; you're not alright at all. I'm sending for Charlie"

He dropped the drink he'd been nursing "Molly" he wanted to run but he couldn't, the frustration causing him to grit his teeth as he moved as fast as he could. He dropped to his knees in front of her, ignoring the searing pain shooting through him "Molly, can you hear me?" Vacant eyes stared back at him "Molly please, talk to me. Stay with me"

* * *

"She's going to need a bone marrow transplant, we found out a few weeks ago. She's stopped responding to other treatments, but you'd know that if you hadn't treated her like shit. Now I've filled you in, you can piss off back to wherever it was you were hiding when you was ignoring her and breaking her heart" Bella always did know how to cut someone to the bone. "It wasn't like that. I was going through something and I thought it was for the best that Molly wasn't a part of that. I was sparing her, I know it was wrong. But I thought it was the right thing to do" she rolled her eyes "Excuse me if my threshold for bullshit is at an all-time low but I need to get back to my sister" he caught her arm as she tried to leave "Please Bella, please let me see her. Does she know I'm here?" Bella shook her head "So she doesn't remember passing out? Or me being there?" He climbed to his feet, vulnerable from the lack of his crutch which he'd left behind in the chaos. He grabbed the wall for support, his pain softening Bella for a moment "Where are your crutches? She'll kill you if you hurt yourself" there was hope after all "Please let me see her then I'll go, I can walk for a short while without it" she nodded "You need to be gone before my parents get here. She wouldn't want you meet them this way"

His beautiful Molly, so vibrant and cheeky, the girl who gave him as good as she got, the one he'd pushed away through his own sadness, the one who held them together was frail and he couldn't help but worry that this would be a turning point in her illness. Was this the beginning of what he feared the most? Was this the beginning of him losing her forever?

She greeted him with the same raised eyebrows he'd probably use if the situation was reversed "Wasn't expecting to see you here" he moved towards her, gripping the wall and the bedside cupboard for support "Sit down idiot" he let out a small laugh, always cheeky "I was there after you fainted. Do you remember?" She shook her head "No I don't remember any of it. Georgie and Elvis must be well pissed off with me" he took her hand in his "They are concerned yes, pissed off most definitely not" Her eyes were so full of emotion but he wasn't sure whether it was hurt, anger or love. She ran her fingers through his curls "So you and Rebecca? That's why you don't want me?" His heart broke into a million pieces "Oh Molly no. I admit I've been spending a lot of time with her, mainly to be around Sam. I haven't been myself, I've been so depressed with my leg but this is my wake up call. I'm so sorry" she held him as close as she could get him "Numpty" he leaned into her touch "Can you forgive me?" Those eyes she thought, those puppy dog eyes – she'd forgive them anything "I'll think about it" she spat out her tongue "Now piss off back to the party. And take care of that foot" he climbed to his feet "I love you Molly Dawes, I wish I could show you just how much" she gave a shy childlike giggle "I love you too. Now sod off".


	11. Chapter 11

**Charles**

I've never really been massively into the idea of god and religion. I much preferred to think that Lady Luck was on my side, that everything in life happens by luck, fluke or chance. Molly most definitely was luck for me, I was meant to go there and meet her and it's pure luck that I managed to get her to fall in love with me. Lately I'm not so sure I believe that theory anymore either. She's not with us at the moment, Lady Luck that is. I feel a little abandoned. The wait for a bone marrow transplant continues, and with each passing day she seems to be getting a little sicker. Although this is Molly Dawes we are talking about, she's still a force to be reckoned with. She has this admirable ability to just roll with the punches that life throws at her, and at me. Nothing is a problem - she just gets on with it, with an unfailing faith that things will be okay in the end. She's also become fiercely jealous of Rebecca, something which is my own fault, I know that. But no matter what I do to reassure her, everything comes back to those weeks that I shut her out. Between us we're trying our hardest to spend as much time as we can together, she's unable to travel very far most of the time and I'm still in and out of Headley with the bastard foot that has taken leave of absence. The damaged caused by the bullets have left behind such severe nerve damage in my leg that even with the specially made brace I'm struggling. Something which causes me great insecurity, because well why would she want me now?

* * *

Molly smirks at him from the seat opposite, amused at his pure reluctance to take the seat that was offered to him on their long train journey. Today was the day he'd finally be meeting the rest of the Dawes clan. He was nervous, really bloody nervous. The walk from the tube did nothing to improve his mood either. The longer he was on his feet, the more he limped and the more he limped the more self-conscious he felt. Molly giggled at his temper as he tried to navigate the flights of stairs up to her modest childhood home, modest by his standards anyway. He was leaning so heavily into his crutch now it was almost painful to watch him "Well done" she smirked, placing her hand onto the small of his back as he chuckled at her encouragement "Do I get reward?" His eyes darkened "You'll be lucky mate; there won't be a minutes peace in here. If you play your cards right on the journey back then I might reward you in sexual favours once we're back at yours" she strode ahead with a cheeky wink leaving him biting his bottom lip. It was just like Molly Dawes to leave him excited at the most inappropriate time. "Come on hop along".

Dave Dawes reputation definitely didn't do him justice. He was every bit as crass and vulgar as Molly had described and more. From greeting Charles in his pants to handing him his still smouldering cigarette butt to dump in the plant pot when Charles had offered him his hand to shake but none of that mattered today, He was here with a purpose and that purpose was to find out why he was the only member of the Dawes family not have been tested for a match for Molly. As a father himself, he couldn't fathom not doing all he could to save his child's life and time most definitely wasn't on their side.

"So then Chaz. You on the sick or what with that leg?" Dave eyed him eagerly "Erm not exactly no. I'm mean I get army sick pay of course but that will cease once I'm better" Dave rolled his eyes "You've hit the jackpot there mate and you don't even know it" Charles shifted uncomfortably, praying Molly would save him from this torture "Here Chaz, fancy a swift one down the pub? Your round as your trying to woo me daughter" he swallowed hard "Leave it out Dad, he needs to rest and I ain't having him paying to pickle your guts all day" Charles flashed her a grateful smile "My nans here, come through to the kitchen. She's bought you some coffee" she pulled him to his feet "Easy soldier, no need to rush" he wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then, he'd been so wrong to shut her out. She cared for him like no one else, with a patience and kindness that didn't seem to exist in others. Not even Rebecca.

"Oh my Christ Molls, you weren't lyin' when you said he was handsome" Charles felt the heat rise in his cheeks as nan threw her arms around him "You're a bloody beauty fella, only the best for my Molly eh?" He chuckled "I'd like to think so, she definitely deserves the best of everything" Nan couldn't believe her eyes. Tall, handsome, posh by the sounds of it so probably not short of a few bob and by the smile that lit up Molly's face, he was making her happy. "Here ya are mate, sit down the weight off and I'll make us a coffee. I do like a coffee meself, none of this tea malarkey. Wait til our Belinda claps eyes on you, as you can see by him in there we ain't used to such lookers round here"

Molly settled herself into the sofa, confident that Charles was in the very capable and loving hands of her Nan. "You ain't lookin' too clever girl" she opened her eyes; he didn't mean to be such a shit dad. He just didn't know how to be a good one "I don't feel it either to be honest Dad" he swallowed hard "No luck with a match?" She shook her head, closing her eyes to surprise the tears that were threatening "Nah. Not looking good" he gulped back the rest of his beer, the weight of what she just told him heavy in his chest "what about that fella of yours?" She smiled to herself "He's gonna get tested but let's face it, the chances of him matching are slim to none. I only agreed to make him feel better; he needs to feel like he's doing something. And if he can't help me then he wants to help someone else. He's a good bloke, I really love him."

The Dave Dawes she knew would never get stuck with a needle unless it kept him signed on the sick. The fact he'd declined Belinda's pleading had really sat badly with them all, especially Bella. How could he really be that selfish?

* * *

It was safe to say the Nan and Belinda were putty in his hands. He'd charmed, complimented and best of all - told them of his love for Molly. He rested his aching body next to a sleeping Molly, stroking her face. She was paler than she had been this morning; the dark circles under her eyes a deeper shade of blue. The train journey were taking it out of her these days.

"So your gonna brave this test then?" Dave who'd been asleep 30 seconds ago startled him from his worries "Yes I am. I've got to do something, I hate feeling so useless and she can't fight this alone. So I would do anything if it meant she had a chance"

Dave pondered his words "I like you Chaz" Charles laughed "I like you too thanks Dave. I'd like you even more if you got the test done too" his mouth swung open "You Cheeky bugger" he wanted to tell this stuck up tosser to mind his own business but words failed him "Please Dave. Please do this for her, I can't lose her and neither can those two ladies in there. Think about what you're doing."

He planted a kiss on Molly's forehead "Hey you. Sorry I've left you to fend for yourself" he took her hand into his, planting kisses onto each tiny knuckle "It's been absolutely fine beautiful. You sleep when you need too" she wrapped her arms around his rigid torso, rigid from the discomfort of a long day. He settled himself back, wrapping his arms around her frail body "I love you" he whispered as her eyes flickered shut. His chest swelled as Dave's eyes lingered over them. "I'll do it Chaz. I'll get tested".

* * *

The magnitude of just how many people wanted to help was overwhelming. Thanks to Charles, even if Molly herself didn't benefit from their loved ones joining the donor register then at least someone else would. Another family would be spared the agony of the waiting game. From Elvis and Georgie to Charles' parents and extended family, so many had shown their support by getting tested. Charles prayed Lady Luck would be with them once again.

His ever present safety net that was Rebecca was never too far away. "She's like a bad bleedin' smell you can't get rid of" Bella sniggered "Just say the word Moll and I'll have her rolled into one of nans cheap rugs and lobbed off a bridge over the M25 before ya know it. Anyway, Thought she was his ex-wife, why she still sniffin' about?" Molly rolled her eyes "They've got a kid together so can't exactly tell her to do one can I?" Bella rolled her eyes "There are things called boundaries Molly, tell miss posh knob to respect them or I'll tell her about herself and all" Molly laughed but her anxiety over Rebecca was constant. He needed her and Molly hated it.

* * *

"Thanks for picking me up Bec. Really appreciate it" he'd certainly been through the ringer this week. With his endless physio and counselling and the stress of Molly, she just wanted to take him home and spoil him "Anytime Charles, you know that! How's your leg coming along?" He sniffed "it's not, but they say not to give up hope so I'm trying. I can't really put my all in to it. My mind constantly drifts to Molly and finding a donor" inwardly she rolled her eyes "I get that Charles but you have to look after yourself too. Our little boy needs his daddy to be well again" she placed her hand on top of his; she certainly did push the boundaries recently. He pulled his hand away, fumbling through his bag his heart flipped at his precious photo of Molly. She'd be so hurt by this he thought.

"We need to put some distance between us Rebecca. I appreciate everything you've done for me but I can't let it upset Molly any more than it has already" she didn't have to question him to know he meant it "She can only be upset if I'm a genuine threat. Am I?" His mouth formed an O as his tongue made its usual journey around it as he searched for the correct words "Rebecca you are the mother of my child, for that I will always love and respect you. And like I said I'm incredibly grateful that you've been so good to me with this injury but it's only ever been Molly. Since the day I met her, it was her - she is it for me. It just took me a little longer than it should have to see it clearly" she was silent as his words sank in "Of course. And that's okay; I want you to be happy. But know that I will never, not be here for you, you need someone too. So let's get your back to your mothers so you can rest" she swallowed back tears as she drove, grateful for his lack of interest as he texted on his phone. These feelings were probably only temporary anyway, it was difficult to see the father of her child injured and struggling. She'd move on, she knew that much. But she prayed it would be sooner rather than later.

* * *

"He'll be back any minute Molly love. Can I get you anything? If you'd have called me I could have picked you up from the station" Molly gratefully accepted the cold water and the seat she found waiting for her in the kitchen, gulping back the painkillers she needed more often these days "I thought you were with him at rehab. Has the big diva finally got himself a bus pass?" Beth laughed "That will never happen dear, he's far too self-conscious that people are staring at him or his brace. Speaking of which, do you think he's improving?" Molly shook her head "Nah not that I've noticed. Where do we go from here then?" Beth noted the sadness in Molly's face "We'll get him back to Headley and see what they say. But you miss; you are not to worry about a thing. You leave that silly boy of mine to me and concentrate on getting yourself well" Molly couldn't help but love Beth a little. She was kind and giving and brutally honest. She'd taken her in when most people were writing her off, including her own dad. He still hasn't been for his test.

Molly rushed excitedly to the front door when she heard the key turn, days felt like weeks when they were apart. She came face to chest with Rebecca who had a protective hand on his back as he hobbled next to her "Molly!" He dropped his crutches, stumbling forward to take her into his arms "I've missed you" he felt her body go rigid in his arms as she eyed Rebecca "Rebecca gave me a lift, she's going to collect Sam now. I've come home to rest – this is a lovely surprise" his eyes searched hers for signs of what emotions to expect, this wasn't going to be good.

Rebecca took her hint to leave "See you Beth" she shouted through. Tea towel laden Beth appeared in the doorway "Oh hello Rebecca. I'll collect Sammy in the morning as arranged" Rebecca was busy watching the exchange between Charles and Molly "That will be great thank you, The physio has said he's to rest more, so back on two crutches to see if we can settle some of the nerve damage" The tension was uncomfortable "Lovely thanks Rebecca, Molly can take it from here. I'll see you tomorrow"

He tried to follow her up the stairs as quick as he could, another row over Rebecca was defiantly on the cards. Despite her upset she helped him into bed, the tears she was struggling to contain now spilling thick and fast from her eyes "Molly come here, please don't cry. It's just a lift, you know we're nothing more than friends and Sam's parents" she looked tired and defeated "Is it because you want more kids? I know it's not likely you'll get any from me but I don't stand by and watch you do it with her. If it's her you want then tell me and I'll go, don't stay with me because you pity the cancer patient" He wanted to shake her, to make her realise that it all meant nothing but his actions were feeding her insecurities and for that he was sorry.

"The doctors told you that some woman regain full fertility once they've finished treatment. You have age on your side don't forget, and the fact that you froze your eggs, that was a good move too. And even if you couldn't have my children, I still only want to be with you, you are enough" he pulled her into his lap and wanted to desperately to kiss away every insecurity and doubt she had "You are my life now Molly, no one and nothing will come between us. And as for Rebecca, I will never speak to her about anything other than Sam again if that's what it takes to make you happy. I love you" she nuzzled into his neck. He was always good with words, comforting and loving and that handsome face easily won her over "I'm sorry, I'm being a prat. I'm tired after the journey" he settled her into his body "Yes I expect you are. In future you are to call ahead and we'll arrange something else, even if I have to pay for a bloody cab to get you here. You know mum would always pick you up too, she loves you" he looked down at her sparse eyelashes resting on her cheeks. His little fighter, this battle wasn't over yet but he would stop at nothing to make sure she beat this, even if he didn't always show it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you** **to all of you lovelies who always review without fail - S x**

* * *

The joint birthdays of Charles and Sam brought a flurry of excitement for Beth. She was still relishing in nanny duties and a second birthday was the ideal time to show Sammy just how much she loved him. The warm weather had bought along plans for a kids tea party followed by a BBQ for Charles; it wasn't very often that he was around to celebrate with his mum. He was spending increased time at home these days, his foot hindering him and Molly's illness hindering her as they battled to see each other.

The thought of the Dawes mixing with Rebecca and her snobby mates filled Molly with dread. It was inevitable she'd be there, and she expected no less than for her to turn her nose up. Things had soured between them lately, since Charles had stayed true to his word and spent no time with her apart from handing Sam back and forth. Rebecca had taken it as a real kick in the teeth. "Can't wait to have a little fun with lady muck" Molly giggled at she cuddled into her sister. The noise of the kids in the minibus was grating on her "Can play nice for my sake? she's still the mother of his child after all" Bella rolled her eyes "yeah and your his girlfriend so if I see her so much as stand on even just a little bit of your toes, she's gonna regret it" Bella was met with a high five from Jade "Yeah I dunno 'bout you Mol but the only door mat in this family is sitting in the front" she whispered. Molly couldn't help but feel sorry for Belinda, once again copping all the flack for Dave's failings as a father "That ain't nice Jady, that's our mum you're talking about" Jade picked at the suddenly very interesting rip in her jeans "Yeah well your my sister and I'd rather keep you than have him and she's the only one who can do anything about it but doesn't have the spine too" Nan's swift flick to the ear ended Jade's speech "That's enough from you, I don't wanna 'ear that sort of thing again. About your mum or Molly - My Mols is gonna be just fine" unfortunately Nan was one of the ones who were currently in denial. What was it going to take for them to realise that time was running out?

"Was well nice of your Charlie to hire this for us Mol" Belinda called from the front "Ain't for us though mum. It's for Molly, we're just excess baggage" Molly's eye roll was becoming a thing today "Right I want you all the shut up now, I'm sick of listening to you" she closed her eyes as the nausea took hold. What a great way to feel when you had lady muck to face.

* * *

"Happy birthday handsome" he picked her up, her legs and arms wrapping tightly around him "Thank you beautiful. It's happy now that you're here" she kissed him deeply "Right put me down, this ain't good for your leg" he had to agree; even the slight weight of Molly was adding pressure to his aching leg "I've got a present for Sammy. You as well obviously but him first" he shook his head "You are mine for the next 10 minutes. I need to kiss my lady"

Rebecca observed them from the garden as the Dawes made themselves comfortable, Beth was so delighted to welcome them - and it was putting Rebecca's nose well and truly out of joint, always a bonus.

They settled themselves onto the garden swing as the kids played and party went on around them "I really missed you" she sighed as he swung his legs over hers "Let me massage your foot, I read that massage improves blood flow and that might help you get the feeling back" he'd try anything to keep her happy, positioning himself so she could carry out her massage "Could have washed them first mate" she smirked "Let me know how much you can feel"

"Oh to be Lord and Lady Muck of the manor whilst us minions clear up after the kids" Rebecca's friend Kate had always had an acid tongue and never much liked Charles to begin with, this was prime ammunition for her "He can hardly do much, look at him" Kate rolled her eyes "Well my Ben broke his leg a few years ago and he carried on like it was nothing, went to work and everything. And as for her, she's got her feet under the table rather quickly hasn't she? Who does she think she is sitting there like that with your husband whilst you do all the work? Honestly Rebecca I'd say something if I were you"

Rebecca knew from the start that this whole day was a bad idea, she shouldn't be here mixing her world with his, it was never going to work "It's hardly a straight forward broken leg Kate. His foot is paralysed and it's none of your business anyway. And as for Molly..."

"As for Molly what?" Bella, like a bull to a red rag appeared beside them at the mention of her sister "Go on, don't stop on my account" Kate butted in before Rebecca had even finished registering who Bella could be "I was just saying she should be helping with all of this, not sitting there lording it up with Prince Charming whilst us guest do all the work" the anger that bubbled inside of Bella was dangerous "Well let me tell you somethin' for nothing snotty knickers. My sister, the one lording it up as you say - she has cancer. She's all but dying if you must know, so she can sit about all she bleedin' wants. You got that? And as for Prince Charming, well he's just about recovering from a belly full of bullets, so he can do exactly what he wants too" Kate was speechless "And as for you, Rebecca. You need a lesson in boundaries, and loyalty by the looks of it. Both of which I could teach you a thing of two about. So as we're playing nice at a kiddie's party, why don't you piss off back to the punch bowl, sneak your wine like the classy birds you are with a bottles in your hand bags and shut ya nasty mouths. My sister is worth 10 of you sad slappers. Now piss off"

Beth appeared, placing a protective hand onto Bella's shoulder "I think we'll wrap the kids up soon, and then you can continue your conversations elsewhere whilst Charles enjoys his birthday. You'll be pleased to know I've even got him a throne" Bella sniggered "Bella, if you wouldn't mind helping me darling I've got some jelly shots that need making. Fingers insists they are the way to two sections heart"

Tears built inside Rebecca as they walked away, her place within the James family well and truly slipping through her fingers.

* * *

Rebecca slipped through the side entrance with military stealth, Sam was settled with her parents and she'd always planned on sticking around for Charles' bbq. She went unnoticed into the kitchen where two section were playing drinking games and Dave Dawes was pissed in the corner. She gazed at him through the window, always completely in awe of his beauty and the way one particular curl fell over his forehead when he allowed his hair to grow that little bit longer than military length. He was leaning heavily now, his bad leg lifted beneath him barely skimming the floor, he'd need to rest soon. She climbed the stair way to his new bedroom, the one at the top of the house no longer suitable for someone who could barely walk.

Molly was definitely at home here. She peered into the small overnight bag, the lack of clothes suggesting she had her own space here. Something Rebecca had never been privileged enough to have. The crumpled bed suggested they'd already been reacquainted with each other. She wandered round to his side, picking up the frame that used to hold a picture of their family, only to be met with the sea green eyes of Molly bouncing Sam on her lap. The bottles of pills lined up perfectly startled her; he never had a need for such things when they were together. They dealt with their problems together; they didn't need antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.

"What are you doing up here Rebecca?" Her stomach dropped at the sound of his voice "I wanted to talk to you in private. I knew you'd need to rest soon" He was reluctant to sit down next to her but she was right, he needed to get off his leg. He winced as he tried several times to lift it onto the bed, Rebecca coming to his aid "I can do it Rebecca, you need to go" she passed him the painkillers "take these. No more drinking either" he gratefully accepted "say what you need to say then go please, before this causes me trouble" He closed his eyes waiting for the pain to subside "Is Molly dying?" Darkest of brown eyes stared back at her "If she doesn't get a transplant, then yes she will die" he'd never said the words before, they hit him like a tonne of bricks and if he was honest he didn't think it would be so hard to find suitable match. Things like this didn't happen in his world.

He blinked back tears "Go please, I want to be alone" she placed her hand on his "I want to help Charles, just tell me how."

* * *

She'd only taken her eyes off him for a minute before he disappeared but it was obvious to everyone he was struggling. This had been the best evening she'd had in a long time, no morbid talk of the big C or his shooting. Just friends old and new who enjoying each other company amid the raucous behaviour of the 2 section lads. The arrival of Elvis and Georgie had somehow breathed new life into the party, if Beth though this was going to end civilised, she was most definitely wrong!

She pushed the bedroom door quietly, careful not to wake him. She pulled the partially unstrapped brace from his foot, using her thumbs to massage deeply into the parts of his foot that no longer responded to her touch. He lifted an eyelid, making sure it was the right pair of legs that his bad leg now rested on.

"I can't feel it but whatever you're doing, please never stop" she leaned forward to plant kisses on the top side of his foot "If it's the last thing I do baby, I'll get this foot working" he smirked at her "Queen of a lost cause eh Dawes" her hands moved over his foot, massaging gently into his painful ankle, adjusting pressure at any winces he gave "keep going" he encouraged, the pain settling to become a pleasant tingle under her touch. She moved to his shin and calf, the most damaged area causing him this trouble "I'll go gently" she promised as he flinched. Her magic touch was arousing and she knew it. She crawled forward to straddle him "Elvis is here" she whispered in his ear as she kissed him "I've told him you needed a rest though. So we've got some time" he lips found her neck "Please don't talk about Elvis whilst you're doing this to me" she giggled "Have I told you how beautiful you are?" She could only groan "You can show me later" her lips found his, her tongue hungrily searching for his "If things don't go our way, promise you'll never forget how much I love you. And I'll continue to love you wherever it is I go after" his heart felt like it exploded "You're not going anywhere Molly, not until we're old and grey and your absolutely sick of the sight of me" she giggled as she nuzzled into his neck "Have you seen you boat race mate? Don't think I'd ever get sick of looking at you" he kissed her forehead. This was one of those moments that needed to be stored away. It needed to be locked into his Molly shaped box and cherished forever. "I love you Molly, more than you could ever know" she gave a contented sigh "Ditto Charlie, Ditto."

* * *

Facing the party minus his brace was all kinds of nerve wracking "It drags without it" he protested "you need to give you skin a break from it, those blisters look infected. And anyway you can just keep it up, that's what you're on crutches for" she found his vulnerability cute. Captain Stern face was ranked higher than all the soldiers here apart from his father, was scared to show his weakness.

Elvis pulled him into a hug "Charlie my man, I've missed you" Georgie and Molly both laughed at the affection between them "Come on Mol, let's leave them to it" Georgie handed her a beer "I just wanted to say how sorry I am, you know about us not matching. I really wanted to help" Molly squeezed her hand "You can't apologise for your genetics girl. The chances were always slim to none, I'm just grateful so many people took the time and care so much, it means a lot and also gives me hope that if anything does happen to me, that you'll all look after my Charlie" she swallowed back tears "Molly, Christ it's not going to come to that. Be positive even on the hardest days. And of course we'd all look after him, especially Elvis" Molly nodded "Yeah; I know my favourite gobshite will always have his back."

Once he's relaxed he was the life and soul of the party. Even though he wasn't working he had this way about him that commanded attention, everyone eating out of the palm of his hand as he shared a joke and bantered with Elvis. It dawned on Molly just how lucky she was to have him, this beautiful man who would move heaven and earth for her, how could she ever be without him now?

His eyes searched for her and with a flick of the head he beckoned her to fill the space beside him. His arms wrapped around her, feeling the slight chill on her skin he wrapped his zip up hoody around her "Better?" She nodded, cuddling into his side as the others drank beer around the newly lit fire pit "Have you had a good birthday?" He took a swig of beer "As long as your with me, then it's a good day" he laced his fingers with hers "I love you Molly" she planted a kiss on his neck, the scent of him driving her wild "Love you more, please never forget that."


	13. Chapter 13

**Happy friday all! As always thanks for the reviews - They continue to let me know that I'm not wasting my many hours of pregnancy induced insomnia writing this for nothing lol! Probably should spend them getting ready for the baby but the CJ addiction is real ;) Hope you enjoy (let me know) Have a great weekend - S x**

* * *

"Come on Captain, I have every faith that you can do this do" the searing pain through his shin was telling him otherwise "Keep going baby" Molly encouraged. His limp was more pronounced than ever, learning to walk with a partially paralysed foot proved more difficult than he anticipated. "I feel like a fucking idiot" he said through gritted teeth "It's barely noticeable Charlie, I promise. I'd still walk next to ya" she winked at him, finally getting him to crack a smile "careful, do that once too often and your face might break" she was met with a playful look in his eye "No you be careful Dawes, I can still put you up on a charge" she walked beside him, her hand protectively on his back "Well I don't know about you mate but this is boring me to tears, hurry up and do what he wants - I've got a surprise for you" his eyes lit up "For me?" She nodded "Yep for you! Hurry up then hop along. I'll wait for you in the car".

* * *

They looked out on the sunset; Hampstead Heath had always been one of her favourite places. "I used to come up here when I got back from tour. You know when you just struggle to get that calmness back in your nut and you need a place that's just for you - this is my place" he gazed at the side profile of her face as she looked over the city "It's almost as beautiful as you" she turned to face him, the school girl giggle that she saved just for him made his heart happy "It's not much of a surprise, I know. But I wanted us to do something and I knew you'd be sore after physio so food and sunset it is" he took her hand into his "Food and sunset and Molly" he kissed each of her knuckles "Perfect, thank you" He beckoned her into his lap, enjoying the warmth of her body and she slotted between his outstretched legs "Your making memories" it wasn't a question "I suppose so yeah" he kissed the top of her head "You my love, you're not going anywhere. But I appreciate all the memories we make regardless" she leaned up to kiss him "Something to tell the grandkids" she smirked "Christ let's get the kids out the way first Dawes" she smiled to herself 'If only'.

He wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around her, taking in her smell "Everything will work out fine you know. I have a feeling" she turned to face him "Sooner or later we have to face the fact that it might not Charles. It's time to start preparing" he shook his head "Absolutely not Molly. I won't ever accept being without you, ever" she wiped a tear from his cheek "I'm sorry Charlie, I don't wanna upset you. But please be realistic" she kissed him to keep the silence between them "Let's just enjoy this, no more talking about all that morbid shit" they watched the sky change above them, warm and comfortable "Marry me Molly?" Her eyes filled with tears "You taking the piss?" "Absolutely not, Will you marry me? I've never wanted or loved anyone as much as I Love you. I want you to know that no matter what you'll always be mine" she wrapped her arms around his neck "Of course I'll marry you" laughter and tears of joy filled the air "I'm the happiest man alive do you know that Dawes" she nodded "Course you are mate, catch of the century right here" he choked out a laugh "That you are Miss Dawes, if only you knew just how special you are".

* * *

Extreme highs are often a followed by extreme lows Molly had always found. And the extreme low blow was delivered in the form of Dave Dawes. "I swear Molls, I went for the test, I dunno what's 'appended to the results. They musta lost 'em" anger and frustration built up inside her "They should have castrated you at birth do you know that Dad. How could you lie to me? How could let so much time slip away?" She was hysterical now. Since letting Smurf's flat go, all he'd done was hold his hand out. The thought of anyone having money, well it didn't sit well with him. "We're done Dad. I'm going" Belinda pleaded with her as she packed her things "I'll make sure he gets it done Mol, I promise. Its shit without you here, please don't go" Molly stopped for a minute; the despair on her mother's face hurt her heart "I have to go mum. I've got to take my chance for happiness, because it looks like it's gunna be short lived thanks to him. He wants to marry me mum and I wanna be his wife but how much time are we gonna have?" Belinda's jaw dropped "You didn't say love, that's lovely news" Molly nodded "It is until I have to go and tell him that my last hope of beating this went to the boozer instead of getting a simple cheek swab. And for that mum I have to go" tears slipped down Belinda's cheeks "What am I meant to tell the girls. You only just moved back properly" Molly sighed "Tell then the truth mum, there ain't enough of that around her" she packed what she needed and didn't look back, ashamed that any parent, especially her own could be so cruel and selfish.

* * *

The journey to Bath was getting tougher each time, but Charles was always her light at the end of the tunnel. She counted down the minutes until she'd be reunited with him, her rock."Molly love, I wasn't expecting you today. You should have called I'd have given you a hand with your bags" Molly's tear stained cheeks sent a shiver through Beth "darling what is it?" She pulled her into a hug "Can I stay? I don't have anywhere else to go" Molly's bags were in the door before Beth had even thought about it "You always have a home here dear girl. Go and make yourself comfortable whilst I get the teas. Charles shouldn't be long, his father is just fetching him from physio" Molly picked up her favourite jumper of Charles' the warmth and his smell made her feel home sick for him.

Beth pushed a steaming cuppa towards her "What's wrong darling? Is there news from your oncologist?" Molly shook her head "It's my dad, I've walked out. He's been lying all this time saying he got tested for a match but no results have surfaced. It finally dawned on me today that he didn't go through with it" Beth shook her head "I'm so sorry, I don't have any words Molly I really don't but you are family now and you have a home here with us for as long as you and Charles need it" Molly was blown away by her kindness "Thank you. And I'm sorry for just rocking up unannounced"

The commotion of Charles flanked by Sam and Michael James ended their exchange. "By the looks of it Sammy, we've got a visitor, who could it be?" Charles' face lit up as he took her in "What a lovely surprise" she didn't want to break down in front of him "Molly?" His voice soothed her "I'm alright, let me have a cuddle with this little man and everything will be alright" she took Sam into her arms, touched by his little hand settling onto her cheek "No cry Olly" she laughed "Silly Olly ain't I" Charles wrapped his arms around them both "He let me down Charlie" he didn't need her to clarify who she was talking about "I've got something I need to talk to you about Molly"

* * *

"Absolutely fucking not Charles. How can you even ask either of us" she spat "I didn't ask her, she offered and I want to keep you alive so I'm willing to be forever indebted to Rebecca if she can make that happen. And there's not guarantee she will even match but I'm willing to take a chance if it means saving your life" she sat with her head in her hands "She hates me Charles" He shook his head "I can tell you now that no she does not, she wouldn't offer if she did. Whether you like it or not Molly we're doing this. I told you I would move heaven and earth and I intend to do whatever it takes" they sulked in silence "I'll leave you to rest and think, I can't be without you Molly. If you won't do it for you then please think about it for me because this is killing me"

He returned to her side after some time to cool down, his long finger stroking her cheek "Can I ask you something?" He said softly, she nodded "Of course" he took a deep breath "Tell me about Smurf?" She took a deep breathe, the familiar feeling of her broken heart returned "He was my best mate. I thought he was a complete dick when I first met him like everyone else did, but once you got to know him he was so kind. He'd have done anything for me" Charles tried to push away his jealousy "If I'm honest I didn't really understand how someone like you was so close to someone like him. He was a prize prick to work with" they both laughed "He was a prize prick of life mate but he was a top bloke and he was there for me when I was diagnosed. All I saw in front of me was this death sentence and he went out of his way to prove to me that there was hope" Charles seized his opportunity "And what would Smurf tell you now? About taking a chance on Rebecca?" She thought for a minute "He'd make sure that took all the chances I was given" he took her hand into his "So shall I make the call?" Against her better judgement she agreed. What choice did she have?

* * *

 **Charles**

To say she was moody was an understatement, not even my dad is managing to win her round with his never ending dinner time antics and childhood stories that he's spouting especially to embarrass me. I know her and Rebecca aren't exactly friends and of course I understand why she feels as she does, But the fact of the matter is the woman I love is going to die if we don't find someone and I'm willing to take whatever chance is handed to us. What Molly didn't know was that I've already paid for Rebecca to have the test and the results are imminent. Once again I find myself praying to whoever will listen for this chance. To watch the woman I love more or less waste away in front of me, well that's soul destroying.

"You can hate me all you want but I'm fully committed to getting you better" she climbed to her feet "Why don't you concentrate on getting you sodding foot working Charles. You worry about you and I'll worry about me okay? In case you hadn't noticed you're not exactly too fucking clever yourself are you? Still limping about on crutches like some kind of cripple all these months later because your too busy trying to run my life instead of working on yourself" her words were like bullets that she regretted firing the instant she said them, he was hurt there was no denying it. She moved forward to hold him "No Molly, just leave it" there was hurt in his voice as he lifted himself to his feet, hesitating as he reached for his crutches before deciding to forgo them "Charles I didn't mean it, I'm sorry" he limped passed her, this was one of those cut your nose to spite your face moments as he winced in pain with every step "I didn't mean it she whispered" he didn't turn to look at her "Just take some time to calm down, I'll be in the sitting room when you're ready to talk to me properly"

He couldn't pretend that her words didn't hurt him; she went in for his Achilles heel. The thing that causes him the most amount of pain after Molly's illness and it hurt. "Sit down Charlie" Michael's voice was full of sympathy "Did you hear all of that?" Michael nodded "I did son, but she doesn't mean it. And you aren't to take it to heart okay? Now put your foot up we've got a game to watch"

* * *

 **Molly**

"Never go to sleep on an argument" my Nan always told me but so many times I did and I just didn't give a toss. This is different, I've wounded him - I can see it in his eyes. Those dark brown puppy dog eyes that I love so bloody much. I pretended to be asleep when he came to bed, further adding to my guilt as I watched him struggle in the dark. He was limping badly now, because of my words and his pride he'd refused to accept any help or use his crutches. I turned to face him as threw his brace across the room and in the dark I could see the look in his face that he gets every time he loses the little bit of control it gives him of his own foot.

I've rarely stopped to think about just how deeply he's hurting. Not just about me but for him and a career that's probably in the shitter. I climb to my feet in search of his pillow. One of the bleedin' expensive things that cost more than my mum's house but Beth insisted on buying it for him to rest his leg on. I slide it under his aching leg; I know it's aching because he winces at my touch.

"Can I do anything to make it better?" My voice is an ashamed whisper "Just come here" he lifts his arm for me to fill the crook "I'm sorry Charlie. I never meant to hurt your feelings, I'm so sorry" he kisses the top of my head to let me know I'm forgiven. Even in the dark I can see how handsome he is as I cup his cheek "I love you numpty" a sad smile forms across his lips "Love you more numpty. Please know that anything I do, I do it so I can keep you longer" his words break my heart "I know" he shifts my weight to rummage in his bedside drawer "I have something for you" he puts the light on a pulls out a little velvet box "Molly Dawes, you are without a doubt the best thing to ever happen to me. I want to make this official, so that wherever we are you always know how I feel about you. Will you marry me?" He slips the most perfect diamond ring onto my finger "Now everyone will know that you are loved"

Hours passed as they held each other. Not saying a word, just enjoying this moment of togetherness, they didn't get nearly enough of them.

The buzz of her mobile broke the peace between them "Bit late" she muttered as she pulled it from the drawer

" _He's only gone and done it Moll. He's had the test x"_


	14. Chapter 14

**Apologies for the lack of my usual Wednesday update, not been feeling well and its once again affected my mojo. Hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to let me know what you think - S x**

* * *

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light" Elvis' Essex accent didn't have the same effect as Charles' silky smooth voice "Fucking hell Charlie, no wonder the girl just wants to sleep. This shit would put me into a coma" Charles barely smiled. 3 days now she'd been back in hospital, barely strong enough to even stay awake.

"Let me take you for some lunch. You ain't gonna be any good to her when she wakes up if your starving and tired" he shook his head "I need to be here when she wakes up. I don't want her to think I've left her" Elvis climbed to his feet "Nope, not having that, come on! We're going for lunch" he pulled Charles to his feet "we can bring her something nice back for when she wakes up" Charles followed reluctantly. The news that Rebecca wasn't a match had crushed him despite the slim chances. He'd pinned all his hopes on her.

"What if she doesn't make it Elvis? What would I do?" Elvis wrapped his arm around Charles' neck "Listen here, you need to stay as positive as that girl in there. I don't see her moping about like this. You've got a lot on your plate Charlie boy and I've had the major in my ear about you not committing to a decent rehab program. Shits gonna hit the fan if you don't show him you're at least working towards progress. He wants you back at Headley" the walk was slow and torturous as Elvis put him in his place "I'm sticking around now, I'm gonna help get you sorted and cab you between some sort of rehab, Molly and rest at home with me. When she comes home you can both stay in the flat and I can do what I need to do to help you get better" Charles was touched but his friends gesture "I can't let you put your life on hold for me" Elvis shrugged "Mate we've been on this journey together since Sandhurst. And although I should have kicked your arse for nicking my bird, I'm gonna be there for you, Georgie too. All this with Molly, it's really affected her. So that's what we're gonna do and I've already spoken to your mum. It makes sense to be nearer Molly's own doctors anyway" Charles smiled to himself "You've really thought this through haven't you?" Elvis nodded "They don't call me Captain Fantastic for nothing do they? Now enough talking, bloody starving here"

* * *

The warmth of Dave's hand on hers stirred her from a peaceful sleep "Charlie?" She mumbled "No Molls, it's Dad. He's gone for a feed they said" she struggled to sit up "Don't struggle Mol. Let me adjust the bed" he adjusted her to sit and poured her a drink "Thanks Dad. My mouths like Gandie's flip flop"

He'd never really taken he time to visit her when she'd been in hospital; there was always a game or a pint waiting but if he was honest – he found it too painful. It had never really dawned on him that he was missing out on precious time with her, his eldest daughter, Belinda's rock, their brave soldier. "Where's mum?" Dave squeezed her hand tightly "She'll be down later, I wanted to see you by myself for a bit" Molly eyed him suspiciously "Dad what's wrong" he choked back a lump "I'll let the doctor explain" the sight of her oncologist told her all she needed to know "He's not a match is he?" Dave hung his head "I'm so sorry Molly" tears filled her eyes "How long?" Dave flinched at the question "Were going to do another round of chemo and radiation. I'll be able to answer your question after that" she didn't want to hear his shit "I said how long? How long have I got left without a donor?" She closed her eyes "A few months at most. The chemo will buy a little extra time" she nodded "Thank you doctor" Molly pulled her hand away from Dave "Can you find Charles please. He won't be far his legs been hurting him"

For once Dave did as he was asked with no arguments, thankful for distraction. All his fuck ups were haunting him; if he'd have done it sooner would things have been different? He knew the outcome would be the same but he regretted making her cry and beg for this to be the outcome anyway. Dave Dawes, father of the year.

* * *

The smell of his aftershave was the only smell she could bare these days. She wound her fingers through his mop of unruly curls "I like your hair a bit longer" she whispered, waking him from dozing next to her "Climb in with me?" He did just that, their bodies fitting perfectly together as always "I love you Charlie James" he gave her a tired laugh "I love you too. Since the very moment I saw you, and it's only grown every moment since" she nuzzled into his neck "Can we stay like this forever?" He nodded "well until they realise I'm still here and chuck me out" she smiled at him, he was so dedicated to her "You should be at home resting you do know that don't you?" He kissed away her frown lines "I'm resting here with you aren't I, it's a win-win situation. Major Beck is hassling me, wants me back at Headley ASAP" her hand found its way under his T-shirt, she liked that it was a little softer these days. Gone was the six pack, he'd filled out beautifully since being less active "Then you should go baby. I'll be here when you get back" he sighed "I don't want to spend a minute away from you" "Ditto. But you have too and you're going too - I need you better don't I?" He nodded "Yes you do. I had better get going before they catch me. I'll be back first thing though okay?" He cupped her face, kissing her deeply "Just sleep and rest and come in once you've sorted Headley. And put that bloody leg up" he saluted her "Yes Sir" she blew him a kiss "Love you numpty"

Tears came as she watched him leave, Her love. He'd becoming everything and more to her and now she had to tell him she wouldn't be part of their plans. The life they had so carefully constructed in their minds wasn't going to happen. A life of happiness she'd always dreamed of. He would be okay, she knew that much. Eventually he would be okay, he had to be.

* * *

"Well I don't know about you Molly Dawes but those eyebrows definitely need some pencil" she opened one eye in response to the thick welsh accent that was talking at her "Mrs Smith?" Candy laughed "I think we're a bit long in the tooth for such formality don't you Mol" Candy was wiping Molly's face with some special blend of something or other "I'm gonna make you feel a million dollars girl" she set to work filling in eyebrows that had fallen and putting colour onto her hollow cheeks "You always were my Dylan's favourite girl you know" she gave a small laugh "ah Smurfy, He was always my favourite prize prat" Candy snorted a laugh "You had a fabulous relationship. He'd be very sad to see you like this now if he was here" Molly squeezed her hand "He better be getting ready for me because he's got a life time of earache due from me when I get up there" Candy laughed "You're not going anywhere. Well not in that direction anyway" Candy's eyes gestured above "I know about these things, predicted both my boys didn't I and you're not going anywhere" she wiped away a single tear from Molly's cheek "I'm dying Candy. They told me" she shook her head "Well I don't believe them" she always was bleedin' nuts Molly thought "Who told you I was here?" Candy smiled "Nan of course. She keeps me updated on you during our monthly phone calls; I hear you've met a handsome lad?" Molly smiled "He's unbelievable Candy. In every possible way" Candy busied herself with Molly's make up; she would always be Smurfs girl to her "Well now you look extra beautiful for him when he comes by" Molly smiled at her reflection "Thank you. I look like me again" Candy smiled "Nothing will ever change you Molly Dawes. Beautiful inside and out" she pulled a piece of paper from her bag "I hope you'll find this useful. Pass it on to your doctor and let me know" Candy kissed her cheek, emotion rising in her throat "I do love you very much you know, take care my girl" with that she was gone.

* * *

"Room for a gobshite?" Elvis had become a regular visitor, often popping in even when Charles wasn't with her "Always" she smiled back at him "I bought you some flowers but the Gestapo on the nurse's desk confiscated them. Something about infection" he looked wounded "Aww thanks but yeah she's right. If I get an infection it will delay my treatment. How's Charles?" He never went back on his word or let her down, he hadn't come in as promised and she knew there would be good reason "He's not too good today Dawsey, he's gonna rest and try and get into you later" she smiled at the thought of his handsome face "If he's not up to it he should stay home, sitting here ain't gonna do him any good" Elvis' nodded "you know what he's like, won't be told - especially not by me" they laughed "Dawes.. I just wanted to say how glad I am that we met you, I'm especially for Charlie" she placed her hand on top of his "Who knew you could be so sweet" she laughed "But Thanks. I'm glad I met you both too. He's changed my life, and you're not too bad either I s'pose" he smirked at her "You will look after him won't you?" He nodded "Always, Dawes. Always but I won't have too once your back on your feet" she smiled at him, if only he knew.

* * *

The clink of his crutch gave him away; Molly didn't need to open her eyes to know he was there. She could feel him. A wide smile stretched across her face. "I know your awake cheeky" his long finger stroked her cheek "Hello handsome" he was leaning heavily, barely able to hold any weight "Sit down idiot, get off that leg" he rolled his eyes in true Molly style "Stop worry about me. You're the one stuck in here" he leaned forward to kiss her cheek, kisses on lips out of bounds "You should have stayed at home today" he limped into the seat next to her "Happy now?" She nodded "For now. Don't stay long" he took his hand in hers "How are you?" She had a little more colour then when he'd last seen her "Definitely better for seeing you despite my moaning" she smirked "Headley?" She cut to the chase "I can't go Molly. Not until we're through this rough patch of yours" she rolled her eyes "We need to talk about that" the thought of breaking the news that Dave wasn't a match sickened her. She'd put it off and now he was the last to know. His eyes filled with concern "Whatever it is, we'll deal with it okay?" He took her hand in his; bringing it to his mouth "Dad isn't a match Charles. I've run out of options" his heart fell into his stomach "So what does this mean?" She wiped the tears that fell from his eyes "He has to be Molly, He has to match" the desperation in his voice was heart-breaking "I'll have some more treatment to buy us some more time but.." she couldn't bring herself to say the words "You've been the best thing to ever happen to me" she sobbed as his head fell into his hands, his body shaking with sadness and emotion. He pulled her into his arm, holding her a closely and tightly as her could get her "You can't leave me Molly" he wept.

He held her for what felt like hours. The warmth of his body was comforting as he kissed every inch of her "Molly?" She looked into the eyes of her doctor "I have some news. Some really good news actually! Mrs Candy Smith is a suitable match and has consented for us to go ahead with arranging a transplant. I'm so delighted for you Molly" They stared at each other in disbelief "Are you sure?" Her voice shook "Positive Molly. We need to get you well enough for the procedure before we can proceed but I'm confident that we can get the ball rolling" he'd lost the ability to function as he zoned out of the conversation. He wiped the sweat from his palms as a million things went through his head. He'd all but lost her just a few hours ago and now she was being handed a lifeline. Was this finally it? Was it finally the end of this nightmare? The woman sat in front of him was his everything, he was building his whole life around her and the thought of losing her had almost ended him. She was brave and courageous and she was his, as long as she was going to be okay, so would he.

* * *

 **Finally our dear Molly is catching a break :D x**


	15. Chapter 15

**I must say, I'm absolutely loving all the new stories that have popped up recently - Keep them coming guys, I'm addicted lol! This story however, I'm still suffering the block and not really feeling it. Feel like I should wrap it up soon and give it up as a bad job - The fact I've already started something else suggests maybe my heart isn't in the one like it was my previous story. Anyway, that's enough rambling - I hope you enjoy reading it at least & don't forget to let me know what you think! It really does make all the difference. Happy Easter - Sarah x**

 **Charles**

They've called this process 'conditioning' - she's been blasted with chemo and radiation and all sort of drugs to prepare her body for the transplant. I'd however call it absolute torture. For the first time since I've known her she utterly defeated- a shell of my Molly. Sick and tired, she's just had enough. I have to keep reminding her that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel now, that tunnel is going to be a long one, but we're getting there. The recovery from this is going to be just as hard if not harder than this current phase but I know she's got the fight in her, she has to have - we've got so much to live for.

Major Beck has finally cut me some slack and realised that Molly has to come first right now. I can't even think of going off to Headley until she is on the road to recovery and I know it's detrimental to my own recovery, but sometimes those we love come first, this is one of those times. If I have to live my life with this limp then so be it, but I'll always know I did right by her and that is more than okay with me.

* * *

Charles extended his hand to Candy Smith "I can't even begin to put into words how grateful I am" she gave him a warm smile "Anything for our girl eh? My Dylan would have never forgiven me if I didn't so something to help" he gave a sad smile "You know Smurf and I didn't really have a great working relationship, but I so grateful to him for the way he looked after Molly. I wish I could buy him a beer" she squeezed his hand "He'd have done anything for that girl, and despite everything he'd be glad that she's got you" he held her hand tightly "Thank you Candy. Thank you" she couldn't stop the tears from falling "Sod off now before I really get going. Look after my Molly" he gave a salute, he owed this woman everything.

He used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that dripped down her cheeks "Bad day beautiful?" She could only nod "We're so close now, I promise" he took his usual position in bed next to her, Stroking her face until she fell into a deep sleep. He'd always felt awkward about it lying with her, like the nurses would frown upon it but it made her happy and that's all they cared about. And to be honest, looking at him he probably needed the rest himself. His stomach wounds were becoming increasing painful, the strain of being on his feet so much taking their toll on his still healing body.

He rolled his eyes at the gentle knock at the door "It's only me" Beth called "What are you doing here? We weren't expecting you" Beth tutted loudly "You cheeky bugger, can I not come and see my son and his fiancé? You are still my boy you know" she kissed his cheek and took the opportunity to run her hands through his hair "Mum for god sake" Beth laughed "You may be 28 Charles but you'll always be my baby, and I'm under strict instructions from your lady here that I'm to take you home with me and give you a little TLC" he rolled his eyes "I'm not leaving her" she admired his dedication but Molly had been right, he wasn't looking well "No arguments Charles, not this time. We need to make sure you stay well too" he knew she was right, he hadn't been feeling great and walking was becoming increasingly difficult "Let me make sure she'll have company" Beth held her hands up "already taken care of. I'm going to pop down to the shop and get her a few treats to keep her going and give you a minute to say your good byes" she gave him a small smile as she left. His dear mother had been through it with him that's for sure, she was his constant. She didn't really have it too easy herself with his dad being constantly away and the worry of her only child being shot to pieces then falling in love with Molly who she worried about just as much if not more. Maybe she just needed him for a bit.

"I love you" he whispered as he held her close "Ditto" she smiled "Sneaky little bugger that you are, I love you with all my heart and I'll be back in a few days" she squeezed his hand "Get some rest okay, we need to take care of you too"

"I'm fine" he protested "No you're not Charlie. Just get some rest and get yourself back to me ready for what's coming next. It's going to be hard on both of us" he nodded "Keep me updated" he couldn't let go of her hand "Always. Rest and do your exercises and all that, love you"

They both laughed at the sight of Beth laden with bags being accosted by the Gestapo "Treats for you apparently" Charles smirked.

"Anyone would think I was trying to smuggle anthrax into you Molly, honestly" hysterical laughter broke out as Gestapo eyeballed her through the window. "Thanks so much Beth, you shouldn't have worried I've still got the last stash you left me" Beth kissed her head "It's just a few bits, some magazines, Chocolate ect if you can manage it"

Molly pulled her into a hug "Look after my boy won't you" Beth smiled "Of course. The sofa is calling him isn't it Charles" he rolled his eyes as he went in for one last kiss "Don't miss me too much" she grinned with a cheeky pinch of his perfect bum "Miss you already."

* * *

 **3 months later**

"Look James, I'll be frank with you. You're not putting the effort in, you're not showing any progress nor are you showing much willing. I understand your personal situation, I really do. But I don't know how much longer I can hold off the top brass. If this was any other soldier they'd have been out on their ear by now but because it's you and we don't want to lose one of our best officers, every effort is being made to ensure your given the time you need but it's not going to cut it much longer. Sort yourself out do you hear me?"

"Yes sir, Molly is on the mend now so I can start my rehab at Headley" Beck glared at him "I've heard this before Charles and I am glad that Dawes is finally in the mend don't get me wrong about that. But I know you; you're the most unselfish man I have ever met. I'm not nagging as your boss, I'm nagging as your friend and I've taken the liberty of telling Headley you'll report for rehabilitation next month. I feel it's more than a generous amount of time" Charles nodded his head "It is, thank you sir. Thank you" Beck extended his hand "The next time I see you, I want you walking into this office. If anyone can do this, you can"

* * *

3 brutal months have passed since the transplant. And liked Molly had promised it was harder than he ever could have anticipated. He'd watched the woman he love become a shell of herself, and despite the fact this was supposed to be curing her - she had been sicker than ever. He held her and cried with her, spent every possible moment he could by her side. Charming Charles had even been on first name terms with all the staff that had looked after Molly (and him). Molly knew how lucky she was to have him, he was loyal and dedicated- his life had also paused with hers. So had his recovery, but he didn't care as long as they were together.

 **Charles**

I'm pretty sure that she came the closest to death she ever had during her recovery. I've seen people suffering, I've watched it day in day out in various parts of the world on deployment but this has truly been a new evil. One of the hardest things for me to accept is the fact I couldn't do much to help her, I couldn't do much of anything at all. It was my privilege to be the one who was by her side during this, if that's even the right thing to say but I am even more in awe of this woman than I was before. She truly is a soldier. Watching her grow a little stronger over the weeks allowed to anxiety in the pit of my stomach to ease, everything is right in the world again.

* * *

The sweet sound of her infectious giggles filled the hallway as he made his approach. It had been so longed since he'd heard it, he couldn't help but smile. She smiled when she saw him, gingerly climbing to her feet to greet him. She threw her arms around his neck, her warm hand settling on his cheek "God I'm happy to see you" she went straight in for a kiss "You Sir, are looking even sexier than usual" she whispered. His eyes fell on the company they had "Who's this then?" His face was stern and his tone icy "Oh sorry. This is Tom, he had his transplant the same time as I did, and we've been keeping each other company after hours "she giggled" Lovely"

"Right vacate my chair you" she ordered at Tom "My injured soldier needs his rest" the flush of red in Charles cheeks alerted her to his embarrassment "Sorry" she whispered. She watched as the two men sized each other up "I think you'd better go" she suggested "Yeah I'll see you later Mol. Was nice to meet you" he offered Charles his hand which was flatly refused. Jealous Charles didn't rear his head often but when he did, he was ruthless.

"You didn't need to be rude Charlie" He sniggered "Finding another man in your room when you've kept me away again isn't exactly going to make me jump for joy is it Molly?" She shook her head "I suppose not, I'm sorry" she hated to admit that she enjoyed his jealousy. After all her body had been through, how much she'd changed - lost weight, lost her curves and pretty much all of her hair, his jealousy showed her he still wanted her.

He limped into the chair beside her "No better?" He shook his head sadly "Just been torn a new arsehole by Beck so back to Headley for me next month" she smiled at him despite the guilt in the pit of her stomach for keeping him away from his rehab "I'll be out of here by then and I'm feeling good so it's my turn to take care of you alright?" He pulled her into his lap "You Miss Dawes will be too busy cracking on with our wedding plans, let me worry about everything else okay?"

Her stomach felt heavy at the thought "Yeah well there's no rush is there? Let's get ourselves sorted first" he let out a sigh "I want us to do this as soon as we can, I need to make you my wife" she stroked away the frown from his forehead until every trace of worry had vanished "much better" she giggled, planting a kiss on his nose "they said I need to start getting my stamina for walking up again so I'm gonna get us something to eat whilst you rest here" he attempted to lift himself from the chair "Let me escort you just in case Molly" she placed a hand gently in his chest and pushed him back down "I'm okay, me and Tom have done it few times now. Let me treat you please" she was gone before he had the chance to protest, a burning fit of jealousy overcoming him, fucking Tom he thought - that's all he needed after everything they'd been through, a competition for his fiancé's attention.

* * *

The quiet of number 20 Royal Crescent was once again broken with the sound of cheeky giggles and play fights and a very vocal Sam and Molly running rings around Charles. Beth smiled to herself; things were finally coming right for her boy and his little family.

They giggled as Sam unpacked Charles' case quicker than Molly was packing it "You cheeky, are making auntie Molly soooo much more work" she bounced him on her hip as Charles looked on "Suits you" he winked. She was dreading his Headley stay if she was honest, they'd spent so much time apart recently and she missed him.

He pulled the two most import people in his world into his lap "It's not for long don't worry. And hopefully when I come home I'll be rid of this limp and the crutches and the pain and we can start our life" he always seemed to know exactly what she needed to hear "I'll miss you that's all, I want to look after you"

He gave her a shy smile "Ditto Dawes. But you've got a wedding to plan so that should keep you busy" he gazed at her as she spun the expensive diamond ring around her tiny finger "Not having second thoughts are you?" She met his concerned gaze, god he's beautiful

"No, course not. I just, well it just feels weird. I never thought I'd be around to get married and whilst I wait for those words 'You're in remission' I just ain't got any space for anything else in my nut" she wasn't sure if he was hurt or if he understood, his silence was unreadable. She nuzzled into his neck, she currently didn't feel certain about a wedding, she felt certain about him.

"I'm going to a therapy group. You know, like the one we met at but for cancer patients" she felt the shift in his mood instantly "I suppose Tom will be joining you?"

She nodded "Yeah it was his idea. Thought it would help us through the next few months" Charles took her tiny hand in his "I could go with you?" He wasn't sure why he even offered, she seemed to enjoy spending time with Tom and he'd be at Headley "You just concentrate on getting strong okay" there was hurt in his eyes that was all too familiar these days "Please Charlie, please don't let it make you feel any kind of way" he shrugged his shoulders "How do you expect me to feel Molly? You're seeking something; I'm not sure what in another man. Am I an embarrassment? Is that it?" Her heart broke at his wounded face "God Charles no. No baby, don't ever think that. He just gets it! He understands better than anyone else what I've been through" he bit his lip; this had gone somewhere totally unexpected "You think I don't understand? Well it's not like I didn't spend every waking minute by your side is it Molly?" He moved as quickly as he could off the bed, flanked by Sam. The last thing she wanted to do after everything he'd done was hurt him but she'd done just that.

She waited for Sam to be safely occupied with her grandmother before leading him back to bed. "You do know how much you mean to me don't you? How much I appreciate you?" he nodded his head, enjoying the sensation of her kissing his neck "Good, because I love you very. very. much" she punctuated each word with a kiss, feeling his need for her. "Please don't ever forget that, no matter what. Now let me give you the send-off you won't forget."


	16. Chapter 16

**I hope you've all had a lovely Easter break. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter - I haven't given it the time or thought that I usually do but decided after rereading and rewriting it would do its job and lay down the groundwork for what's coming. Hope you enjoy and as always please do drop me a review. It really does make a difference to where the story may go, reviews can sometimes (a lot of the time) be the inspiration I'm missing with this story. Sarah x**

* * *

 **3 weeks later**

 **Molly**

I can honestly say that I'm feeling the best I have in years. I haven't been given the all clear yet but I can just hope and pray that this is a sign of things to come. I've been cooped up so long I just wanna enjoy a bit of freedom, I think I'm still getting my head around everything that's happened in the last few years, including Charles. He's been my absolute angel throughout all of this and I could never repay him in any way, shape or form for being the best bloke I've ever met.

I've been a bit neglectful of him, I know that much but he seems to understand my need to live a bit now that I can. He's still holed up at Headley and although I did promise I'd visit as often as I could, I haven't been very much. Toms been keeping me busy, we've been going to therapy which he thought would help seeing as we both nearly snuffed it. I'm not sure I ever really thought about how Charles felt considering he nearly died too. Technically he did a couple of times.

The group sessions remind me of the early days with Charles, before everything got complicated. I feel a bit homesick for him and I know it's my own fault. I feel a bit like a bird right now – finally free of the cage that was my illness.

* * *

"No Molly again today?" Charles only shook his head to his mother's questions "Where's she got too?" He shrugged his shoulder, despondent "She had a group therapy session and then not sure after that" It was hard to see her son back here again, especially when he'd given so much of himself to Molly throughout her recovery and although she wasn't there yet, she was doing well. Well enough to support him now he needed her.

"And how's the leg?" This was painful; she was dragging conversation out of him "So so. Had a bit of a mishap - waiting to see if I've done any damage" Beth's heart hurt for him.

 _"Molly dear, Are you on route to Charles?"_

It wasn't like Beth to interfere but this called for some action. Molly was clearly going through something and it was going to be up to her to find out just what that was. After all she was living in her house as part of the family even in the absence of Charles, she would be held accountable for her actions the same way her son had been in the past concerning Rebecca.

 _"I won't make it in today Beth. I got held up at group"_

Her heart sank as she watched him read his own message "Everything okay dear?" He lifted himself from the bed "Yep. Going for a walk you coming?" She followed as he pushed himself, the soldier in him always responded to his heartache by pushing himself to be better. "I think you should take it easy Charles" he pulled his arm away from her grip "I need to get back on my feet, I need to be me again. I can't lose her"

* * *

Molly threw herself down into the chair opposite Beth "I'm well and truly shopped out" Beth smiled politely "Molly love. Can we have a chat?" Molly stared back with concern "Course. Is it Charles? Is he alright?"

Beth took a deep breath; he would surely want to throttle her for this. "Are you okay?" Molly stared at her confused "I'm better than I've been in a long time. Why do you ask?" Beth sighed "It just seems that you are growing apart from Charles, he needs you Molly, he's not doing too well and I know he's missing you. I think he needs a little TLC darling and he's too proud to tell you himself. He needs _you_ now Molly" Molly sat in silence "I've been a terrible fiancé ain't I?" Beth shook her head "I'm not saying that at all and we all understand that you are adjusting after all you've been through and that it's not easy. But just try to remember it hasn't been easy for him either, he's suffered with you, on your behalf and his own with those injuries. Did you know he's been having nightmares?" Molly shook her head "No I didn't"

Guilt consumed her, Charles her sweet and lovable Charles needed her now and she wasn't there. "I'll make it right Beth I promise" Beth smiled kindly "I know you will darling. You just needed a little push in the right direction"

* * *

She almost skipped along the corridor, laden with his favourite books and her iPod loaded with things to keep him entertained.

"Well if it isn't my fave gobshite" Elvis barely grunted a response "what's going on? Where's Charles?" She panicked "He's been transferred up to the main hospital; he's in surgery" her heart flipped "Surgery? What the fuck for?" Elvis paused, hesitant to tell her exactly what he was thinking "If you'd been around Dawes you'd know, he had a fall and well it's resulted in surgery" she tried hard to swallow back her tears "Don't cry Dawes"

"I really took my eye off the ball didn't I?" Elvis nodded "A little and listen, we're all guilty of it sometimes. Let's get this lot into the car and you can see him"

There was an eerie sense of de ja vu as they waited. "He must have been in agony and I weren't with him" Elvis shrugged his shoulders "You need to tell this Tom tosser to piss right off Molly, I know I'm over stepping her but I need to say something before he causes you trouble" she felt heat rise in her cheeks "He mentioned him then?"

"Yeah well it's bothering him ain't it. His missus is spending time with another bloke whilst he's been stuck in rehab, would be hard for any man to take trust me on that, I think he's been more than fair"

 **Molly**

Elvis was right, he has been more than fair and It's unforgivable that I didn't know he'd hurt himself, wasn't there when he was taken to surgery but that's what I do ain't it. I wreck nice things and apparently that ain't changed. Molly Dawes epic fuck up because I just can't help myself. After all he's done for me.

* * *

He stirred to the face he'd been missing "There he is" her warm hand felt comforting on his cheek "Charles, I'm so sorry" he shushed her "Not now Molly, and I feel too rough "she lifted the blanket to inspect his wounds "Why didn't you call me?" She pressed on but the stress in his face was evident "I tried, I can never get hold of you" "I ain't going anywhere now okay, I'm here" he squeezed her hand; trying to defuse the tension he felt towards her.

 **Molly**

I took his hand in mine, a hand I've been homesick for but Molly the fuck up has been out to play. Molly the fiancée has a lot to learn and it needs to start with the fact that the world don't revolve around me.

He winced as he tried to move and it breaks my heart "You know if it was me lying there all I'd need is a couple of paracetamol and an ice pack" the joke was lost on him as he clicked for morphine "You're stubborn enough to rely on paracetamol that's for sure" you could cut the atmosphere between them with a knife.

"Do you want the good news?" He really didn't seem to give a shit but I needed to tell him and break the atmosphere between us "Whilst they were operating, they found some shrapnel that they think may have been the cause of the nerve damage and numbness. They can't promise but they are hopeful that they've resolved it Charles, they think you'll get your foot back. And whatever you did when you fell, that's been fixed too - so things are looking good"

"Don't bombard the poor bastard Mol; they said he's only just woken up" Bella threw her arms around her "What you doing here?"

"Come to see if this numpty's alright ain't I? The hospital rang looking for you so I thought I'd fill in for you til you took your head out of Tom's arse" Molly hung her head "God everyone knew before me" Bella nosed under the cover "Oh looks nasty, sod that! You alright there soldier?" He nodded his head "Yes thank you"

He drifted in and out of sleep as they chatted around him "Right Mol I'm off. You should get some rest as well, are you still taking it easy?"

Molly laughed at her younger sisters authority "Yes ya numpty, let me just say bye to Charlie, I'm meeting Tom, we're going to get ratted on a sip of wine - you should come"

Brown eyes stared back at her "You'll be ok for the night yeah? I'll be back first thing" he nodded in response. He wanted to beg her not to go, to stay with him but how could he? She needed to do what she needed to do. "Course, but should you be drinking?" she kissed his lips "Stop worrying, I'm fine and I need to talk to Tom, I need to tell him that you're my priority now. I'll make it up to you I promise" her fingers lingered in his curls "I love you and I'm sorry"

Anger built inside him as he watched her go. He was losing her, he knew that much. He'd seen the signs before with Rebecca, he knew what was coming.

* * *

 **I can't decide who's side I'm on here? I'm leaning more towards beloved CJ, he needs his Molly and she's being a little bit naughty I think.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to all you lovelies who reviewed the previous chapter and took the time to send me PM's! It's appreciated more than you know!**

 **I've had a few requests for a Georgie/Elvis fanfic and whilst I would absolutely love to write one, and as much as I love Elvis (and Georgie but not as much as dear Molly) I really don't feel I'm emotionally invested in that relationship as I was/am with CJ & Molly. But who knows, maybe the inspiration will take me one day but the requests are flattering all the same, I presume it means those individuals particularly enjoy my writing so thank you! Happy weekend all x S x**

* * *

 _"I promise I'll be there, can't wait to get you home where you belong - M x"_

He smiled as he closed her message, finally he was going home in a much better condition that he'd been for a long time. He needed to work hard, but he was prepared for that. Anything to get his life back, anything to be better for himself as well as his family.

He stretched his toes, pain was a good sign they said he reminded himself. Pain meant the feeling was coming back.

 _"Ready when you are beautiful"_

"Oh my lovely Captain James, I'm so glad I caught you. Are you sure you're ready to leave us?" He smiled at the nurse who'd taken such great care of him "I know I'm going a little bit ahead of advice but I'm ready to get back to my lady. We've been a part too long"

She smiled back at him "Young love eh? Okay well one last look at those dressing please and you Sir are all done"

* * *

2 hours late. 2 bloody hours. He'd texted and he called and she didn't answer. He winced as he lowered himself into a taxi, hurt and humiliated that she'd forgotten him but this was his Molly at the moment.

The sound of laughter floated through the open windows as he struggled to his feet "I'll take your bags to the door" the driver kindly offered. Gingerly he let go of the stability of his crutch, balancing his full weight of his good leg as he fumbled with the keys. Her voice sounded like home despite his hurt, he hobbled towards the sound of her.

"Yeah well you know me mate, always up for a laugh" she giggled as she necked a shot.

He stopped in the door way, taking in the sight of her sitting crossed legged on the floor, Tom comfortable in what had become his chair.

"Charlie" panic washed over her "Oh my god Charles I'm so sorry" she rushed to her feet "Sit down, Tom get his bags in will ya"

He was wounded. He didn't need to say it, she knew that look. There was hurt in his eyes that she was causing a little too often lately. "I'm so sorry" tears slipped down her cheeks "I'm disgusting and I'm sorry" she sank to her knees in front of him, resting her head in his lap "Can you forgive me?" He ran his hands through his hair, tugging slightly like he always did when he felt conflicted "You don't love me anymore do you?" The break in his voice made her stomach drop "of course I love you. I just lost track of time. I know I've been a terrible fiancée but I'll make it up to you I promise"

"Get him out of my house" his voice was harsher than intended "Okay" she jumped to her feet, ushering Tom thought the door way "You have to go, this is all wrong Tom. I'm wrong" he took her hand in his "Molly I can't go when your like this, what's he said?"

Tears came thick and fast "He ain't said anything, it's me I've fucked up and I've let him down. Now just go please, I can't lose him" Tom held his breath "What about me? Can you lose me?"

She couldn't answer him because the truth was that she couldn't face losing him either. He'd become like a part of her, all those hours spent sick and tired and lonely and scared had led them to this unbreakable bond.

"You should go with him" his silky smooth voice was calm but sad "I would never stand in the way of your happiness Molly. And if it's with him then so be it, but it can never be both of us"

She took in the face of the man who's stood by her side from day one. He'd never failed her and he needed her now. She moved towards him, concerned as he leaned heavily into his crutches "I'm not going anywhere" she slide an arm around his ridged torso "Get off your leg whilst I see him out. Please"

He hesitated "Don't stay because of this" he motioned to his leg "Stay because it's what you want, not because you feel you have too"

"It's you Charles, it's always been you. From the day I met you until the day I die" the warmth of her hand against his back sent shivers down his spine "I can't be without you Molly" she motioned him towards the closest chair "You don't need to worry about that, I'll be back in a minute. Please just rest and let me sort this"

Tom loitered in the hallway, he'd been sure that push comes to shove she'd go with him. After all, she spent most days with him, often skipping her visits to Charles to see him, this wasn't the end he was sure if it.

"Molly Make sure this is what you want. You heard what he said, it's just a broken leg it's nothing to what we've been through" he made her blood boil.

"Except it's not as simple as that, is it? He's put his health and career on the line for me and how have I repaid him? By forgetting to pick him up and making him feel like I don't love him. How can he ever forgive me for that? How can I ever forgive myself? I'm not saying this is the end of our friendship but for now I need some space to make sure I'm everything he needs, before it's too late. And _it is_ more than a broken leg; he nearly died for this country" He turned and left without responding. This is what real guilt felt like, it was sickening.

She crept into the sitting room to find him sweaty and panicked as he fumbled to release his boot "Let me do it" she pleaded. He watched as tiny hand undid the straps to release to tension. Expertly she lifted his leg to rest on the footstool. "Comfortable?" He nodded. This wasn't going to be easy, she had a lot of making up to do to heal the divide she'd put between them "I'm sorry" she whispered as she attempted to snuggled into the crook of his arm. He was hurt, it was written all his face, in his body.

"Tell me I can put this right?" He shrugged his shoulders "I don't know Molly! Can you? I know that _I_ love you, I've given you everything but I'm not so sure that you feel the same. Was I just some fool to help you through your illness? Is that it? It certainly feels like that from where I'm standing. They warned me about you, told me you enjoyed relationships for their convenience but I never believed a single bad word said against you. Now I wonder if they were right. You've given me nothing since you started you recovery, I've done this alone and to be honest I'd rather continue to do it alone than be hurt by you down the line. You can take tonight to decide if it's me you want and if we're still getting married. If it's not then you can pack your things and leave first thing" she swallowed hard. The fact she was even having doubts frightened her.

* * *

The sunlight breaking through the curtains woke him much earlier than he intended. The staircase of Royal Crescent was too daunting whilst he was healing and he'd settled early into the big, soft sofa for the night. He flexed his leg, running through his morning routine of exercises. It was just a matter of time now before he'd show her the fun she was craving. How happy he could make her.

The silence of his home was deafening, he hobbled through the downstairs. The sound of the doorbell excited him as he moved as fast as he could towards the door "Did you forget your key Dawsey?" Elvis stared back at him "It's you"

"Nice! Straight from the tarmac of Brize to Bath to see my best mate and that's the welcome I get?"

Her absence was rattling him "Sorry! I'm sorry come in. I've just woken up that's all and I thought it was Molly with some coffees or something" Elvis raised a suspicious eye. "So your mum tells me you've discharged yourself early. Can I ask why?"

He flicked on the coffee machine as Charles made himself comfortable "I needed to get home to Mol, we've spent too long apart" Elvis picked up the note next to the kettle.

" _I love you so much, but I'm sorry I can't get married. Please forgive me"_

Elvis clutched the note to his chest, how could he deliver this blow? He passed Charles the note, watching his friend's world fall apart in front of his eyes "How could she do this to you? After everything you've done for her. She's left you here to fend for yourself"

Charles ran his fingers across her words "She'll be back. She's just going through something, but I know she'll come back to me Elvis. She has too"

* * *

His world spiralled as the days and weeks passed without her. No contact, no explanation – nothing. He'd read all about this reaction to life after cancer, the need to start fresh and live a life she so craved throughout those terrible months, he just never dreamed it wouldn't include him.

Beth glared at Bella as she opened the door "Hi Mrs James, erm I'd really just like to check on Charles if that's okay?" Beth hesitated "Did Molly send you to ease her guilt?" Bella shook her head "No she didn't. I just wanted to see him; I'm not really sure why to be honest. I just feel the need too"

Beth sighed "She has broken his heart Bella" hearing those words made it sting even more "I know she has, I can only apologise – I feel like I don't know her anymore myself" Beth led her to the sitting room. She'd never seen him look so dishevelled. She sat down next to him "Charlie boy" he stare was icy as he looked back at her "What can I do for you?"

She didn't know where to start "I'm so sorry. I really am" His usually expressive chocolate brown eyes seemed vacant "Nothing for you to be sorry for is there?" She was grateful for the distraction of the tea Beth pushed towards her before leaving them to it "How's the recovery going?" he shrugged his shoulders "You know you can ring me Charles, anytime. For anything okay"

He whipped his head round to face her "Thanks Bella but unless Molly is coming back, then I need to have as little to do with anyone concerning her as possible. Please tell her from me that I'm waiting for her to work through whatever this is, but I won't wait forever."

* * *

 **Ahhh you guys know I love and bit of will they/won't they angsnt before we get to the good stuff. Molly is a naughty girl at the moment isn't she? I hope you've enjoyed - let me know! x S x**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter - please keep them coming! Molly has really got you all riled up and i completely agree - who would walk away from CJ? **Not me** lol x S x**

* * *

"I'm happy with your progress Miss Dawes. The transplant was a success, you are in remission" tears trickled down her cheeks as the doctor spoke; this is what she'd been waiting for. She had a pretty good idea that things had been successful, the fact she felt so good had suggested that but there was a bittersweet feeling, He wasn't by her side and he should have been.

Tom threw his arms around her "We've done it Mol, we've beat it" she gave him a small smile "You could look a bit happier?" Bella rolled her eyes "Give her some breathing space will you, let her take it all in" He wrapped his arm around her neck, possessive rather than protective. Charles' arms always made her feel safe and loved, he made her whole body tingle just by touching her - she missed it.

Molly removed his arm; forcefully he thought and linked her arm through Bella's. "Thanks Bel. He's bleedin' smothering me, I can't stand it" Bella snorted a sarcastic laugh "Yeah well you know how I feel about him and what you did to Charles, it's awful Mol, you need to make it right"

Molly tried to push away the guilt from her chest "Do you think he's been alright? With his leg and stuff?" Bella nodded "He's been doing okay, I've kept my eye on things" Molly raised an eyebrow "How is he really?" She wanted to hear he was fine, that he'd moved on and was happy and healthy but she knew in her heart this wasn't the case.

"How do you think he is Mol? You broke his heart when he needed you. I didn't want to say much but I visited a few times, and I helped him out a bit when his mum had to go away" Molly's jaw swung open "Don't look at me like that either, he weren't happy about it trust me but it's the least I could do ain't it when my sister left him high, dry and crippled. It ain't fair Molly"

Molly laughed "I thought you was my sister, your meant to be on my side not his" Bella elbowed her "I'm always on your side, you know that. But you shit on him when he did everything for you, which is why I felt I needed to help in any way I could to clean up your mess. And congratu-fucking-lations! I could cry I'm so relieved this 'mare is over" they held each other tightly "It's really over ain't it Bels?" She nodded "Finally"

"Let's lose this tosser and celebrate like the good old days" They shrieked excitedly, finally they could breathe easy again, finally it was over.

* * *

"Cut it!" Molly's anxious eyes stared through the mirror "Before I change my mind" the hairdresser smiled reassuringly "It will help strengthen it, and its growing back lovely!" She watched the hair fall, Bella always said that a woman who changed her hair was about to change her life, Molly was pretty sure she nicked that quote from somewhere but it felt very fitting of her life right now.

She stroked the photo of happier times, Charles' handsome face stared back at her from her phone screen. The calls and texts had stopped now, his final words were accepting of her decision. But not a day went by that she didn't miss him or regret leaving like she did. Molly Dawes queen of the fuck ups.

"You look beautiful" Tom ran his fingers through her hair "Piss off, I don't remember telling you that you could touch me"

"Look Molly, you've changed.." she cut him short "I've really fucked up Tom. I've lost the best thing to ever happen to me, the best man I've ever met"

He cupped her cheek "You've got me now" "I can't see you anymore Tom. I'm grateful for everything, you were a mate when I needed one the most but I can't be without him" he nodded, seemingly accepting of her decision "Good luck Molly, be happy" he planted a kiss on her lips "You know where I am if you change your mind" her heart broke a little as he walked away. The last reminder was gone.

* * *

Molly pulled at the hem of her dress; it had been so long since she's got tarted up as Nan had put it, it felt alien to her. The liquid Dutch courage slid nicely down her throat when she caught sight of the unmistakable glossy locks of Georgie Lane across the bar. She was everything Molly felt like she wasn't anymore - Glamorous and beautiful, young and carefree.

Georgie shifted uncomfortably when Molly approached "Molly, so lovely to see you out and about" her tone was false, she'd chosen her side. Molly responded with an equally fake smile "Look I just wanted you to know that I am sorry about Charlie" Georgie cleared her throat, constantly checking over her shoulder "Now's not really the best time. Why don't we meet up for a coffee somtime?"

Elvis' tanned arm appeared around her waist "what's keeping you gorgeous?" His face was full of contempt when he spotted her "Well well well It's the runaway bride" Molly felt the heat rising in her cheeks "Where's your new bloke then? Let's have a look at him coz I bet he's not a patch on Charlie" Georgie placed a calming hand on his chest "Just leave it, it's not our business"

"Oh but Georgie it is my business. It's very much my business and yours in fact. We've been the ones picking up the pieces, the ones who've been there for him. The ones doing the duty of his partner and helping him recover"

Molly swallowed hard "I'm sorry" "For which bit Molly? Leaving him a note? Posting your ring through the door when he was in the middle of a gruelling physio session? Ignoring his calls like he doesn't exist? Which bit exactly? He's doing okay if you was wondering, if it's the last thing I do, I'll make sure he's back on his feet so he can move on to someone who's worthy of him"

"Right that's enough big mouth" Bella butted in "You've said your bit now piss off" Molly choked back tears as she tuned out of their exchange. And then she saw him. Her body moved automatically in his direction, like autopilot. She took him in for a moment as he sipped a beer, more handsome than ever. A hand appeared on the small of his back, her eyes followed it back to its owner - Captain Juliette Mayes. Everyone knew her. The offending hand stayed there as she ushered him into the comfort of the round seating area.

His eyes met hers and they held each other's gaze before Juliette began to whisper into his ear, the loud music making conversation impossible. When he searched for her she'd gone, he couldn't be sure he'd even really seen her. Her hair was different and she looked like she'd put on much of the weight she'd lost. And she was the most beautiful girl in the bar.

"Excuse me Juliette could you let me by?" He'd abandoned the crutch he still needed to support him, hot footing it as quickly as his leg would allow to find her. He winced in pain, bending to rub away the dull throb, his punishment for forgoing his crutch.

"You've always been a numpty when it comes to that leg"

He stared at her blankly, not sure what he wanted to achieve from this now. He had nothing to say.

He leaned against the exit for support "Do you need a hand?" Her hand moved automatically to his arm, he was in pain that much was obvious "Let me get you back inside"

"I don't need anything from you Molly. I've managed all these weeks without you" His thumb wanted to trace the lines of her full lips, he needed to pull her close, take in her smell and tell her she had never looked so beautiful. He was conflicted, his heart and his head weren't on the same page as his mouth.

"I'm sorry Charles. I hope you can forgive me one day" he watched her walk away. Again and again she did it to him. "How's Tom?" He called after her, the familiar burn of jealousy filling his insides but she didn't respond, she didn't even turn back "I'm not worth fighting for then Molly?" He shouted, his voice ready to break with emotion, he was fully aware of the scene he was causing "Have I always meant nothing to you?" His voice grew louder as the protective arm of Georgie found its way around his middle "Come on boss man, let's get you home"

She was sure he wanted to cry, Molly was the undoing of him, his Achilles heel. He slid his arm inside his crutch and walked ahead of them. Georgie eyes burning in his back as she watched him limp "All that fucking work undone" she muttered to Elvis "I think that's the least of his worries George, Molly fucking Dawes I could kill her"

* * *

"I haven't got long Mol. Elvis will wonder where I've got too" Georgie gave her a sympathetic smile "Is he alright? I didn't mean for him to get upset. I thought the best thing to do was walk away, I knew he couldn't follow so it was for the best. Wasn't it?"

Georgie shook her head "I think it's the problem if I'm honest, the walking away. The lack of an explanation, he needs closure if this is the end and he's never going to get that when you won't give him answers" Molly stared into her tea "I made a mistake, I thought I wanted this crazy life I was missing out on but when I was sitting there and the doctor was telling me I'd be fine, none of it felt right. Nothing feels right without him, I want to be his wife. I don't want some mental drunk weekend, I want to be settled at home with him and I've blown it"

"I honestly don't know what to say Mol. He's so hurt, like really hurt and he's needed you. We've tried our best to be there, but it wasn't us he wanted or needed it was you. I want you to take some time to make sure that he's really what you want before I give you any kind of help to get back into his life. I'm willing to do that if I know you mean it this time, no more freak outs. I know you've had a hard time but your illness can't be a permanent excuse to shit on those you love. Especially not him, he doesn't deserve it. He's off to Headley; I think you should let him get himself sorted first"

Molly sighed "Okay. Can I ask one more thing? Juliette?" Georgie chuckled "Juliette is my mate, and they go way back. He's not on the rebound Molly, you should know him better than that" she squeezed Molly's shoulder "Get your head right and call me"

She necked her tea as Georgie sashayed away, whatever confidence Georgie had, Molly wanted some. She pressed her phone; his smiling face stared back at her. How could she wait until after Headley? She wanted him now; she needed to make up for last time. It had to be big, really big.

* * *

Georgie slipped unnoticed back into the flat, he barely noticed as she came and went, he was too miserable. Even more miserable than when she'd left. "Leg up boss, I told you you'd pay the price for that display last night" she chucked a box of painkillers at him "They should do they trick"

"I thought you were making the pills yourself you were gone so long" she rolled her eyes as Elvis dried off his half naked body, fresh from the shower "bumped into a mate, stopped for a coffee" Elvis raised an eyebrow "Get them down your neck mate then we'll head out for the rugby, got to send you off with a bang - last Headley stint and all that. We're celebrating" Georgie rolled her eyes "Remember he's injured before you go tipping bottles down his throat"

Charles cleared throat "I am here guys" Georgie giggled "Sorry boss, you know me - ever the Medic. And if I don't make sure you get better this time round it will only end up being my problem on tour. So be quiet and take the pills" he saluted "yes Lance Corporal"

* * *

"Are you sure you'll be alright boss?" He rolled his eyes "For the 20th time Lane, yes I will be fine. Go and enjoy yourselves. Stop worrying about me" He'd decided against a bender with Elvis, starting at Headley with a hangover was the last thing he needed.

Elvis took the opportunity to wind him up further, roughing his unruly curls the same way he did to Sam "Piss off Harte before I put you on a charge" Elvis chuckled "You wish Captain. Take it easy mate, see you in a few hours"

Charles settled himself down, pizza, beer and a movie for 1 had become the new thing since she'd left. He debated answering the ringing doorbell; one of them always forgot their keys - usually Elvis. Georgie was never far behind him to save Charles' legs.

I'm persistent ringing grated on him "Fuck sake Elvis, I'm going to stick those keys where the sun don't..."

She was met with raised eyebrows, one of her favourite mannerisms of his "Molly" he was confused by her, she'd walked away again last night yet here she was, ready to mess with his head and heart once more "Charlie"

"Charles" he corrected her, taking away the little things was one of his only defences "Whatever. Can I come in?" He hesitated "well what do you want?"

She sighed "We need to talk and you need to sit, so can we take it inside?" He lifted his arm for her to enter; inwardly he smiled as her slight height moved effortlessly underneath him.

She watched him as he limped "You're doing better" again he raised his eyebrows "well it's been awhile since you left so I would hope so. What do you want Molly?" Instinctively she moved towards him, every part of her wanted to help him "I'm fine, it's worse today than usual because I decided to hotfoot it after someone who doesn't give a shit about me" his words stung "Charles. I.."

"You what Molly? You feel guilty? You're sorry? I don't really care for all of that. You left me, for someone else, you left me and for that I can never forgive you. I was understanding of how you felt, I got it and I let things slide but you took it a step too far. Did you fuck him?" His question startled her "Of course I didn't, it was never like that. I was always faithful to you" he laughed "maybe with your body, but not in here" he pointed to his head and his heart "you gave those away to someone else the minute you forgot about me Molly, the minute you stopped answering my texts and calls, when you chose him over me. You gave them to him"

She climbed to her feet "We're getting nowhere here so I'm gonna go, I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry, that's what I came to say. I really hope that Headley gets you back on your feet, you deserve it" she walked towards the front door "There's no fight in you Molly, am I not worth it?" She turned to face him "Do you still want me? Can you forgive what I did?" His mouthed formed into the familiar O shape that always made her want to kiss away whatever was on his mind "I'm not sure I can forgive being made to feel emasculated, being second best to another man" she nodded her head "Well then no, I have no fight if you've lost yours. Take care Charles"

It didn't hurt him as much this time. He was used to her lack of commitment and the fact that she didn't do well in confrontation, well confrontation with him anyway. He was used to her walking away and each time it hurt a little less.

* * *

 **She just can't help herself can she? Grow a pair and fight for your man Dawsey!**


	19. Chapter 19

**I had this chapter ready to post on Wednesday but I was a bit put off by a PM I received about the timing of illness' and injuries ect within this story. Part of the current story here, one of the important bits is how Molly ditched CJ when he needed her most. His injuries are relevant to the storyline! Something I've also tried to do with both of my stories so far is emphasize exactly what our soldiers go through whilst recovering from injuries they recieve on the battlefield. It's not straight forward as TV likes to portray unfortunately - I speak from personal experience as the girlfriend of an ex-soldier who experienced horrific injuries. We didn't get there overnight and I feel I would be doing a disservice to him and others who have suffered if I wrote as if they heal overnight. I hate to rant here and I'll probably regret and delete it later but I feel that sometimes peoples PM's cross a line. Sorry again for the life story/rant but I feel I had to say it - x S x**

* * *

"I told you to wait Molly, his heads all over the place. He needs to go to Headley without any of this shit in his head and all you've done is mess with him again" Georgie scolded. "I needed to see him George"

Georgie sighed "What about what he needs? You can't see beyond the end of your own nose Molly, he doesn't need this. Listen to me please, leave him to get on with his rehab and I'll lay the ground work with both him and Elvis. Elvis is fucking fuming and I can completely understand why. If you don't listen to me then you stand no chance of this working okay?" Molly nodded "Okay, Okay. Look after him for me won't you?"

"What do think I've been doing all this time?" Bella had to hand it to Georgie, she had a way of telling Molly how it is without the blow up that would follow if anyone else tried to do the same. She'd help Molly hatch her elaborate plan 'Operation win Charlie back' she called it. But they needed Georgie's help to execute it.

"He's scheduled for a few weeks stay so god help you if I find out in that time you've contacted him"

Bella laughed as Georgie strutted out of the coffee shop, mimicking her walk after she's left.

"I like her, she don't take your shit"

Molly chose to ignore her, impatient at the thought of waiting for Georgie to give the go ahead.

She'd planned every detail, What with not sleeping since their exchange she'd had plenty of time on her hands. Its need to be a big gesture, she needed him to know exactly how special he was to her.

* * *

Georgie words ticked over in her head as she strolled through the grounds of Headley, she had to see him. She'd heard from the Georgie grape vine that he was struggling. She'd unsettled him and his head wasn't in it.

She watched from a distance as he walked with Sam, his own perfect mini me. Her heart ached for the time they'd missed, how much she should have been there for him during these weeks of recovery and rehab. The sight of Rebecca relaxing elegantly on a picnic blanket was a dagger to her heart. She swished her perfect sheet of ice blonde hair and she climbed to her feet, offering her hand to help him sit down beside Sam. A picture perfect family.

He could just about make her out in the distance as she turned on her heels, typical Molly Dawes. His heart dropped, maybe it was time to concentrate on what was in front of him – his little boy who worshipped the ground he walked on.

She pulled up outside the tatty maisonette which she called home again. Both hands gripped the steering wheel as she tried to make sense of her own feelings. Belinda tapped on the window "Christ mum, you nearly gave me a Julius" Belinda chuckled "You really are your dads daughter" "Eurgh" Molly screwed her face up "Behave Mol, he weren't always the lazy fat tosser he is these days" They couldn't help but chuckle despite the hint of sadness in Belinda's eyes.

"Did you ever have doubts mum? You know in the early days?" Belinda nodded "Of course I did, look at him" they shared another laugh at Dave's expense "I knew I loved him despite his shortcomings when he was the one I'd run too when things got tough. And believe me Mol we've had some hard times but we've stuck together no matter what. It's what you do when you love someone; you stick with it through the good and the bad. It makes the good times even sweeter" Belinda wiped away a tear from her cheek "This is about Charles ain't it?" Molly nodded "I fucked up mum, the going got tough so I got going" Belinda squeezed her hand "And now you regret it?" She didn't need to answer, it was written all over her face. "Let him know how you feel and that you're sorry and then give him time and have the grace to accept his decision even if it's not the one you want. Now let's get inside, I've got your dads cans in this bag and I'll throttle him if I get one more call asking where I am". She simply had to wait out like Georgie said, she trusted her and her judgement of the situation, so wait out she would.

* * *

"Nice to see you back on two feet boss" he chuckled at Georgie as he lowered himself into the car "Where's Elvis? Cried off has he?"

"No actually, he's organised a surprise for you. You know what he's like for your man dates, he's missed you at home so now your discharged he wanted to make the most of you before you go back to Bath" Charles laughed "There's three of us in this relationship" Georgie threw her head back in hysterical laughter "Yes there is and I'm the third wheel"

Georgie was good for Elvis; she instilled morals in him that weren't present before. They'd been good to him since Molly left him high and dry. He hadn't realised how lonely his career had made him until he needed people around.

They pulled up the familiar grounds of the scenic mansion house that they'd visited so many times for those group sessions, the sessions that changed everything. "Is this his idea of a joke? I don't need to come back here" Georgie laughed "Hold your horses will you" she drove as close as she could to the entrance to the gardens. The trees and the flowers had been a talking point for him and Molly in the early days; he'd even taken her back for a picnic by the pond. "He's not here at all is he Georgie?" She shook her head "Don't kill me" he closed his eyes, sinking himself back into the seat "Molly?" She smiled cheekily at him "You'll have to go see won't you. Go easy as well the ground is bumpy and well I don't trust you not to bloody fall over" he leaned forward to plant a kiss on her cheek "I don't know what you're both up too. But thank you"

He made his way down the pathway, today had started off well. He'd been discharged ready for outpatient rehab; Beck was finally pleased with his progress and he'd seen significant improvement in his foot. He now only had a slight limp, barely noticeable Georgie had reassured although he knew she was just trying to make him feel less self conscious. But now he feared the woman that he loved so much was set to break him once again.

Butterflies filled her stomach as she fussed with all the finer details. Straightening the blanket and pulling it closer to the bench in case he still had trouble getting down on the ground.

She rose to her feet as he approached, happy to see him walking finally. She walked towards him, taking in his beauty. From his chiseled jaw to his deep brown eyes that were filled with so much emotion.

"Charlie" her voice broke as she spoke his name "Molly. This is a surprise" she wanted desperately to take his hand in hers "I needed to see you. Been wondering how you are"

He lowered himself onto the blanket "Shall we have a drink then?" He could see she was visibly nervous; her hands shook as she poured them both a glass of wine "Should you be drinking?" He raised an eyebrow "Well yeah I can. That's what I wanted to tell you - I got the all clear. I'm in remission" His eyes filled with tears "That's fantastic new Molly. I'm really happy for you" she moved herself closer towards him, her hand settling into his thigh "When I got the news, the first person I wanted to share it with was you. And you weren't there and that was my fault, I already knew before I'd made a mistake but it really hit me at that moment that I let go of the person I love the most in this world" he didn't respond "I'm sorry Charles, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I destroyed what we had. Can you forgive me?" He bit his lip "I think I can agree to work on it. But I have a condition"

"Tom is already long gone. I'm sorry I made you feel second best, I was fragged that's the only way I can describe it, completely fragged and stupid and immature" she took a swig is her wine "What I wanted to ask you, the main reason for all this - will you marry me?" He stared back at her in disbelief "I love you Charles. Please marry me?"

"Say something?" She pleaded. She looked tiny and fragile and vulnerable at that moment "Molly it doesn't work like that. There is a lot of water under the bridge, a lot of hurt. I'm not sure I trust you" it pained him to see her cry "I've never stopped loving you, I know that much. I hoped from day one that you'd come back to me, you've taken a little longer than I anticipated though" he picked up her hand; he couldn't resist the urge the rub his thumb across her soft skin "Don't cry, please"

Her sea green eyes were pleading with him "I get it. I'll do whatever it takes" he brought her hand to his mouth to kiss it "This is a lovely start, thank you. Although no more wine for you if you're driving"

He ran his fingers through her shorter hair "I like it, it suits you" her body responded to his touch, a tingling heat ran through her "So tell me about you? You've been discharged?" He nodded, swigging his wine and his hand automatically linking with hers "Yes, discharged and ready to keep working hard as an outpatient. We did it Molly, we've overcome so much. I'm just sad we didn't do all of it together"

Tears filled her eyes once again "I'll never forgive myself" He shushed her "You will. It's is what it is now and while I can't pretend that I feel okay about it, I understand, sort of. I try too anyway" she smiled at him. He was here and that was a good start.

Hours passed as they caught up with each other, they'd missed so much of each other's lives.

"I'm getting sore Mol, I should probably head home" she helped him to his feet "This has been amazing, being here with you. All of it! I've missed you so much. Thank you for giving me the chance"

He swallowed hard, conflicted in his own head and heart. He brushed back a stray curl, she really was beautiful "My head says this is wrong but my heart has never been able to let you go Molly" she pushed her body into his "I don't want you to go" her voice was small "Well I'll have to be very ungentlemanly and ask you for a lift back to Elvis' if you don't have any further plans" she shook her head "my plan was to never leave you side again"

He sat down on the bench head in hands "Charles? Are you alright? Is it your leg?"

"I just can't get my head around this, I'm trying but it's hard. One minute you want me then you don't, what am I supposed to make of this? Am I really meant to forget that you left me as soon as the going got tough for me? Relationships are a two way street, and you took and took from me and gave me nothing when I needed you most"

She closed her eyes attempting to block the tears from flowing "I'm sorry. I was an idiot if I thought we'd walk away from here today back together. I understand you need time and I'll give it to you. Let me get you home then, we don't want Elvis killing me now do we" She held out her hand which he took gratefully "The limp is back" he sighed "Your tired that's all, and sitting on the floor won't have help. Plenty of rest and you'll be alright tomorrow" he smiled to himself "Ever the medic Dawes" his laced his fingers between hers as they walked. It was almost as if all these months apart had never happened until he allowed thoughts about the massive hole she left in his heart to creep into his head.

* * *

"Would you like to come up?" He couldn't escape the way she was looking at him, her eyes so full of love. "I'd better not, Elvis ain't exactly my number one fan is he" they both laughed "You've got to give him credit for his passion" she smiled back at him "If that's what you wanna call it then you crack on mate. Be careful won't you, with the stairs and that" he took her hand in his, gently kissing her knuckles "Stop worrying, I'm not fragile - I won't break"

She sighed "Yeah well I wasn't around to care when I shoulda been. So let me do it now yeah?" He kissed her cheek, resisting the urge to move down to her perfect lips even though he knew how much they both wanted him to "Thanks for today"

She watched him walk away, pleased with the progress they'd made even if he did refuse her proposal, she couldn't pretend it didn't hurt a little but she was okay with that, she'd hurt him beyond belief. She would win him round in time.

* * *

Tom sat patiently on the stairwell waiting; she'd have to face him eventually. His heart pounded as he watched her car pull in to its usual space outside the maisonette. She couldn't just send him away like she did, he wouldn't have it. "You might catch something sitting there" he smiled to himself, same old Molly "I didn't know how else to reach you, you've blocked me" she rolled her eyes "maybe you should take the hint then"

He climbed to his feet, following her as she made her way passed him "Look Tom it was fun while it lasted but I told you already, if I want Charles back then I need to end our friendship. I'm sorry I know it's harsh but it's what I have to do"

Bella rolled her eyes as she watched their exchange from the balcony "Fuck sake, you still knocking about?" Molly met her with pleading eyes "Help me" she mouthed as she pushed passed into the front door "Look Tom, I don't know how many times she needs to tell you to sod off so I'm gonna do it myself this time - do one! I know it's harsh and you were a good mate and all that, but lines were crossed and she wants her bloke back. You need to piss off before I get a few of the lads from down The Earl to come and make sure you really get the message"

"Bit much Bel" Molly called through the window "Shut it you" Tom rocked back and forth on his heels, agitated beyond belief "She's seen him then? Does he know we kissed in his house?" Molly startled him as she shot through the front door "Listen you, you kissed me and it was a mistake. I never kissed you back, never gave you the come on. We were only ever just mates"

He laughed "Is that so Molly? You keep telling yourself that. And wish your Captain well for me, I'm glad to see he's mending nicely. Be a shame for anything to get in the way of that wouldn't it"

The old Molly Dawes, pre army was threatening to make reappearance as she balled her fist in response to him "Are you threatening him? Because if you are then god help you" he laughed as he walked away "Suppose you'll have to wait and see won't you. See you around"


	20. Chapter 20

**I just wanted to say thank you for all your reviews and messages regarding the little inbox troll! You really are a lovely bunch! Have a lovely weekend all, here is a little extra CJ & Molly fix to show my appreciation x S x**

* * *

Sweat poured off him as he awoke from another nightmare. 1am on a Saturday Morning, most people his age were still out socialising, he was stuck at home in a compression stocking dreaming of being shot and dying.

He was glad of Georgia's and Elvis' absence as he made his way to the fridge, necking a cold bottle of beer in one. Georgie watched him like a hawk, especially when he was limping at the end of the day.

 _"Are you awake?"_

He pinged off a text without much thought to the time, they'd been talking a lot in the last few days. She was a comfort like she always had been, but still that hole was hurting. The hole she left him with.

 _"I am now. Are you ok? X"_

 _"Bad dream, achy leg - the usual"_

Molly was out of her bunk and into her trainers before she'd even thought about what she was about to do.

* * *

"Open up, it's me" he almost hopped to the door in excitement "Fucking hell Dawes, why are you putting yourself in danger coming out at this hour?" She tip toed to plant a kiss on his cheek "Nice to see you too Captain Stern face"

"Sorry. It's just not safe out there at this time" she took him by the hand, leading him to the sofa "Sit" he did as he was told as she fussed with the footstool and cushions "Beer ain't gonna help is it?" He rolled his eyes "I could of told you the same thing when I found you necking shots on my mother's antique rug whilst recovering from a bone marrow transplant" she chose to take his sarky remarks on the chin, after all she deserved it.

"Your foot feels very hot, are you taking all your tablets?" He nodded "Yeah, well when I remember" she sighed "You're not looking after yourself Charles, do you want to end up back in hospital?" He shrugged his shoulders "Would you care?" His words were like a dagger to her chest "I always cared. I may not have done the best job of showing it, but I've always cared" he winced as he pulled his foot from her touch "This wasn't a good idea. You should go, nothing's changed"

She bit her lip, ignoring the fact he'd asked her to leave "Why don't you get some sleep. Once you've settled I'll go, but for now I wanna keep my eye on you"

She placed her hand protectively on his back as he limped to the bedroom. "Get comfy, I'll get you some fresh water" she made a point of counting his tablets against his prescription, he really wasn't taking proper care of himself. She counted out what he was overdue "Take these" he swallowed back the pills "I don't sleep properly without you" he whispered as she climbed onto the bed next to him "Lucky for you I'm right here then ain't it" she pulled his head into her chest, stroking her fingers through his curls as she watched his eyes fight sleep "It's okay, just sleep. I'm here" he slipped straight into the same nightmare as she wiped away the beads I'd swear "It's okay, I'm here" he held her tightly as she fought to wake him from his sleep "Charlie" his needy eyes met hers "It's okay" he didn't say anything, just held her.

He was confused by his conflicted emotions. He was still so angry and hurt by her but equally he knew he needed her, knew he still loved her with every fibre of his being and he wanted her back with him. What was he supposed to do now? Take her back like nothing had happened? How would she learn that she absolutely could not do this to him again if he took her back just like that?

* * *

Elvis woke to the sound of beer bottles clinking as Molly cleared away the evidence of Charles' struggle.

"Don't remember saying you were welcome back here" he bit at her "Don't remember giving a shit" she spat "How much has he been drinking?" Elvis rolled his eyes "If you'd been around you'd have been able to keep a lid on it wouldn't you. He's drinking to help him sleep but again, you wouldn't know any of that"

"Just shut it Elvis. Just shut it. Everyone is well aware of what everyone did and didn't do. Leave it yeah?" Molly gave Georgie an appreciative smile, thankful she'd put Elvis back in his box.

She could see through the gap in the door that he was up now; it was unlike him to sleep late no matter how little sleep he'd had. Molly started to fear that this was something a bit deeper than nightmares. "Morning you" she tried to sound as cheerful as possible as she handed him his coffee "Your still here then?" She decided to let his comment pass, if he was in the mood to argue it wouldn't be with her. "What's on the agenda today then?" He shrugged his shoulders "Meant to be seeing Beck this afternoon"

She helped him into his protecting strapping "I can take you if you like?" He nodded "I'd like that"

"Do you think you'd like to come home with me? I mean I know it's cramped and it's not ideal but Bella is going on holiday with her mates for two weeks, you could have my bottom bunk and I'd be around when you needed me. At night time and that"

He took her hand in his "I couldn't put myself on your family Molly but thank you. After I've seen Beck I'm heading back to Bath for a bit" her heart sank "Oh" he gazed round at the bow tidy bedroom "You didn't need to do this" she sat down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder "I did Charles. And I want you to promise me that today you'll speak to Beck about getting some help with the nightmares. You can't go on drinking. It's not like you" he let out a small sarcastic chuckle "I'm not sure you know the real me, if you did you'd never have left" there it was again, The elephant in the room.

"I do know you, thank you very much and I happen to know that Charles James doesn't need a drink to do anything. So it ends here. I'm coming to Bath until you mum is home and she can throw me out but until then, you're stuck with me"

He crossed the room in three strides, all doubt and hesitation left him as he pulled her close, crashing his lips against hers with urgency. His tongue worked its way into her mouth, as her body gave into his as she wound her fingers into his hair.

They kissed until neither of them could breath, breaking only for air, never losing eye contact. Finally he saw honesty and passion there "Do you love me?" She nodded as she nestled into his chest "More than anything" he lifted her to straddle him, carrying her to bed. She was what he had needed, he was yearning for her. He was gentle and he was loving, nothing like she'd been used too before. Artan would have taken it out on her in the bedroom, made sure it hurt but this wasn't just sex, it was love.

* * *

They strolled hand in hand through the streets of Bath. They really were charming she thought worlds apart from East Ham. "It really is perfect here ain't it" she mused, he chuckled "It is. But it's not like you haven't seen it before" he raised a questioning eyebrow "I see it differently now, I see everything differently. You know, without the death sentence hanging over me" he squeezed her hand before bringing it to his lips to kiss "Well then I guess I should start looking through renewed eyes too. I want us to forget all the bad stuff, we start fresh from today" she smiled to herself "I'd love that".

His mood had continued to improve as the day went on. Beck was pleased with him and looking forward to his return to Barracks in light duties within the next few weeks, something Molly was born dreading and jealous of, she was ready to get back to army life. They just weren't ready to take her back.

"How about we have an early dinner and then an early night?" He winked, leading her into his favourite restaurant. The constant missed calls on her phone had her on edge; she'd even changed her number. It was obvious she needed to tell Charles, but he was unpredictable in his moods and he was tired and edgy and sore, he didn't need this. After all she was a trained killer; she could handle a little prannet like Tom.

"Is there something wrong with you food? Only you've been pushing around the same forkful for some time now" He dragged her away from her deep thoughts as the phone vibrated non stop against her thigh "No, everything is fine" he took her word for it, she'd tell him when she was ready.

She became more and more paranoid as they strolled slowly back to Royal Crescent, he was an easy target she thought, and he couldn't exactly run if Tom did intend to hurt him. Her mind was running away with her. "You getting very limpy, should we call a cab?" he tightened his arm around her shoulders "I'm okay, stop worrying. Is that why you're so quiet?" she nodded "I worry about you that's all" he kissed the top of her head "Walking is good for me, extra rehab – they'll be pleased" she tightened her grip around his waist "Just be careful, I couldn't stand it if something else happened to you".


	21. Chapter 21

**Still feeling a little anxious about posting but hey ho - here's the usual Wednesday update. Hope you enjoy! x S x**

* * *

Charles couldn't help but notice how tense she was, she checked her phone constantly, kept peering out the windows and drawing the blinds then checking her phone once more "Is there something going on I should know about?" He appeared behind her, planting kisses down the side of her neck "No, nothing's going on. Do you want a massage? It's been a busy day, you must be sore" he followed her to the bedroom where she closed the curtains "Molly, talk to me. What is it?" She took a deep breathe "It's Tom" he immediately back off "No it's not like that. He turned up at mine, Bella was there too. He threatened you because I told him I wanted you back and our friendship was over. I'm really scared Charles, I'm scared he's going to hurt you"

He let out a laugh "Molly, really? He's a silly little boy with a crush and a big ego. He's not going to do anything. And besides, I may have a limp but I'm not completely useless, I'm more than able to protect myself... and you, being the trained killer that I am" he winked at her reassuringly as she wrapped her arms around his solid torso, glad to be back in the safety of his arms "I love you" she whispered. He held her close, the thought of anyone hurting her made his blood boil "I love you too. Now Medic, how about that massage?"

* * *

The weeks had passed in a flash. Her stomach turned as she helped him into his strapping, she didn't think he was ready to go back to Barracks. He was still having nightmares although they were less dramatic these days and she found it easier to pull him out of them. And the limp, he couldn't really do much throughout the day before it became heavier and heavier and he had to retreat to the sofa.

"Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" He smiled at her through the mirror as he tidied his hair; he was more than ready to be back in uniform. "Absolutely! I'm on light duties for the foreseeable and I'm doing phased hours until I'm settled. Beck has been kind to me; I can take it as slow as I need too. I've missed my lads, let's hope they've been behaving themselves" she admired him, after everything he'd been through whilst in that uniform, here he was standing proud, ready to start again "I'm proud of you Charlie"

He pulled her into his arms "As I am of you. Now if the offer still stands, I'd love a lift in"

Her heart pounded as she pulled up to park "You will be careful won't you? And call me when you're ready to come home? Rest if it gets too much, remember what the physio said" he saluted "Yes medic, relax please. Enjoy your day of peace" He kissed her hard, slightly nervous within himself but he could do this, he was ready.

* * *

Charles was overly conscious of the car that followed as she pulled away from the barracks. Had it been tailing them? He hadn't noticed it until its engine roared to life just seconds after Molly's. He waved her off, completely paranoid he thought.

It felt strange to be back to a place he doubted he'd see again. Nothing had changed, the same faces greeted him kindly as he made his way through the corridors, they were pleased to see him at least - he hoped two section would feel the same. He pulled out his phone; something still niggled in the back of his mind as he counted down the minutes until Molly would likely reach home.

 _"Let me know you've made it back okay?"_

She replied with a smiley face and assured him she was fine. His mind was playing tricks he decided. He wouldn't give in to a silly threat from a kid; he wouldn't allow it to become another thing that played on his mind.

* * *

The sound of effing and blinding and the smell of something suspicious aroused his interest as he limped through the door. He followed his nose through to the kitchen; she was turning the air blue as she prodded a dish of something. He watched her with a smirk, thoroughly amused - a cook she was not.

"Problem Molly?" He chuckled as she jumped out of her skin "Jesus Charlie you nearly gave me a Julius" he laughed, moving forward to check the suspicious looking contents of his mother's best dish "What is _that_?" He raised an eyebrow. She could only laugh "It _was_ a shepherd's pie" he placed his hand on her shoulders, burying his face in her hair "Start small ey Dawsey" he took in her smell, he hadn't worked a long day but he'd missed her immensely "Take away?" He offered "Yeah unless you wanna risk life and guts on this thing" she flicked on the coffee machine "So how was it? How are you feeling? And why didn't you ring for a lift?" She pulled out a chair, Conscious of him favouring his good leg "Sit down you" she pulled off his boots, taking care not to jar his bad foot "It's a little swollen. You need to get it up asap" he pulled her between his legs "I've got other plans for us right now. I've missed you so much" he nuzzled his face into her belly as his hands appreciated every curve of her "You are so beautiful" he groaned.

Her body responded instantly "Well Captain, I think we should get you to bed don't you?" He raised an eyebrow "Purely for medical reasons, obviously" she winked, pulling him to his feet. He leaned heavily on her "Lead the way nurse"

He marvelled at her sleeping form, stroking back stray strands of hair. He couldn't imagine being without her ever again, it had hurt too much. She rolled into his warm body, stirred by hunger. "What you staring at soppy?" he leaned forward to kiss her "You! I'm staring at you. I can't believe I almost lost you...twice" She cupped his cheek "Never again. I promise" she sound of her phone vibrating in the drawer made her anxious "Give me the phone Molly" she shook her head "No leave it. I'm gonna get a new number again tomorrow" he wondered if he should mention the car but decided against it. He would keep his eyes peeled next time; it wasn't worth adding to her anxiety.

"I'm going to start driving myself to and from the barracks, save you the trouble" she kissed his nose before rummaging for a take away menu "It's no trouble, I enjoyed the extra time with you. And I don't think that leg is ready for driving. You can barely walk by the end of the day" she was right but he needed to minimise any risk to her "its fine. My car is automatic" she didn't think much more of it; he would do what he wanted despite her protests. She checked her phone - 17 missed calls, 9 texts messages and 4 voicemails. Tom really wasn't taking the hint. She regretted letting him into so much of her life, he knew everything - Where Charles lives, where her parents lived, absolutely everything.

"Maybe I should speak to Elvis about this situation? See what he suggests? Short of going to the police which you won't do, I don't know how else I can keep you safe" he sighed "It's not me I'm worried about, it's you. He threatened you" Charles laughed "There is nothing he can do to me don't you worry about that. Just be extra vigilant, and please consider the police again. They can do more than you think".

* * *

They had a quiet few days on the Tom front. She'd changed her number and the car tails he'd brushed off as paranoia.

The appearance of Elvis to barracks was always welcome as far as Charles was concerned. He shared his fears for Molly, and although he wasn't met with much sympathy. But he knew his friend would never allow any harm to come to her. He climbed into his Range Rover, pulling the ring box from his pocket for one last check. He wanted to make things official again; he wanted her to know how much she meant to him. He added two tiny stones to the inside of the ring, to represent almost losing each other and a reminder that it was just a blip in their story.

He fired up the engine, conscious of the engine roaring to life behind him. "Paranoia" he reminded himself "He wouldn't be that stupid" he was going home to propose to his lady on her the eve of her birthday and nothing would get in his way.

He pulled out, eyes on the car behind at all times. It was definitely him this time. He could make him out. He took an alternative route home, keen to make him although he knew there was little point as he knew where he lived. He was startled by his phone ringing, he would never usually answer but he allowed the car Bluetooth to pick it up "Charlie boy, it's Elvis. It seems you've got a certain twat on your tail" he sighed in relief "I'm trying to lose him. Although there doesn't seem much point"

"Drive carefully and go straight home, I'm on his tail, I'll sort this little bugger once and for all" Elvis ended the call. Molly had been right about not being up to driving, searing agony was shooting through his leg as he struggled to maintain a steady pace.

He took a country lane, despite the fact he'd been making their life difficult, he still didn't fancy watching Elvis ruin his career by beating the crap out of a silly kid. He sped up as Tom sat right up his tail, praying his leg would make it home. He startled as Tom started some kind of road race, they'd lost Elvis that was definite. He ignored the incoming call from Molly, focused on driving safely as the Tom drove erratically around him. He had to get there safely; he'd call the police this time. Things were out of hand now.

* * *

"Hello handsome. Did you forget your key? Oh it's you" Elvis pushed passed her "Not the time now Dawes. Where is he? Is he home?"

Molly sensed his panic "He's not Home yet. What's happened?"

"I caught your mate, you know - the one you left Charlie for, tailing him. I lost them on the way but your tosser mate was chasing him"

Elvis felt a bit guilty for digging at her but sod it he thought, she deserved it. She grabbed her keys "There's only two ways he could have gone so if you've come on the main road then I know where he went" she grabbed her car keys and headed for the door.

* * *

The sight of blue flashing lights chilled her to the bone. She pulled the car up a short distance from the emergency services, fumbling to remove her seatbelt "Stay here Dawes. Let me check it out first" she was grateful for Elvis at that moment, she clung to his arm "Elvis it's his car" he nodded "Just wait here yeah. Hopefully worse than it looks"

He approached the police tape "This is my mate's car. Please tell me he's alright" the policeman gave a gentle smile as he noted Elvis' uniform "The soldier is already on route to hospital" the state of the car told Elvis the rest. Things weren't looking good.

"What happened?" The policeman let himself out of the cordon "It looks like he was run off the road by and a second car who got away initially but crashed at another point further up the road. We were able to make an arrest" Elvis breathed a sigh of relief "Honestly mate, how bad's he looking? Only I've got his partner in the car. I'd rather it came from me" the police office swallowed hard "I'd get her there if I were you" Elvis extended his hand "Thank you"

He jumped into the car with urgency "We've got to go Dawes. We've got to get to the hospital".


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you all for the reviews and support with the last chapter - They are very much appreciated! Hope you all have a lovely weekend and enjoy some FF in the sunshine! x S x**

* * *

"Dawes slow down, I can't keep up" she was like a bullet through the corridors of the hospital. She had to get to him. She tried A&E first, that seemed most logical. She came face to face with Tom as she burst through the double doors "I'm sorry Mo..." she'd lifted her fist and planted him one before he even had the chance to finish "How could you?" She screamed "How could you do this to him" he looked down at his feet, obviously injured from the collision. Molly was grateful that the copper who had him under arrest seemed to have turned a blind eye to her. The last thing she needed was to end up in the nick herself.

Elvis panted as he reached her "He's this way Dawes. I just bumped into Beth, she got the call just as she left the airport" Molly followed him; she didn't know whether it was butterflies or sick churning in her stomach at the thought of facing Beth. It would be their first meeting since she'd left him.

She was met by an icy glare "I might have known this would have something to do with you" she cried "All you've ever brought him is heartache and trouble"

Molly didn't say anything. She guessed she was right. This was her fault.

"How is he Beth? What's the damage?" She took a deep breath "Well as you can probably guess his leg couldn't withstand that kind of impact. He's got concussion and some sore ribs but on the whole he's lucky to get off so lightly. Considering the state of the car" Molly swallowed hard "His leg?" Beth shot her a nasty look "Yes his leg. His career is likely finished, he struggled enough to heal as it was and now this. I'll never forgive you Molly. You've ruined his life"

Elvis watched her back away "Don't bolt Dawes, how you deal with this now will show your worth. Don't do it to him again" he held onto her hand "You love him don't you?" She nodded fiercely "Then tough it out, face the music and be there for you fella"

The sight of him being wheel through the corridor sent shivers down her spine. Attached to a spinal board, neck brace and his leg encased in some kind of splint, he looked so fragile. She let out a sob as she followed him, relieved to see him awake and talking.

"It looks more dramatic than it is" he tried to reassure her "Did they get him?" She nodded, silent tears soaking her cheeks "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault" he took her hand "Listen to me, none of this is your fault Molly. This is all precautionary; don't be so frightened, please. I'm glad it was me and not you he went after" she leaned forward, planting gentle kisses all over his face "You'll be alright won't you?"

Beth interrupted them "I think it's time Molly left, permanently" he closed his eyes, this was the last thing he needed "Not the time or the place please mother" she stepped forward, Molly was sure she wanted to man handle her out of there "Charles, she's brought you nothing but trouble. And now you're laid up again thanks to the little idiot she left you for"

He held Molly's hand as tightly as he could "Please don't leave" he whispered "Don't prove her right" he was worried, she could see that much. He was worried she'd return to form and leave when the going gets tough "I'm not going anywhere"

She held his hand as they poked and prodded and did their best to make him comfortable. He was a big bloke yet he looked so fragile as they wheeled him off to X-ray. Molly had never felt so exposed as Beth glared at her, the wait unbearable for both. Elvis had nominated himself as the buffer between the two women in Charles' life and although he hated what Molly had done previously, he felt sorry for her at this moment in time. He squeezed her hand "He'll be okay. He always is" she gave him a weak smile. Not like the Dawsey he knew at all.

She jumped to her feet as they wheeled him back to her. Free off his spinal board and neck brace but the leg was still heavily splinted. How would she live with herself if his career was finished? This was on her. He smiled at her reassuringly "Okay my love?" She nodded; disgusted he was the one comforting her.

Despite then tension, Charles could only laugh at Elvis' attempts to cool his mother down. "So Mrs James, How about we get out of here? Might even let you touch my abs if you're a good girl" she barely cracked a smile as she took Charles' hand in hers "I trust you or Molly will update me on your condition. I presume you want to be left with her?" He nodded "You look tired mum, get some sleep and I'll probably be home before you wake" she have him a kiss, sweeping out of the room without a second glance to Molly.

"I'm sorry about my mother. And I'm sorry that your birthday is ruined" she looked into his guilty brown eyes "You have nothing to be sorry for. This is all my fault, and your mum is right I have ruined your life. My birthday doesn't matter with you laying here like this" he attempted to sit up but the pain was too much, she kissed his wincing face "Just rest. Don't move until we hear the damage"

He knew by the way she was holding his hand she was wrestling with herself, with the urge to run from this and put her head in the sand once again.

"You know Molly, if you thinking of leaving - it would kill me. I can't go through that pain again. On top of this" he gestured to his leg "It's bad isn't it? You've been playing it down?" He nodded "I didn't want mum to panic but yeah it feels bad. Morphine is making is bearable"

"You know, I've always been the same. The fight of flight thing - it's always been flight. I've had a lot to run from in my life" he squeezed her hand "Tell me" she wiped away a stray tear "My old man used to have all kinds round ours, you know when he was drunk and he'd invite them all back from The Earl. We'd normally still be up, we didn't have much structure. Especially us older ones and these blokes, you know they were a bit scary to young girls, they'd get rowdy, sometimes there would be fights or they'd be a bit over friendly and well we'd run away until it was safe to come home. And I've always been the same since, when I need to protect myself, I run. Then you meet blokes like Tom who can't take no for an answer and it reinforces those fears that all men can hurt you. Look what's he's done"

In that moment, so much about Molly made sense to him. "Not all men Molly, You don't ever have to run from me, I love you with all of my heart and I always will and I will spend my life showing you that. Run too me Molly, not from me" she kissed his cheek "You're the best man I've ever met" he smiled "I hope so"

A doctor cleared her throat "Captain I'd like to keep you over night, you've had a substantial knock to the head and your leg needs to be looked at by a surgeon. You have a couple of broken ribs but on the whole you are very lucky. I understand it was a very high impact collision" Molly's blood ran cold. How could someone she trusted do this to the man she loved.

"I'll call Beck. Let him know the situation" he grabbed her hand "You will come back won't you?" He hated feeling this way, hated feeling fear that she'd leave him again "I'll be just a couple of minutes. If I can stay the night I will" He nodded. Putting on a brave face for her was harder than it had been before he knew he was looking at more surgery and the end of his career. Beck was going to hit the roof.

* * *

There was something different about her Elvis noticed as he observed Molly around Charles. There was something in the way she looked at him, it was different than before, there was a closeness that hadn't been there, like she'd finally let him in. She was tactile and loving – not a minute went by that she didn't make some kind of physical contact with him, a reassurance that she was here this time and she wouldn't be going anywhere.

Beth joined Elvis' in observing her "Was I too harsh?" she queried, he shook his head "No Beth, I think it was just what she needed to hear. But I think it was enough and we should let nature take its course with them – he doesn't need the stress" Beth sighed as the sight of her son. All his hard work had been for nothing and she couldn't help but feel resentful about that. He was putting on a brave face despite the surgery he'd endured since the accident, and the bollocking from Beck, it had been particularly hard for her to bite her tongue during that. But he took it like the soldier he is, never once laying blame elsewhere.

Rebecca had been a different story, she had her say – something Molly didn't feel she was entitled too but swiftly reminded herself that they shared a child and his injuries affected Sam too.

Charles hated that Molly was shouldering the blame, there was no one at fault apart from Tom and he was confident that he would be dealt with accordingly. He still worried about her health, he supposed he always would now and the stress of this wasn't something he wanted on her shoulders alone. Therefore he played down his pain and his feelings, he had too for her.

* * *

The tension between Beth and Molly hadn't fizzled much in the weeks since he'd be discharged. Beth was increasingly unwelcoming to her and the strain was starting to show. Molly had even gone as far as getting herself a job to spend some hours out of the house – Beth had assigned herself as principle carer "It's best It's me – so we're already set when madam does her moonlight flit" her words had hit him like a tonne of bricks when he saw the tears in Molly's eyes.

"I've been thinking.." she saw a small smile creep across his lips "Oh dear, that does sound dangerous Dawes" she responded with a pinch to his arm "Cheeky bugger, anyway – what I was trying to say was, I think we should get our own place. Its time now and your mum don't want me here" he sighed, guilty at her feeling so uncomfortable that she wanted to move out "She will come around you know, I think once I'm back on my feet it will be easier for her"

"I'm not so sure about that Charles, I blew my chance with her and I accept that. That's not the only reason though, I want us to move forward and this is the next step for us" he saw determination in her, she really wanted this.

"Well how could I say no to that?" he kissed her deeply "I have one condition though. I'd like you to agree to marry me first?"

The look on her face was priceless, this had definitely been the perfect moment to ask her "I'd love to be your fiancée again" she pulled his face towards hers as she shuffled between his legs "I love you. I promise I'll get you better and life will be perfect again" she planted her lips on his, his tongue hungrily searched for hers to deepen the kiss "Looks like we're moving out".


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm so sorry for the delay! I really appreciate the lovely messages I've received checking if me and baby are okay, thank you so much ladies.**

 **As per I'm a bit nervous about posting, I'm not sure if it's because it's been so long or whether its because this chapter contains elements of the battle my own partner has faced after being medically discharged. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. x S x**

* * *

 **Charles**

We've found a lovely little flat, ground floor luckily as I can't imagine the tiny form that is Molly being able to haul me up and down stairs as I recover. It turns out that downplaying my injuries has done me no favours. It's been slow, very slow and tough. Apparently because of my last injuries, my bones are having a little trouble knitting back together this time. So more surgery is looking likely.

Molly is working hard in her new job, she's taken on the role of health care assistant at our local health centre which keeps her very busy and out of the house majority of the time. She assumes I'm on the mend because that's what I've told her. She feels so guilty about my injuries, I couldn't find it in my heart to let her know things are a little more complicated and I'm struggling when she's gone.

Mum does her best, she comes round daily and helps me with my rehab and cooks for me, although they are both still frosty with each other so she scarpers before Molly gets home. She was less than thrilled when I told her I'd proposed again, being a parent myself I do understand her stance on the situation and I'm eternally grateful for everything she has done and continues to do for me. I'm a 29 year old big baby, not something I find easy.

Beck has been on my case to some more residential rehab, although we both know my career is finished, I can't even find it in me to go. Molly is doing her best for me. She needs to work and I understand that.

* * *

He rested comfortably up against her as she pulled her fingers through the tangle of soft curls that had now gathered on his head. His hair was much longer than usual, giving him a more youthful appearance. He closed his eyes at her touch, although he was quiet and withdrawn a lot of the time these days so it was nothing new that they sat in silence.

"You ok Charles? You haven't eaten very much" he shrugged his shoulders "Not really hungry" she knew the signs in him, the signs he was low and needed help, a professional. After all, depression is just as big an enemy to an injured soldier as the Taliban.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, planting soft kisses round his neck until she could see his face "How's the rehab going? When do I get my boy back on his feet?" He shrugged as he struggled to his feet "Do you want a beer?" She stood up to meet him "You're not meant to drink with those painkillers. They are heavy duty! Why don't you let me make you a poncy coffee? Come on, come and sit and tell me what's on your mind"

Guilt filled her as she watched him wince in pain "Easy baby. Take it slow" the thought of him suffering again because of her haunted him. Why didn't she listen about Tom? How could she make this right now?

The amount of hours he was alone surely wasn't helping but she needed to work. There was dispute over his sick pay because of the crash and money was the last thing she wanted him to worry about.

He sat down heavily at the kitchen table "I'll take the beer not the coffee" she cupped his face in her hand as his dark and sad eyes met hers. "What is it Charlie? I can't stand seeing you so sad" he held his breath before unloading "Do you still love me? As much as you did at the start? Do you love me like this?" He heart shattered into a million pieces. Although she was present this time, this was still here doing.

"I love you more than you could ever know Charles James. And don't you ever forget it" against her better judgement she took two beers from the fridge, making a mental note of the depleted numbers.

"Talk to me Charles" she pulled her chair so she was between his legs, as close as she could get "I just feel alone and a bit lost. I'm looking at a medical discharge and I don't know where my life is heading after that. The army is all I've ever known" she took his hand in hers, her small fingers tracing over the raw marks on his palms from his crutches "Remind me in the morning to wrap those handles for you"

He stared at her so desperately as she gazed at him "I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I know it's my fault. But I promise you whatever happens I will be here for you and we will have the best life. I'll make you happy. I promise you it does get easier, in time the army does leave your blood. You just take care of what's going on in your nut and let me take care of the rest"

He didn't say anything as the tears fell. He didn't recognise himself anymore, he didn't recognise his life. All she could offer him right now was comfort and reassurance that she was by his side no matter what but she'd tainted that. He didn't fully trust she wouldn't do a runner and that's what worried him most.

She pulled her phone from her bag as he sank his beer.

"Elvis, Charles needs you. I need you"

* * *

Charles watched from the window as she returned from her run. He couldn't help still worrying about her, worrying she was over doing it - that she'd get sick again. The worry soon begun to be taken over by jealousy, maybe even resentment. He couldn't run, he couldn't even walk without those fucking sticks that blistered his hands and made his back ache. He launched one across the front room, the sound of glass smashing making Molly run in fright.

"Charles. Are you alright? Have you fallen?" she called

He could see the panic in her face and watched it turn to confusion as she took in the scene around her.

"Was you watching me? Did you throw that?"

He balled his free hand into a fist, frustration and sadness radiating off him "Everything alright guys?"

Georgie stood in the doorway, "Sorry the door was open. I hope I'm not intruding on anything?"

His mask was once again in place "No Lane. Its fine - what do I owe this pleasure?" Georgie looked back and forth between Charles and Molly "Both Elvis and I have some leave and we wanted to come for a visit. All organised by the lovely Molly"

Charles bit his lip; he knew what this was about "Lovely. Well it's always lovely to see you both"

Elvis took in the carnage at Molly's feet "What happened here? You had a tantrum James?" Nobody said anything as Molly started to clear the glass. Georgie passed a stranded Charles his abandoned crutch "you'll have to sit down whilst I help Mol. You've got no shoes on" she looked into his sad chocolate brown orbs "Come on, let's get you sat down" she knew now why Elvis had been so worried.

Molly looked on as he allowed Georgie to support him, something he would have got angry with Molly for.

"Mol I'll make some coffees, do you wanna give me a hand?" She followed Elvis through to the kitchen, tears prickling in the back of her eyes "I'm sorry Elvis. Bad timing" he nodded his head "Leave him to me, I'll sort him out. He's been here before with the back injury and it ain't pretty. But we'll get him through it" he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder "You're doing you best and I know you and Beth aren't exactly the best of friends right now but maybe you should talk to her. She can ease the burden"

Charles cleared his throat behind them "I'm sorry I didn't realise I'd was such a fucking burden to you Molly" she turned to face him "I never said that and that's not what Elvis meant. It's just your struggling and everyone is worried" his mouth formed into the familiar O shape it always did when he was about to unleash "I'll have you both know that I'm fine. I don't need either of you. I especially don't need for you Molly to organise babysitters" she raised her hands in defence "I'm worried that's all. I just want you to be okay" he glared back at her "I'll leave you two to your cosy chat. I'm going to bed"

He turned with such angry momentum that he stumbled. She rushed forward to steady him "Just leave me be Molly" his cold tone hurt her, this wasn't her Charles.

So much had changed this time round; he'd given up hope, the one thing that had kept him going through everything else they'd been through. He always knew in his heart everything would be okay. This time he wasn't so sure.

* * *

Beth glared at her from across the table "You know he needs more than this set up don't you? He needs to be at Headley, with experts. Depression is not to be messed with, especially not in a soldier"

Molly sat down to face her "Look I know what I did was unforgivable. But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere, we need to be in this together if we stand any chance of getting through this with him. He feels lost and alone. Let's show him we're all one unit and we're all here and that he's anythin' but alone" Beth sighed "It's just so hard to see him like this again" Molly reached for her hand, relieved that she didn't pull away "He'll be alright, I promise".

* * *

Elvis sat down beside him, his long-time friend wasn't the same anymore - he'd changed.

"Are you going to talk to me Charlie or do I have to drag it out of you? I mean, I know you love a bit of rough and tumble but I don't think the girls would appreciate it" Charles barely sniggered "I wouldn't even know where to start"

"Look mate, I know you don't want to hear this but I'm going to say it anyway, you need to go back to where your recovery started last time ... you need to go back to therapy, you need to talk it out"

Charles knew he was right. He wasn't talking and he needed too. He was scared to confide in Molly, scared she wouldn't be able to handle it, that guilt would get the better of her and his mother was out of the question – she already held so much against Molly that he couldn't possibly add fuel to the fire. And Elvis, well he resented Elvis lately. He still had his career, a career that they'd both worked so hard for and now his was being ripped away from him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Who's excited for the new series? Finally! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you to all of you who leave reviews. Have a lovely sunny weekend all x S x**

* * *

It was the staring into space that worried her the most; she never knew where his head was at. He'd all but given up talking, even to Molly.

"Do you need a hand with those?" She pulled him from his limbo, taking the balled up socks he'd been holding in his hands for 20 minutes "I'm not a child" he snapped. She nudged her way between his legs, the warmth of her hands on his shoulders sent shivers down his spine "Not a child no, but it's okay to need help sometimes" he placed his head on her chest as she wound her fingers through his curls. Despite feeling numb her touch was always comforting, it soothed him somehow.

"I love you so much" she whispered and he wondered if he'd ever get tired of hearing it. "You know if this is going to be too much, we don't have to go" Molly gave him a sympathetic smile. 6 bloody weeks until the anti-depressant tablets would start to take effect the doctor said. Charles felt lost to her.

"No it's okay. We should get out, I need to take you out" he relented with the socks, placing them into her hand "The only thing you need to do is whatever is right for you. Georgie would understand, she cares"

If he was honest with himself a birthday dinner was the last thing he felt like. His mother's words rang in his ears 'Buck yourself up Charles. Pull yourself out of this' his question was "How?" He didn't know.

He shook away her words as he watched Molly tenderly encase his leg into in confines of the boot.

"I must say James, you look bloody handsome" he managed a small smile "And you look beautiful, but then you always do" she cupped his face as the familiar feeling of desire when she took him in crept upon her "We've still got some time if you wanna let me show you just how handsome you are"

She hated to admit she was desperate for him to respond, desperate for him to touch her and need her like he always had. She straddled his lap, slipping his hand up her short dress, willing him to stroke her thigh "You have no idea how much I want you Charles" he closed his eyes, urging himself to feel it too. Urging himself to feel 'normal'

She dropped soft kisses on his lips "Tell me you want me Charles" but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Even though she was what he wanted more than anything in the world "I'm sorry Molly. I'm sorry, it's the tablets. They've fucked with my head"

She tried to hide her disappointment "I know. It's okay" she brushed a stray curl from his forehead "Love you" he took her hand in his "Ditto"

* * *

"Why are there so many seats? Who's coming?"

He hesitated in the door way, Molly's protective hand that lingered on his back the only witness to the tension building in his muscles. "The lads are coming baby. Georgie told you"

They'd been careful to make sure there'd be no surprises and as much as this was Georgie's birthday dinner, it was equally about Charles. He was overwhelmed at the thought of two section; it had been months since he'd seen any of them. He always politely declined when any of them asked to visit or invited him out. "You'll be okay I promise. As soon as it's too much, just say the word and we'll go" she squeezed his hand and in that moment he realised just how much he missed holding her tiny hands in his. "These fucking things" he muttered aggressively at his crutches "Oi you leave them things alone. They're the reason you can move about" she giggled at him "ready?" He nodded, moving forward towards Georgie.

"So glad you've come boss. I thought you might like to sit nearer Elvis and Brains with Molly opposite?" He kissed Georgie on the cheek "Happy Birthday. Where's the big man himself?" Georgie rolled her eyes "Running late as usual. You know what he's like, got to tart himself up to the nines" Charles laughed, he knew exactly what routine of preening Elvis was going through "Take the weight off boss and we'll get you a drink"

Frustration and embarrassment rose in his cheeks as he struggled to manoeuvre through the crowded restaurant "Take your time baby" Molly reassured as she cleared the way. Brains got to his feet "Bossman, so glad to see you" he extended an awkward hand towards Charles, Molly's arm instinctively moved around his waist to keep him steady so he could return the gesture "Good to see you too Brains. It's been awhile. Tell me, how are you? You got that promotion yet?"

There was a light back in his eyes as he made himself comfortable. A light that had been gone awhile, this was his happy place - with his section, safe in their company.

Molly was vibrant, glowing even as she mingled with the lads. Of course they'd take keen interest in her - she was beautiful, charming and the boss man's missus. The tightening in his shoulders burnt as he grew uncomfortable in his surroundings.

She gave him a nod of reassurance from across the table; she'd made it clear she was ready if he needed to go. He motioned to the door with a nod of the head, the vulnerability creeping into his eyes once more. Molly nodded, making her excuses as she went around the table saying her goodbyes.

"Thanks for coming Mol. Don't forget to ring me as soon as you get your results" Charles' ears pricked up to their conversation "I will, it's just a check-up anyway"

Georgie saw his eyes burning in fury as quickly as Molly felt them burning into her back.

"What's going on?" his stern tone caught the attention of the whole table "What check-up?" she pulled him to his feet "Nothing to worry about, we'll talk about it on the way home"

She felt the heat rise in her cheeks at the explosion that followed. All she could do was stand there as he lost it; this wasn't the man she'd fallen for anymore. He'd changed. "Boss I think you need to calm down, you don't look well" Brains brought him back to reality. The tears in Molly's eyes stirring guilt in the pit of his stomach "You're right. I'm sorry everyone. I apologise"

He stormed off as fast as his legs could carry him, aware of Elvis following behind him. "What the fuck was that?" Elvis demanded "I don't know, she's keeping things from me. I'm losing her again Elvis I can feel it, and why wouldn't I lose her? What have I got to offer her now?"

Elvis stared at him dumbfounded "I know you're not feeling yourself mate, but maybe ask yourself why she felt like she couldn't tell you. She didn't want to worry you – and you know I'm not her biggest fan but even I vouch for this one. Everything she does or doesn't do is out of worry for you so I suggest you cut her a little slack before you push her away"

Elvis patted him on the back "You know I love ya, but sometimes James you're a class A twat" he nodded in agreement "Tell her I'm sorry. And she should stay until she's ready – I need some time by myself to get myself inline."

The silence he thought he needed was deafening as the walls suffocated him. Why was he pushing he away? He couldn't understand it himself so how could she? He struggled to breath as his breathe caught in his chest, panic rising. Out of nowhere she was there, he arms enveloping his body like a small child. "I'm here baby, let it all out" and for the first time he did.

* * *

"Rise and shine sleepy head. I'm off to collect Sam for the weekend so you can get yourself dressed and fed, you mum is here to help" he pulled the cover over his head, embarrassed to face the day. He felt the weight of her sit down next to him, a reassuring hand and a kiss to the exposed curls telling him it was okay. She wasn't angry.

"You done your exercises?" She quizzed as she pulled the covers back "Not yet. I'll do them now" Molly watched as he worked through a rhythmic routine of movements he needed to do just to be able to function. She pushed his curls from his forehead "Time for a haircut, they're starting to hide your handsome face and we can't have that"

He caught her hand in his as she was about to move away "Molly listen, about last night" she stopped to hear him out "I'm sorry. Truly, deeply sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can see that this isn't me, I'm not the man you fell in love with. I need to find him again" she pulled him into a hug "Thanks for apologising. And I was going to say it's okay but it's not. But I understand, you're not alone in this. I understand and so does everyone else. You've got to stay strong and fight Charles, we can do this"

Beth smiled despite the sadness for her stricken boy and as much as she didn't want to admit it, it was Molly he needed and she would have to get over her hard feelings fast.

* * *

"Look Molly. I don't think it's a good idea he has Sam right now. He's just a little boy it's not fair to him" Molly swallowed back her rage "Sam is the only one making him smile. Please Rebecca, don't do this to him. He's looking forward to seeing his son"

Rebecca bit her lip, questioning the decision she'd already questioned 100 times "Molly he's in a really bad place"

Molly reminded herself that losing it was not an option "Look Rebecca, I more than anyone know what a state he's in, but do you really think keeping his son from him is going to help that? He getting help but he needs his boy too"

Molly stood firm and hopeful as Rebecca gazed at Sam "Okay but just the one night" he stretched his arms out to Molly "Thank you Rebecca, thank you"

The smile that lit up Charles' face was worth the grovelling "Hello scamp" he called as Sam climbed into his lap "I missed you" Sam wrapped his arms around his neck "Love you daddy" and then it clicked – the two people in front of him, they were worth fighting this for.

"Molly, could you pass my laptop please? I need to call Major Beck".


	25. Chapter 25

**As usual, thank you to all of you that have let me know you are still enjoying this! This is the penultimate chapter in this particular version of CJ & Molly. My maternity leave starts next week and I wanted to wrap up before I leave work (I edit and upload in my breaks) and baby is due anytime so I want to make sure I don't leave the story hanging. Hope you enjoy - let me know x S x**

* * *

He squeezed her hand as they waited. In his mind, today was the single most important day of their lives together so far.

The words seemed to float in mid-air, not quite real. She was still clear, still healthy. He pulled her close to him "You don't know how relieved I am Molly, it's like a weight has been lifted" she planted a kiss on the end of his nose "That's why I didn't tell you, you've got so much on your mind already. I knew you would be stressed and just want you to be okay"

He still wasn't sure if he'd ever really be 'okay' it seemed like an endless tunnel some days. Although there were now some good days, and some okay day but the bad days were unbearable.

"Now that we've got the all clear, I want you to promise me that you're going to put everything you've got into getting better. For us and for Sam" he nodded, it was time.

"I promise. And when I get back from Headley we'll get cracking on the wedding plans" she smiled to herself, he was planning ahead. "It's a deal Mr James"

They gazed across the horizon from their bench on the beach. "Bet you never had day trips to Southend when you was a kid?" He chuckled "Bit out of the way from our neck of the woods, although it looks like the kind of place my mother would like. What made you want to come here today?" She sighed "I dunno. I suppose after the stress of the check up and how you've been feeling I wanted to bring you to a place that I always used come to clear my head. Get some clarity in our nuts before you head off. I want to give you a moment to hold onto where I tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of you. It might not be the most glamorous place, but it's a bit of me and I'm giving it to you to keep. So close your eyes" he did as she instructed as she moved from his side. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck from behind and despite the sea breeze, the warmth of her breathe on his neck made him tingle.

"I love you Charles James and I can't wait to be your wife. You make me proud every day, proud of man you are and proud of the soldier fighting this hell. I won't be there every moment that you need me but just close your eyes and remember this moment and that we have so many more like this to come"

He turned his head, lifting his arm to gently pull her mouth to his "Molly Dawes, you are something else" his tongue pushed her lips apart, desperate to feel hers. Desperate to show her the desire he was feeling. She moved round the bench, settling herself in his lap before continuing the kiss she'd been aching so much for.

"Let's go home, I need you - all of you" His chocolate brown orbs were full of desire "Yes sir" she whispered, the way he bit his lip melted her inside. He was beautiful and he was hers and he wanted her again. "I took the liberty of booking us a room" she smiled to herself as a cheeky grin formed on his lips "well best not waste it Dawes"

 **Molly**

I can't help but stare at the perfection sleeping peacefully beside me. There's no strain in his face when he sleeps, although the vulnerability is still there. I can't help but wonder if I'd have done things differently, would he be in this place at all? I hate to think that I could have that much power over someone, especially someone like him - he's strong and he's brilliant and he's brave and I know he spends every minute fighting.

"Perv" he whispers gruffly "Well when you go around looking like that James, what's a girl meant to do?"

I stroke my finger across his cheek, his tired eyes look back at me and I can't help but feel it's my fault he suffers the way he does. I plant gentle kisses on his lips; aching at the thought of him leaving. "I wanna make love to you Charlie" he growls in agreement. I can't bare be thought of him going to Headley, knowing what he'll go through to fight these demons that consume him but the fact he's already getting better makes it easier. A few weeks ago he couldn't touch me. Or wouldn't I'm not sure which but he enjoys my touch again, he needs it as much as I need his.

* * *

"Call me, anytime you need me. You can do this you know that don't you?" Beth looked on as Molly whispered reassuring words whilst they held each other, like the young care free lovers that they should be. She'd finally accepted Molly back into her heart, Elvis was right – she is what her Charlie needed. Molly and Beth held each other as they left him behind at Headley; he was a grown man but a vulnerable one who needed them both. "He'll do it this time won't he?" Beth pondered Molly's question, acknowledging her need for reassurance "With us by his side, of course he will" she pulled Molly into a hug "I'm so glad you're here" Molly smiled "Ditto".

* * *

"Don't let him catch you snivelling Dawes. He'll have you up on a charge" Molly sniggered a laugh through her tears as Elvis threw himself into the chair beside her.

"What's this about? He's on the mend now"

She couldn't take her eyes off the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept peacefully. His bad leg encased in the safety of bandages, resting on a pillow.

"They said they can't do any more for his leg. I just want him to be alright, I want my Charlie back"

Elvis squeezed her hand "You never lost him Dawes. He's still in there and trust me I would know; spent enough years with the soppy git ain't I. You need to forgive yourself; it's eating away at you. He's forgiven you, Beth's forgiven you - now you need to follow and keep doing what you're doing. Keep loving him better"

She squeezed his hand back "Now who's the soppy git" he smiled to himself "Can't help my soft spot for ol' Charlie boy here can I"

Charles flicked one eye open "If you two don't pack it in I'll have you both up on a charge" Elvis laughed but the concern in Molly's face was obvious "You can only dream James. I'll give you space and get the coffees in" he shook Charles' hand "Good to see you mate, you're on the home stretch now" Charles managed a smile despite the fact he was groggy and out of it.

Molly ran her fingers through his hair "All done now baby. No more surgery, we can move forward" she planted gentle kisses on his lips "It's not going to be 100%, my career is officially over" he closed his eyes and swallowed hard "Listen Charles I know it's not the outcome we wanted but you still have so much joy in your life. We can still be happy" he nodded "I know and I'm sorry. I'm just tired"

She took his hand in hers "Just rest and get better" Her heart sank for him. In the weeks since he'd been at Headley he'd been doing so well – he seemed happier and positive. The worry that this would set him back consumed her as she gave into her tears once again.

"Told you about that snivelling didn't I Dawes" Elvis wrapped his strong arms around her "It will be okay. Mark my words – I know everything".

* * *

Charles was fully aware of the eyes on him as he waited for her; he was used to it by now. He however only had eyes for one woman. It had been weeks since he'd seen her, work commitments and training keeping her away. Bailbrook House seemed fitting for their reunion; he wanted it to be special.

She couldn't take her eyes off him as she made her way across the room, watching him as he climbed to his feet.

"You look beautiful" he meant it, she could see it in his eyes "You don't look too shabby yourself"

He smirked, looking down at his boot, still self-conscious "Even with a limp?" "Especially with a limp – It's cute"

She had waited weeks for this, to see him and see for herself that he was doing okay. "I've missed you so much Charles" he slid his hand across to table, spinning the diamond ring on her finger before taking her hand to kiss it "Ditto Dawsey" the easy chemistry that had once been between them was back "How are you feeling? In here.." she stroked his temple "Better, definitely better. Things don't feel so bleak. It's going to be a bumpy road but I'm finally half way up it" she smiled back at him "That makes me happy to hear. And the leg?"

"Well I'm stuck with the limp, but I have my leg and my life so it's not all bad right? So if you can put up with a limping husband then I can put up with it too" her heart was bursting for him "Oh Charles, I can't imagine life where you're not mine. You're perfect to me in every way, limp or no limp"

He smiled to himself "I've been doing some thinking, since I've had so much time on my hands and I've got something I would really like you to think about after the wedding" she was intrigued as he pushed a leaflet towards her "Adoption? You want to adopt?"

He nodded his head, a look of unease came across his face as he bit his lip, unsure of her reaction "I think you would be a fantastic mother Molly, it's just an idea though. I hope I haven't upset you" she pushed the leaflet back towards him "I was thinking the same thing myself actually. I would love to adopt a child with you".

* * *

 **Things are on the up for our favourite couple :-)**

 **P.S How good is the trailer for the new series? .WAIT 3**


	26. Chapter 26

**A short but sweet end chapter to this story but I felt it wrapped them up nicely. Hopefully you agree! Once again thank you to all of you lovelies who have followed, reviewed and supported this story – it really does mean the world. I can't' wait to read the influx of new stories that the new series will (hopefully) bring. Enjoy! x S x**

* * *

 **1 year later**

Their grip on each other hands grew tighter as they waited. This was it, the moment they'd been preparing for all these months. All the paper work and background checks, all the feeling under scrutiny and times they felt like giving up was finally over – this was it!

"Ms Dawes, Mr James would you like to come through?" They looked at each other, never once letting go of each other's hand as they followed the social worker into her office.

"I'm sorry to call you in at such late notice but I have some news I felt you'd like to know as soon as possible. I know you have fallen in love with Baby Theo and we think it is in his best interest and that he is most suited to you both. We can confirm that the adoption will go ahead"

Charles wiped the happy tears from Molly's cheek "We have a son. Our own son" she sobbed.

He pulled her into his arms; he couldn't believe he could be this lucky - Two beautiful children and a woman who he adored. "We deserve it Molly, and so does he"

The elation hadn't settled as they grinned at each other across the dinner table. "We'd better go shopping for baby things" she beamed "Anything you want just put it on the list. This is our time now, I want you to enjoy every second of your impending motherhood. I can't wait to tell Sammy he's going to be a big brother" she squeezed his hand across the table "Finally Charles, we have everything"

* * *

 **Epilogue**

"Hi I'm Charles. As you can probably tell by the limp, I've been where you all are. I've been injured, I've been depressed and honestly I still have days when things feel difficult. The army was my life and then it wasn't anymore. One day it just clicked, although it did take a long time. I never thought I'd be okay with it but it turns out there is more for us out there. I recently married my darling wife, who I actually met at one of these groups. I have a family and a job that I love - seeing all of your faces, knowing I can help in some way makes life feel worthwhile"

Molly watched on as he had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Pride filled her as she watched him, although no longer a commanding officer - he commanded every single one of their attention. He was born for this, born the help others.

"I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it does get better. Life does become worth living again, there will be days when you can't lift you head off the pillow but always remember that those days do pass if you get help you need and if you talk about it"

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she moved silently and effortlessly around the courtyard. She was certainly a natural. The sound of their laughter through the window warmed him. He watched as she bounced their little boy on her hip as Sam played happily at her feet and couldn't help but feel lucky.

The slight swelling to tummy showing signs of the new life that was growing there, a new life they had created together. It had taken them by surprise, their little miracle as Molly warmly had named the bump. Their family was now complete.

"Remember guys, there _IS_ light at the end of the tunnel. I've been to the darkest of places and I'm out the other side. I may not be the soldier I once was but the most important thing I can give you to hold onto is happiness. You will find it again. I did".

* * *

 **Once again thanks for reading and if you haven't already, please check out my other story "And then there was her" Sarah x**


End file.
